Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

heartspain 11/30/2015

Hi all,

I am going through the process of the divorce. I am having a hard time with the fact my stbxw left me, I'm hearing potentially seeing somebody. On that point it is what it is...don't need to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

My issue is that she is looking for spousal support, my pension, RRSP's and savings account. Maybe it is just me but I feel it is wrong when the person says "They are not happy and want out of the marriage, need to find out who they are and want to be on their own, want to live life as an individual"

If that is the case, why would they want to come after all the financial stuff, I know Canadian law will allow it which will suck for me...

Just don't understand it and her mindset...

duvessa 11/30/2015

I don't know what province you are in, the basic laws may vary some by province. Does your wife work? Or has she worked in the past & does she have job skills that would allow her to become employed? Are there children involved? All these things will be factored in. The general idea in the courts is to have each person become independent. I know that in some provinces that division of assets is 50/50. The amount of spousal support will depend on a few factors, one of which (in ontario anyway) involves the duration of the marriage.

I'm in a situation where my husband of 20 years left me.I have not been working, he never wanted me to, he also wouldn't allow (this has been an abusive & controlling relationship for it's duration, but things got to the extreme over a long period) me to go back to school in order to become employable. I will be seeking 50% of our assets as I helped him build his career, & I will also be seeking spousal support. The idea will be for me to get on my own two feet as quickly as possible though.

kenjb47 11/30/2015

I think they call that "having your cake and eating it too" Sucks for sure. I am at the other end, sick and disabled, with a cheating W, she is trying every dirty trick in the book to not have to divide our assets from a 18 year marriage, if she had her way I would be penniless and homeless. Good luck with your situation.

strongandsilent 11/30/2015

Yep, it sucks. My ex had an affair and left me. He had been a stay-at-home Dad for 8 years. His choice. Basically, he didn't want to work and was scared of retraining so staying at home was a socially acceptable way of hiding. I'm in Ontario. The "formula" had me paying upto 50 percent of my salary for 7-14 years for spousal. Assets are divided 50-50 including my pension. Yep it sucks. And is completely "unfair". He had a 4yr long affair and walks away with spousal?!

Now, on the bright side - you can negotiate whatever you want. So, in the end we split all assets except pension. He took less than 50 percent of that. And spousal is a lot less than 50 percent for only 3 years. It could have been much worse.

If you are trying to do something other than the straight "formulas" than mediation is definately your friend. (this does not apply to child support. There is no room to negotiate that. That is the child's right and parents cannot give neg that).

Good luck. It is Sooo infuriating. But, keep your temper, treat her better than she deserves, and maybe you can get a good package.

murphytoronto 12/02/2015

My wife said those things....it was all about discovering herself and not wanting to be a couple in relationship

Boom!! She has a boyfriend in no time!

Join the Conversation