sometimes you have to be selfish, but its hard. I know every morning I get up and spend one hour on my bike (my time). I pray my husband stays in bed so I'm not needed. I'll make coffee, let the dogs out, take my pills and go to my room to watch tv and ride my bike. I sometimes get "pissed" if I get called upon to help him do something. What makes me mad is that I wake up at 4:30 am so I can have this hour. If I had stayed in bed he never would have bothered me , letting me stay asleep.

I do know its so very hard. Hiring help is hard too. But all the caregivers out there needs time. There isn't a good answer - Just difficult positions. I do believe God will reward us. I truly do.

Hi anne, Well as ajm said, "sometimes you have to be selfish" ! And that is 100% true ! Let's face it, we're caring for our loved one 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.........with no time off !! Except occasional respite time / trips sprinkled here and there.

Be selfish to maintain your own sanity and health my friend. If you don't you'll certainly suffer burnout !

Hope you understand and don't take this the wrong way.

Friendship Hugs, Phoebe :-)

oh, my gosh, annewinnie, I know what you are talking about.....I have put on 50 lbs in the last 15 years. I know that had my life been a regular one without the caregiving, this would have never happened. I chalk it up to not having a regular schedule in my life (caregivers never know what is going to happen day to day!), and probably just depression over this situation of being a caregiver. I think we are so pooped from everything we would rather just sit once we have a few moments to ourselves. Our health suffers too as we do not take care of ourselves - our main focus is on the care of the spouse. As an example: I never forget to give my husband his medication in the morning, at dinnertime, or his bedtime pills. But can I remember to take mine??? NO!!! Honest I forget to take my pills all the time.....

thank you all doe listening.
kiddoGal.. lol. i nver forget her pills but forget mine alot.
i guess there is really no answer or solution. just a daily battle.but it is nice to know i am not alone

Hi annewinnie! Looks like the best wisdom has come your way. I agree with all of my friends & fellow Caregivers- you just "gotta make Me time" .
I hope you find a way to make it work!
Hugs & Love, MelodyJane

I can understand. I was just thinking this week that I have not been taking good care of myself. I have diabetes and have gained back 20 of the 40 pounds I lost!

Stress eating-my husband is picky so I cook what he wants and then just eat a quick meal for me, or I eat what I cooked for him, but it is usually a higher fat meal. To make matters worse, he has lost about 40 pounds in the past three months, so needs to eat higher fat, higher calorie meals.

I do go in the bedroom and watch TV while he is in the living room watching TV. But my thoughts are never far from him. I am wondering of he took his pills, drank his nutritional drink, drank his water, etc.

I am always thinking about his appointments it seems. Did I miss anything...etc., etc., etc.

Once in awhile I take off for several hours. Fortunately he can be alone for most of the day most days. But I seldom take time for myself, as I feel bound to him. I could make healthier choices for myself. Guess it is just easier this way.

It seems to be a common thread that as caregivers, our needs seem to go by the way side. I am taking care of my 85 1/2 yr old mom and have been for the last 18 months. We do have her on a waiting list for long term care but it's taking forever for a bed to become available. I am overweight and I know I would be able to care for her better if I wasn't always out of breath or my back was killing me. She is 100% dependent and it is really taking it's toll. My daughter helps me thank God and takes her home for a few days a week. I am new to this group but I just want you all to know I will keep all of you in prayer. Even though I did Home Care most of my adult life, caring for my mom has been the hardest thing I've ever done hands down!