Bullying Support Group
Bullying is the act of intentionally causing harm to others, through verbal harassment, physical assault, or other more subtle methods of coercion such as manipulation. Bullying can be defined in many different ways, but one thing is clear: no one deserves to be bullied. If you or someone you know is coping with bullying, this is the place to share your feelings and get...
I was bullied in middle school. Badly. It seemed like every kid in school made fun of me while the teachers, up to the assistant principal, just ignored it. I was lucky to get some friends and some marching band members in high school to get the bullying stop.
It's been a long time since middle and high school. I am 28, out of college, in the microbiology field. I am just trying to move on with my life, but mom notices I get so easily stirred up and angered when I see some news report about bullying. She looked it up and discovered that people who have gone through years of bullying, even if they're no longer bullied, will have their mind constantly alert on the flight-or-fight response and defend anything!
So, now she wants me to see a therapist about it. Well, I don't! I feel if I see a therapist, the bullies win for screwing up my life. If I don't see a therapist, then they DO have no control over me. So I am what my parents call "super sensitive," so what? And even if I am, even if I can cope with it, I shouldn't take the blame route and blame my bullies on it.
I've told this to my parents, but they don't really listen. They're so dead set on seeing a therapist. How do I tell them that I don't want to see a therapist?
It's been a long time since middle and high school. I am 28, out of college, in the microbiology field. I am just trying to move on with my life, but mom notices I get so easily stirred up and angered when I see some news report about bullying. She looked it up and discovered that people who have gone through years of bullying, even if they're no longer bullied, will have their mind constantly alert on the flight-or-fight response and defend anything!
So, now she wants me to see a therapist about it. Well, I don't! I feel if I see a therapist, the bullies win for screwing up my life. If I don't see a therapist, then they DO have no control over me. So I am what my parents call "super sensitive," so what? And even if I am, even if I can cope with it, I shouldn't take the blame route and blame my bullies on it.
I've told this to my parents, but they don't really listen. They're so dead set on seeing a therapist. How do I tell them that I don't want to see a therapist?
Any circle that we are in, whether it be our families, our co-workers, our social circles, in-law circles, etc. etc. - there is Always a bias going on and mentality that belongs to the Whole group, not the individual. Sure you have your own individual thoughts, but the group as a whole can and will dictate behaviors and dynamics. For example...
If there is an alcoholic in the family, other members will cover for that drinker because they don't want the outside world to know anything except the image they want to project. THEN a couple of members of the family do Want the truth to be known...all in all those dynamics bring biases and friction. What you know to be true and what the other members want to be true are two different things.
Now another example...co-workers and bosses will turn the other way when wrong behavior is being displayed by an employee. The boss doesn't want to acknowledge it because then he will have to fire the person and deal with the upheaval of the firing And training a new person. Its too much. Now imagine if this were the situation in a school - the principal does nothing, the teachers do nothing and the children lose out.
So when I went through difficult times that were painful and upsetting naturally I wanted to rely on those in my circles. They weren't always able to give the best advice because they may have a bigger interest in the group as a whole - with or without wrongdoings.
When you have a therapist, they are able to see your patterns in your personality AND they are able to be UNBIASED from the circles. WOW - I loved that. I have someone outside of all my circles that could give me the Best advice based on my personality and based on fairness all the way around. We discussed ways to handle any dilemma I encountered and we discussed how the others in my circles would take to my decisions. Ultimately, I was able to see where I was correct in my thinking AND how I could best handle the situations with ALL personalities involved in my circles.
In short, therapists ROCK! :) Its amazing what you'll learn and you will always have the upperhand on the bullies whom you will immediately notice that they could only be so fortunate to learn what you learned in therapy.
So get out there and find you a therapist and do not settle until you are comfortable with one that You like.
If you still don't want to see a therapist, then tell your parents just that, but say it in a way that they don't have to get defensive in the suggestion. Maybe say that you are not interested at this time, but maybe it will be something you will consider in the future. Then be done with it. If they keep pursuing, just keep giving your calm answer. Eventually they will stop.
On the otherhand, did I tell you therapists ROCK?? :) Hope you find your answer soon. You'll know best what to do. :)
Just tell them you aren't ready and maybe it'll be right in the future, but thank them for their concern. Something like that. Emphasise the 'maybe in the future' bit.
What you are describing, that thing whereby anything about bullying sets you off feeling angry, stressed and crap - that's got a name. And it's post-traumatic stress disorder. And there are ways to deal with it that make life much better. It's totally up to you, that's what your parents need to understand, you say when you're ready to look at what happened and how you do it.
I'm so sorry that you have had to endure what so many of us have.
Therapy is not picnic but it is also not a punishment.
I think it should be your choice however, otherwise it can make you feel re-traumatized. Just let the idea fester in the back of your mind.
To me, the right therapist is important vs. someone that might stir up more trauma.
Being a licensed mental health therapist I know that there are therapists who are artfully skilled at working with individuals who have experienced PTSD.
And then there are those who aren't.
It can take a long time to come to terms with terrible things that happened in your past.
I agree, though, being a parent is hard.
It can be like having a beating heart outside of your own body and watching that heart be hurt.
Good luck.