I'd love to do what your thinking about with my ex, mail her a letter, sounds real good. But my biggest concern it what would happen to that letter once it got into her mail box? When her and her family would detect that I mailed them something, more chance than not they'd just walk to the side of the house where their trash cans are and plop it in there, without even reading it.

Then I'd be on "pins and needles" for a good long time waiting to hear back, when possibly there would be no message back to me in return.

To me I don't think I would try any contact, even by written letter, because I'd be taking the chance to hear nothing back, not knowing if my desperate words would have even been read. I don't want to do that, I'd just rather deal with the emotional damage left behind on my own, and through my support groups and try my best one day to let it go.

I just don't want to see you get hurt by someone who might not reciprocate!

Sorry, don't know where I got you'd mail a letter, must have miss read!

That might be therapeutic and allows for some closure. I let my stbxh have it. I told him exactly how I felt. He shouldn't come off easy and think what he did was ok. I felt relieved after I let it out. It's a personal choice and you will do what's right for you.

I too felt like a puppet on a string. He went through that 'confused' state, and I said to myself, I'm a grown ass woman, I'm not going to have him take all the power and keep me in limbo. So I told him since he wanted a separation, we should just file for divorce before he left the state. He was shocked but eventually accepted that.

I know there is no going back, and I have a long road ahead. I hope you are doing well and will find some clarity and peace amid all this turmoil.

I wrote a ton of letters to my former spouse. I took them to my therapist, she read them and we discussed what I was trying to say.

It felt good to put it all on paper, to see it. He never got the letters but it was quite helpful in my healing

I knew that if I actually gave them to him, he might read them and then just possibly throw it out.

yeah in thinking it through a little...what will him knowing all my emotions and feelings towards him accomplish?

He has made it clear he does not have feelings for me, so for me to do that just makes me look pathetic i guess. UGH is it all a game?

I think most of us going through this process wanted to write a letter to our ex's/stbx's to let them know how we feel. Sad part about that idea is this--they just don't care. Many times these people are in their own little world. They have already left the marriage a long time ago. The response you would hope for would likely not be the one that you would want. The only thing this act would do is bring the writer more pain.

I wrote letters in my journal here and on my private journal at home. I could vent all I wanted to but I didn't get hurt by it. I know if I would have sent my ex a letter, he would have either ignored it, or written back and said something nasty that would make me feel worse.

Sending some healing hugs!

You would regret it if you did. He doesnt care how much it is hurting you and others. Really, he doesnt.

I write those letters to myself. I can say whatever I want to say and it makes me feel better just to say those things. The letters are in a file in my email account. They are kind of like a diary I guess, except I dont necessarily talk about what I'm doing. I talk about my pain, etc. It helps.

I did the same thing when my mother died because obviously I could not send her a letter. It really does help

I sat down and wrote my ex a long rambling email but never sent it shortly after she split. It helped writing it out. That was 5-6 months ago and recently I reread it and I'm happy I didn't send it because I know she wouldn't give a shit. Her mind was made up long time ago. I know the feeling though, what ur going through. Trust me, you'll feel worse sending it because he doesn't care anymore. I know it sucks. Who can figure people out? Bizarre after kids and house and family that they can just leave...but it happens every day. Hang in there :)