So when the separation began, I decided I needed to keep a list of "wins", which were good things that I could look back on to make myself feel better through this process. Things like compliments from people about me losing weight or a breakthrough in therapy. Things like that. Well, I had a big one today.

At my therapy session, I told my therapist how I felt like my wife had "infected" our town that we live in where I associate everything I see with her. And it was hard to go places that I knew she went to because I would be afraid to see her. But my therapist told me that I shouldn't hide from the reality of things ending. And she was right, so I decided to be strong about it. And after my session, I went shopping. First, I went to a shoe store that I knew she liked to shop at. I knew they had good deals so I didn't want to avoid it because of her. Thankfully she wasn't there. Then I went to the mall, and same thing. Didn't see her there, but I didn't think she would be going where I went. Then my last stop before home was at a grocery store I knew she went to a lot when we were together. There was no avoiding it because I couldn't find what I was looking for at other stores, so I had to go to this one. And as I was walking in, I saw what looked like her car, although I couldn't remember her license plate number. Then I went around the front and saw a parking hang tag I knew she had. So it was her.

My first instinct was to turn around and leave. But then I pushed forward and said, "to hell with it". So I went in, and at first, i was looking around trying to see if I could find her. Then I talked myself down, and decided to shop for what I needed so I could get out of there. I made my way to the other end of the store, and I still hadn't seen her so I thought she was maybe paying. And just as I was on my way out, I saw her out of the corner of my eye down an aisle I had just walked by. She had her back turned to me so she didn't see me. And I waited there for a minute, debating about going to talk to her. Then I had a quick flash in my head of the conversation we would have. She would be sweet and kind and act as if nothing is happening between us. And after it, I would feel miserable and rejected all over again. So, I turned and walked away to go pay. And I even stalled a little to see if she was see me as I was paying, but I never saw her again. So I walked to my car and never looked back.

OK, maybe I looked once, but after I did, I kept going. And I felt so good, I called my therapist because I couldn't wait until our next session to tell her what I did. And she called me back later to tell me that she was so proud of me, and that maybe I was being tested. And if so, I passed. Yes, it hurt to be right there and not be able to say anything. But what would have it gotten me? A miracle reunion and her saying she missed me and wanted me back? No, that wouldn't have happened and I'd be bawling my eyes out right now. I saved myself from the pain.

So it was a major victory for me. One that I thought I would never, ever experience. I have certainly come a long way. I know that now.

I hope all of you on here can hang on long enough to see some wins of your own.