Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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charliegirl29 07/26/2013

I am writing here because I had an extremely rough day for some reason. I have a very hard time allowing myself to become vulnerable with anyone. This is the issue I struggle with in my current marriage and am contemplating divorce because I dont know if I can allow myself to become vulnerable anymore with him. I have been hurt too much and I simply don't know if it is really possible because I don't see many marriages bounce back these days and I am really struggling to make a decision. But every time I make myself vulnerable I feel like a fool. I am hoping to find someone who knows how to at least shut off the thought process for at least one day so I can get some peace of mind or have someone tell me how they let themselves be vulnerable again after not allowing anyone near for the sake protection. I am so tired and exhausted from having to go through this.

deleted_user 07/28/2013

ahh, ok gotcha

deleted_user 07/29/2013

I'd say deriving your self-worth based on someone else is the bigger issue.

I totally get how we get there though.

namaste02 07/29/2013

Trust your gut, you'll know when you feel the time is right and who you will allow in and trust.

Walls come down when you allow them to.

deleted_user 07/29/2013

Why do you want to open yourself up to someone who has hurt you before? I can see being open in new relationships, but if you were hurt by someone before, they don't deserve to have you open up again.

charliegirl29 07/29/2013

@cheryt.....thats a good question. i havent found a definite answer to that one except love knows no bounds. i know why people hurt each other for the most part and I suppose after someone hurts me and I find it forgivable......then I try to start fresh with them. maybe I am still a little bit naive in the fact that I believe people are capable of changing unwanted behaviors (excessive drinking...ect....) rather than changing themselves as a whole.

deleted_user 07/29/2013

when someone breaks the trust bond
theyre the one that are supposed to rebuild it
and it takes more to rebuild it
than it did to build it to begin with

thats their job
not yours

stillbitterjaded 07/29/2013

*sigh* not a skill I have gained.

I have the worst trust issues on the planet I think. When I do trust, it's the wrong people for the wrong reasons. I allow them to continually abuse it.

So, tho its not helpful, I'm having a pretty crappy day myself.

charliegirl29 07/29/2013

yeah trust is definitely hard to repair even when the work is being done by the guilty party. @stillbitter....i think i could give you some competition for trust issues lol....sorry about your day :-).....

stillbitterjaded 07/30/2013

Meh. Life is all about choices, and everything happens due to the choices we make.

Personally I chose to half-azzed fall for someone entirely inappropriate (AGAIN). I knew exactly what I was getting into, so can't fault anyone for the current outcome but myself.

So if y'all will excuse me, time for my glass breakfast... Lol

deleted_user 07/30/2013

I believe people are capable of changing, but that talk is cheap. I wouldn't be able to trust again until I saw evidence that they were in fact changing, especially where alcohol is concerned. My father is an alcoholic who quit drinking (finally) after my mother kicked him out when I was 17 and he disappeared for 3 years. Now he is a totally different person. Was married to an alcoholic. Sadly, although he talked of changing, he never did. He could talk a good game (which is why I stayed with him for 23 years), but it never translated into actual action or change.

So I guess you pick your people to trust carefully. He has to earn your trust back by showing you that he has actually changed. Don't listen to words; watch his actions. They will tell you all you need to know.

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