There is a daily strength support group called Children of Divorced Parents. I haven't checked it out yet. Probably will tonight.

Dont look like their is much activity going on in that group.

Either parents should refrain from bad mouthing the other and playing the kids against either parents. The kid/s do not need all that burden in light of everything else.

Matters concerning the divorce should also be kept from the kids. Our son was 4 when I decided to end our 9yr marriage. He is not stupid, and is adjusting to the week on / week off at the 2 houses.

It sure beats being under the same roof and yelling for the kids to hear.

I was lucky (?) in that my son was 3 when we separated and 4 when we divorced, so he doesn't remember when and how we were as a family together.

9 and 11, is old enough to know that their normal world is now gone,
the one family is gone, and 2 separate ones begin. Sad for them to know, unrealistic for the "adults" to deny or protect the kids from.

my kids were 12 & 14, my wife wanted to blow smoke & i wanted simple direct real statement.

remember your are raising your kids to be and live adult lives, give them skills to deal with reality, pleasant and unpleasant

my kids are sad, very sad since the split hit, we about 18 months down the road,


I am sad for what you all face
i hope the best that can work out, does work out

For awhile now we have only stayed together for the kids sake. But as I look back on the marriage of my parents not being good and then basically only staing married for us and to help with the finances I do not want to continue to this pattern for my own kids to see and then possibly follow down the same path. I dont want them looking at the way we interact and behave to be the template on how a normal marriage is. I want more out of this life for myself and better quality time when I am around my kids. Thoughts?

My thought is that kids are better off with separate, healthy relationships with their parents, then living under the same roof and hearing the fighting, or seeing passive-aggressive bullying, etc. People just don't give kids enough credit in how smart they are.

I think my daughter at 11 is already seeing that lack of affection that the wife and I show....well really no affection. She even asked about that about a month or so ago.

We separated in September of 2013 and continued to live together until June of 2014. It was very difficult and I had hopes of reconciliation throughout. It became unbearable living in those conditions and I moved out in June. We waited to tell our 6 year old daughter. We were brief and focused on the fact we both loved her, that she had nothing to do with why we were divorcing, we didn't go into any details and we stressed that we would both remain involved in her life still. She cried and ran out of the room saying I don't want you to divorce. Well, it has been 7 months and we have all adjusted. She is still sad and has some anger about it but for the most part is doing well. Good school grades and we share custody. I believe the love of our children will see us through. I also agree with #3, #5, #6 and #7. Best wishes and I think you guys are wise to wait until the Holidays are over.

cab - are you guys all in a better place now? does your child seem to be at a happier level? My STBX wife has made the comment at least twice over the past year referencing waiting until the kids are 18 before we divorce. To me that is not practica or heatlhy mainlyl. I dont want to have to go through another 8 years like this. I will then be basically 50 years old. I dont want to go another 8 years unhappy, with no affection or intimacy, unloved. To me that just does not sound healthy for either of us or the kids. Why be with someone that you know ultimately would prefer to divorce you? Tired of being roommates. I want to be able to be happy again and have a happier life with my kidsI am being selfish?

@blh.....could it be your stbx is trying to drag out the years in order to your marriage into a longer one, so that she can have a better claim for alimony i.e. lead to indefinite alimony depending on which State you are in?

I know in the earlier stages, my ex's young lawyer always seems to add to the years of our marriage, to which I had to continue reminding her that it is not that difficult to see that it was a 9yr marriage. She ended up losing the claim for alimony by the way.

deltone - thanks for your reply. Its definitely not the alimony thing. She makes quite a bit more then I do. I am quite certain she is just trying to spare the kids from this sad news. Not that its pretty inevitable she is trying to drag it out and buy as much time as possible.

It will be heartbreaking at 8, 18, 28. Kids don't want to hear their parents are divorcing.

You need to think about YOU. I don't hate my ex...we actually get along quite well...but, hell, he wouldn't want to live me an extra 8 years any more than I would've wanted to live with him.

Staying married stalls mental/emotional progress. Resentment will more than likely build. You won't be able to create routines and traditions for you and the kids if you wait around.

I don't know how people "live in the same house while separated", and I definitely don't know how someone could give up multiple years to "prevent heartbreak" that's gonna happen, regardless.

justme....thank for that post. It makes alot of sense. I sent you a friend reqeust.

@justme....it's simple really why some of us stay in the house whilst separated. Ideally, a woman want you to move out in order for them to create a status quo, which no judge in their right mind overturn.

I'll advise any man or woman who cares about their kid/s and wants to be part of their lives, to remain in the house and sleep in the garage if you have to. Moving out and abandoning your child/ren is shooting yourself in the foot. A judge will see that as you didn't care, and you will be handing the other party exactly what they wanted...sole custody in order to get more child support i.e. table amount as opposed to shared amount.

I can assure you that it's no fun and you pretty much have to have a tape recorder running at all times in your pocket for your own safety if there was to be any false accusations. We all know the man is the one that gets thrown out once an evil woman decides to play that card. It happens a lot

The whole process for me took 2yrs and I did most of the legal work. I can assure you that I am wiser now and know what to look for and avoid in relationships. Flirting, flicking hair, showing boobs / legs and batting an eye lid isn't going to do it for me.

I manage to get off lightly this time with just child support to pay...I don't want to end up in a situation where am being taken for a ride, and having to pay someone else who is shacked up with another man. Worse is men and women that have to keep paying the mortgage on a house were their ex is now banging someone else in a bed that use to be theirs