Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Your posts comfort me

26yearsgone
26yearsgone
I've been with my STBX for 26 years. Eight months ago he dropped the bombshell that our marriage was over. No discussion. He wanted out. Our marriage wasn't perfect but I thought we had just hit a rough patch that we could overcome. He immediately started to go out every night and weekend saying he was working overtime. It didn't take long to figure out that he had put his profile on an online dating site. Sometimes he didn't even come home at night. When he moved out weeks later, he had an OW in tow. Within two months he was arranging a weekend long trip with the OW and our child. His behaviour has been extremely hurtful. Yet he says he wants to be friends. Who would want to be friends with someone who treats their partners in such a despicable manner? Anyway, I've had a hard time dealing with all this. I have gone completely NC except for emails regarding our child. I have not seen him in months. Sometimes I am so angry I have visions of physically assaulting him or bashing the windshield of his car with a baseball bat. Other times I am overwhelmed with anxiety and fear. I never planned to have to start over at midlife.

I just wanted to say that, although I only joined today, I have been reading all of your posts daily for the past six months. I have found comfort in knowing that others are going through similar issues. I am so sorry for all your pain. I am so sorry that we married people who seem to have no problem imploding an entire family. I hope that we all find ourselves in a better place soon.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Sorry you're going through this nightmare. 15 month ago my wife of 24 years bailed out and had new boytoy all lined up. So I know exactly how you feel. Sounds like u have a grip on how to handle things, just wanted to say you're not alone. Believe that it's survivable and of our exes pull that shit then they have the character flaw. Over time it does get better...took me all of a year to start feeling normal...partially anyways :)
Take care
steppingovertheedge
steppingovertheedge
Isn't is crazy what some people are willing to do - to their alleged "loved" ones? It is mind-boggling to me. Right now it is one of the things I struggle with the most - multiple times a day my brain returns to "how could she do these things?" Or "how could I have married this person - who IS this damned person I am married to?" Totally insane. It makes no sense, there is no explaining it. And that is really tough for a rational person like me to accept.

It is shocking to me how common this is. Look at all the pain poured out here daily. So many LONG term relationships thrown away by one party with little to no effort to save them, little to no loyalty, and usually little to no regret or remorse. Kids being stuck in the middle, families torn apart. For what? Sex? A mid-life crisis?

26 years for you; I am sorry. It has been 19.5 years for me. Such a waste. I also figured we were going through a "rough patch". Never would I have decided to cheat.

I don't have a lot of great advice right now as I am working through this too, with mixed success. But you certainly have company in this struggle. Keep posting. There is some cathartic value in the venting process.

Best wishes to you.
26yearsgone
26yearsgone
Thanks coop. I'm familiar with your story. You've come a long way in the months that I've been reading your posts. My STBX came from a very dysfunctional childhood. Maybe the stability of our marriage was too boring for him. Or maybe he's having a midlife crisis. It just makes me angry that I stood by him every time his childhood issues came back to haunt him. And through his diagnosis with a mental health illness, yet I get treated like crap.
lamarwilson
lamarwilson
It is crazy how someone can leave such a long term relationship (in many cases over half of their life) for someone they just met, and have little to no regard to their partner or kids. In many instances they are damaging the other persons spouse, and that persons kids too. The most shocking aspect is when there's no guilt, and they try to justify their actions by making it the other persons fault. I get that people accidentally fall in love sometimes, but uproot your life, your entire families life to be with someone you know so little about. Just seems so wreckless. I would be scared the other person would cheat again on me after a couple of years. I would of never left my family and wife that I trusted for almost half my life for a cheater. It would of taken one INCREDIBLE amazing person that doesn't exist, and even then I'm not sure I could live with the guilt. I also never imagined so many people in their 40's, 50's and 60's are walking away from their families everyday. I'm glad you finally posted. It really helps me to write these posts, and deal with the emotions.
26yearsgone
26yearsgone
Thanks, steppingover. I agree with you. I no longer know who my STBX is anymore. He used to be kind and considerate. I don't know why he felt it was okay to treat me in such a disgraceful manner then say that he still wants to be friends. He had the nerve to suggest that nothing would change after he moved out, except that he would be sleeping elsewhere. He's suggested in recent months via email going for a coffee or getting together to talk but I ignore these requests and only respond to issues related to our child or the house. He doesn't deserve my friendship or any compassion from me. My email responses to him are civil but brief. Although I miss what we had, or what I thought we had, I don't want to see his face now. He is a stranger. And that is sad. I can't believe that I spent 26 years with this man and this is where we are.
yougospam
yougospam
Welcome to our little family, I'm sorry you are in this situation but glad you found us. I have been on here for almost a year, after my husband walked out on me after 7 years of marriage (second marriage for both). As you have already discovered you will find lots of support, advice, and listening ears here. I can honestly say that DS has been more helpful to me then anything else I did during this past year.
Good luck in your decisions and I hope things go smoothly for you during the transition. It's a long, hard road but many of us have made and so will you !! Hugs.