I dont have any concern that my STBX is going to be mean and nasty about this. We both want whats best for the kids. She makes quite a bit more money then I do so I am not worried about having to pay alimony. I want to be happy again and I want her to be happy again. I know in the current situation I am not making her happy and this is not the life she wanted for herself. We have just grown to far apart and now have made better friends/roommates then hubby and wife.

Anyone else have experience with divorce and young kids? How did it all work out? Everyone in a better place?

@deltone -


I lucked out, then, in that my ex husband and I checked the immaturity at the door and focused on the business of the divorce. All above-board, all honest, all fair. I know I am lucky every day that my ex and I chose to handle it the way we did, as I read stories and see it's not easy like that for everyone.

Many hugs to those that have to live together while separated...yikes!!

Well it is hard for me to say that we are all in a better place at this time. I believe that anything can be worked out, that doesn't mean I believe it will nor even that it should. I think with more time we will adapt and life will continue to be good. I always look at the positive things through this. My daughter has two parents that both love her. We couldn't make our marriage work, but No one is an alcoholic, drug addict or abuser so she has that going for her and we all have some positive. It isn't what anyone hoped for but we both have good jobs and can provide for her and we aren't fighting so things will be ok.

We have become roommates, but roommates that seem to have a difference of opinion on things and have arguments. Too many in my opinion. I cannot even remember that last time she and I were intimate....I am talking years and years. When I was a kid my parents were not close and pretty much were roommates. I am seeing this is the same situation I have now and I don't want my kids to think this is what marriage is about. My daughter has even asked about why mommy and I dont hug or kiss anymore. Thanks for allowing me to talk this out.

It's been 7 years since my divorce, what I've learned is this.

Just like in an intact family, the kids will love you, hate you, really hate you, and really really hate you, and love you and their other parent.....on an ongoing basis (often connected with how often they're allowed to watch tv). I learned not to overreact too much to anything that they'd say about their dad.

The kids learned that the only "rule" was to follow the house rules wherever they were at. So....dad's rules at dad's house, school's rules at school, grandma's rules at grandma's, and friend's rule at friends houses. That ended the debate about what they were allowed to do over there, that they weren't allowed to do over here. And I really didn't want to hear about it.

As for actually telling them, I don't know that there IS any really good way. At that age, they most likely have a good idea that things are going pretty bad. They've had their whole lives to learn to read you and their father.

In most divorces, it gets worse before it gets better, and it'll be a roller coaster of ups and downs. Key is not to go too far off of the tracks. I don't know any parent who didn't at some time say something that they regretted to their kids......but most muddle through okay.

Hang tough. It helps to find a buddy going through the same thing. Those many years out, like me, can become a bit impatient (because for us, life does go on.) And that is good news, because life will go on. One day you'll make it out of this mess. Until then it's pretty tough.

My kids are happier now. I'm really not sure why. My ex and I both look at the kids and wonder how they've become so well put together (because neither my ex nor I were at their ages.) It's easy enough to list stuff that I did, but I really don't know.

My oldest is 9 we have kept our separation short. I am trying to keep everything the same but she knows her dad is not here. Kids are strong but keep in mind do not talk negatively about their dad in front of them as much as that will be hard to do. The less they know might be better. They see everything just ask them every so often if they have any questions and keep the answer simple. Good luck

Mine were 13 and 16 years old at the time of my divorce to their father. He cheated, was on drugs and treated me horrible when he was home. My 13 yr old son told him to get out when he came home the last time and was screaming horrible things to me. My kids understood that I was being treated horribly and they wanted it to stop. They handled the divorce fine and for a while they would go see their dad on weekends. Then he moved and had no contact with them again. My kids are now 25 and 22. They both still live with me and I am the only parent in their lives. I know it hurts them so much that their dad has nothing to do with them, but I also know they did want all the horrible negativity to stop back when we did get divorced.
So, if their is negativity involved with you and your spouse, they are better off with you splitting up. The key is to never talk bad about the other person and to always put them first! Remember you are both their parents and they love you both very much. I went through a few years of them acting out, etc. Due to the stress they felt from all of it. Just remember that anything negative said or done greatly affects your children.