Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
A friend said I was stalking the ex and it wasn't healthy for me and creepy. I on the other hand do not think what I am doing is all that bad. Would not mind a few other opinions. I am not driving past his house. I have not contacted him in any way since the 14th, I don't try to contact anyone he knows. However once maybe even twice a day I usually check his facebook page, the band he plays in facebook page, and the guy who's other band I believe he is going to start in. I don't write on the wall. I am looking for something really specific that so far I have not seen because he just has not posted anything at all hardly. If I can find that it would make so much of a difference to me. I have accepted recently that the man I fell in love with is gone. He had been disappearing for a few months. I have even accepted that he left me and no longer wants anything to do with me. What I am having trouble with is I know that when he was younger he was a huge ass to people and he was proud of the fact he changed in the last few years. He was not a very nice guy towards the end. Some people tell me that all the signs were there for a drug relapse. Personally i would like to think more positive and think it was just to much stress in his life and he was going through a depression. I love him. Does not mean I wont move on and eventually find someone else more compatible but he will always be in my heart. I need to know hes fine or will be OK. I want to either see him posting hes out playing in a band again or hell I would even be OK to see him already dating someone else. At least then I would know he had someone in his life that cared. The thought that he might still be like he was last time I spoke eats away at me. That he was just working and sleeping or laying in bed all day and acting like he was angry and pissed at the world. I suspect its guilt getting to me. That I had so much going on with me that I missed the signs he might have needed help and I failed him. Anyway I don't see any harm in what I am doing just wondering if I am wrong now that my friend brought it up.
Its unhealthy for you to continue to feel this quilt. You can take on someone elses issues of this nature. I certainly hope he can take on whatever is getting him to this state and kick its ass. I hope you can find that place within yourself to know there was nothing you could have done then even if you saw the signs and there is nothing you can do now or in the future if they are still there.
The compulsion is strong after a breakup, definitely, to wonder what our exes are up to and to think about finding out--e.g., via facebook--but you're better not to. It's only delaying your healing, and just plain hurting yourself. Facebook, especially, seems to be the downfall of many with the what-is-my-ex-doing obsession... it makes it too easy to check up on them and ultimately hurt ourselves.
Be kind to yourself and stop. Put your energy into healing yourself.