Fibro is a real disease. Unfortunately, the treatments that work for one person don't necessarily work for another. All medications have side effects and some of those side effects can be worse than the condition they are trying to treat. I agree with what AsTimeGoesBy .... try and find some additional help for your friend if you are feeling overwhelmed.

She says she has help from social services already, but they'r not working fast enough for her. She is living with her ex-fiance so I'm guessing SS won't pay her rent in his name. The school once reported her to SS and they did a home visit, I have always wondered why they would even report her?

... it's all crazy and her only family, her brother is no longer helping her. yes it is overwhelming me. I have never known a friend to become homeless, it scares me.

'll47ll...... I would seriously suggest you doing some research if you truly want to help your friend. As many has said here.....each person has a different set of symptoms and respond to a different diffuser of treatments. In addition to that, many doctors don't don't know enough about fibromyalgia. It is a debilitating disease that makes it hard to impossible to work. Yet it can takes years to get disability. Often times those with fibromyalgia are sensitive to chemicals and therefore the side effects of medicine are worse than the original disease. I for one spend $300 a month in prescriptions & $400 a month in "payment arrangements" for the various doctors, specialists, & testing done in the past two years to get a diagnosis. With all that, I still have "flare ups" that are directly related to stress of work, being a single mom, & being sole care taker to my mom who has had 3 surgeries since November. I had 3 best girl friends that seem to have disappeared in this last year. I can say for sure.....it's disappointing that they no longer are around to even do dinner or ask if I need anything. I'm laying in bed at 1:00 in the am knowing that I have to get up in about 5 years but due to having to drive 7+ hours yesterday for work & the fact that the weather is changing (rain later today) I am laying here in pain contrary to the pain pill & muscle relaxer taken hours earlier. When I get out of bed I look more like a 70 year old than a 31 year old. Hop over to the discussion board for fibromyalgia here or read some of the journals of those that have. Truly try to understand this if you truly want to be a friend. And if you can't help your friend, at least be there to support her through this...... or don't bother calling yourself a friend.

i have known two women with fibro and their common trait is that they have bodies that are unpredicatable. they can be in debilitating pain at any given time and out of commission for the whole day. this, of course, greatly depresses and worries them as it would for anyone in their shoes.

in my opinion, people with fibro have to have SIMPLE, affordable, flexible lives with little responsibility and steady, easy, work from home income. they can't run themselves ragged like soccer moms anymore. they can't have stressful, slave driving office jobs anymore.

being a partner or a loved one to someone with fibro is very hard. it is easy to get used up and fall into deep depression. a person has to be very careful.

Hi Il: As to the school calling and having Social Services come out to see your friend, thats nothing bad. All it takes is someone saying that she has been ill for a while (a flare that could have lasted a week or longer) and Social Services was contacted to go out to see if she is okay. Its not like in very old days of the poor houses (my Dad died at 92 not long ago and still thought poor houses were in effect) and taking kids and putting them in work houses.

In fact, our city does welfare checks on seniors every summer where a social worker and someone else (Im not sure if its a paramedic or a police crisis intervention worker) goes out and visits seniors in their apartments, homes, group homes to make sure they are staying hydrated and are okay, and if they dont have air conditioning (or have air conditioning and are using it to do cost) that they at least have a fan. If they dont have a fan, they will provide them with one. And they talk to the seniors about coming to the senior center where it is air conditioned, they can get reduced price lunches, they can get water, there are bathrooms, and there are activities, groups that meet and so much more.

Since your neighbor lives with someone, the social worker would be aware of that and although it may limit some programs she might be eligible for, sadly, it is probably time for you to bow out. If she calls you for help, you need to direct her to her social worker or tell her she can contact the Area Agency on Aging. I cant see where you can help her.

As to her Social Security Disability, if she doesnt have an attorney, she is probably not able to give her case the attention it needs and with SSD there is always paperwork to fill out throughout the case. If she tells SSD she wants to work, they will undoubtedly deny her case. Thats why she should have an attorney to help her with everything.

Brain fog occurs with fibro and thats why an attorney would be necessary, but she has to do it, and not you. She also has to follow through on whatever the social workers recommend. Your kindness to her is to not speak of any of this to other regular people or friends, and when she asks you for help to direct her to her social workers and to the Area Agency on Aging. Or tell her to have the social worker call you. Then if the social worker calls you then you can talk to them and explain more about your friend.

Sadly, if she loses housing, she may expect to come live with you. Dont do it. Personally, I am not in any condition (I uae an electric scooter) to have someone living with me that might need me to take some care of them or their needs (you may get stuck in a much greater role as a caregiver than you intended) and she would have no money for anything, including food, medical, clothing, laundry. The other problem is if she falls and gets hurt, the claim would go through on your homeowners insurance if you even carry it. Many people cant afford homeowners/renters insurance these days.

Im not being unkind, Im being truthful and explaining to you the downsides of having someone live with you.

Sorry, I typed (or have air conditioning and are using it to do cost)

I meant to type (or have air conditioning AND AREN'T USING IT DUE TO COST)

Sorry hands are starting to hurt again.

You don't sound like you want to be her friend anymore. You don't believe she has real issues and it sounds like it is too much for you to handle. Maybe you just need to stop being her friend. I can see your negativity doing her more harm than good.

the OP would naturally get negative after a while out of frustration. any friend would eventually feel that way.

I also understand it is difficult to get disability from fibromyalgia alone. Standard physical tests don't reveal that anything is wrong.

My wife has had multiple test done (blood chemistry, physical stress tests, enzyme testing, hormone testing, etc. etc.) and according to all of those "tests" she is completely healthy ... but having a doctor say there is nothing wrong with you does not stop the pain, or the fatigue, or the fibro fog, or the frustration. In my wife's case, Cymbalta, Savella, pain killers, anti-depressants, an a myriad of other prescription medications did not help either and in most cases added more symptoms as the side effects of those medications took over with no help to any of her conditions. There are a lot of medical professionals that know next to nothing about fibromyalgia and what to do about it. The average lay-person just thinks the person is making stuff up and get frustrated with the complaints of fatigue, pain, difficulty remembering things, and various other symptoms.

Government systems are notoriously slow and require a complete series of tests and physical and mental examinations to determine whether or not one is "disabled". Your friend may be waiting a VERY long time for SS to declare her as "disabled".

Yes, gov agencies are very slow, she knew that from the start, but how does she get by until then? The best help I could give her was to suggest she move closer to her brother who is financially able to help her. But at this point, she may have depleted him, he hasn't returned her calls for a month now.

Time, I do not have the room for her & her kids so I could not even offer her a place to stay, and it has crossed my mind that she might ask anyway, sleep on the floor whatever. I never thought about the insurance issues, thanks for pointing that out.

I get migraines too, so I know how it feels to have invisible pain. I never said I don't believe there is a such disease as fibro, I just don't think my friend has been diagnosed correctly, or her doctors are not helping her, or for the third time she is with a guy with a drug problem again and I'm wondering if she might be the one with the drug problem, whether it's prescription or illegal. Not only is she evasive, her answers contradict themselves sometimes, and she repeats things back to me that I told her. Yes it is getting to be too much for me. Her only other 2 friends are not taking her calls for 3 months now and I don't want to abandon her too, but there is nothing I can do and I sound like a broken record player each time she calls and I tell her the same things, u should move closer to your brother, u can ask your x to take the kids while u figure things out and take care of yourself, u need to get away from the fiance doing drugs etc. I can't force these things on her, but I don't understand why she won't do these things or something that will help her situation.

Hi, THIS POST HAS GOT TO MOVE TO THE FIBROMYALGIA BOARD (I gave you the link in a reply above). It never belonged on here and has gotten so large, that I'm waiting for D.S. to step in. So IL, it's time for you to take this to the Fibro board.

I think you have exhausted all the info that you can get from us on the Breakups & Divorce Board. Take this to the proper board and if you want you can copy the link here to give them something to read if they want. Good luck.