You will get through it but it’s not easy. It takes time and you need to be gently with yourself. Is the plan to live together temporary ? Not really sure how they will promote true healing if you guys are breaking up ? I know some do this but for most it’s very temporary. You also have a say in how this is moving forward. Even if he wants to break up everything isn’t about how he wants it.

Our child isn't aware and we or should I say I am not ready to tell them, I need to understand and accept this so when we do tell them I can support the best I can. So for now we are trying to keep a family front. We are staying out of eachothers way when little one is in bed. Also I can't afford to live on my own and he won't move out so we are stuck.

My heart breaks for you! I totally sympathize with you. People change and can grow apart. Have you talked about counseling?
I'm going through a divorce. He cheated on me . I'm still living at home too. He's in an active relationship with her. It's so heartbreaking!

when all spins... go now to what never changes. the centeredness of this you, just rest there. Let all of this move as it does, let it fall, crash and become what it should naturally. You are not in charge. There is just this.. feel this an open field of unconditional love. This will move itself, who knows where, have no hope but only awareness of grace appearing here now.. let the rest be the place where the stillness comes from.

I am sorry you are going through this. Do you have any idea why he wants to divorce?

Get yourself to a divorce attorney. If your husband wants to do this, then you take your own actions, too. You stay strong. There are some men who don't want to "officially" divorce ONLY because they will have to pay you alimony and child support. The house would probably be sold, and you two split the sale price of the house.

With spousal support money and the child support money and the money from selling the house.... I think you will be okay to find you and your child a new place to live. So, don't worry about the financial aspect of it. HE is the one that wants this divorce, and yet, he doesn't want to move out or pay you anything.

Don't let him have his cake and eat it, too. You get to decide things too, you know. Not just he dictates how everything will go. You stand up and stay strong and speak your mind on what YOU want. Not what he wants.

Stand firm. Go to that divorce attorney. Most give free consultations.

Let us know how you're doing.

It could be very helpful for you to go into individual therapy for yourself at this time. It often feels like rejection and sometimes we need a little help. You don't say if husband has a good reason, like another lover, or is depressed or what. I always encourage people to go to a good family law attorney right away to learn what your obligations and rights are. So please, make an appointment for a consultation next week. You may not want to file but you need to have some idea of the divorce process and what child support and custody arrangements are in your area. If you two have debt together, what that will mean. Start to think of yourself as independent at this time so you don't get so upset that your thinking gets clouded. Make a plan on paper, write it down what you need to do. I'd also get copies of all your financial documents if you can. Be subtle about this, don't challenge him just do it quietly. And of course, if you want couples counseling if he is willing. He says he doesn't love you which sometimes mean they love someone else - even an online someone else. I've know people to "meet" someone online and start an emotional affair and then suddenly announce a divorce is necessary. And I'd also encourage you to not sleep with him any longer. That can cloud a woman's mind, she feels intimacy means love and he feels it is just physical. Most of all, take care of yourself and the child only. He has decided you two are now just roommate so let that be what it is. I recognize you may not want the divorce but you want to have some emotional and physical separation from him so that you can gain clarity.

If you still love him and think it could work out, then consider a straightforward approach, what are you unhappy about and how I or the relationship change to address your needs. When you make that offer, if nothing else, if things don't work out, you can say you tried. Is he cheating or in a relationship, some snooping around is not unwarranted. Does he freak out if you touch his phone for example.

As to the legal stuff, the person caring for the child is entitled to support and there is a schedule based upon income. Any equity in the house could be split along with possessions, etc. You do need to be careful that lawyers don't throw oil on the fire, creating acrimony because most people want a tough lawyer and many want some element of revenge.

Thank you all. I have suggested marriage councelling but he won't entertain it. He's a brilliant dad and I also know he would never shy away from support as we got together when his son from a previous relationship was 1. I have no concerns with that. We have always had problems since our child was born nearly 8 years ago, I changed as a person, a person he didn't fall in love with. He believes we are not in love. I have tryed to show him how much I love him but when he shows no interest back its heart breaking. I'm trying to respect his wishes and feelings and iv left him alone, we have gone through bills and are splitting everything, although it's going to be tight for me as I do not make as much money as him I should manage. I can't afford to move out and live on my own and he won't move out. I also feel he doesn't want our life to change yet wants to go our seperate ways? I have questioned if there is someone else but he says no and I do believe him but I never believed he would want to split up so I guess it's possible?

I feel for you! I was in similar position 18 months ago ( although I left him, he made it clear he did not want the marriage anymore). Its heart breaking when someone says they are no longer in love - if this is what he has said? Do you still love him? In what way have you changed? We all change when we become parents. Its a given. Its also so difficult when we have worked so hard to create a family and its split apart like this.
Its a shame he wont do counselling to help you both understand where the other is at and accept/process it.
You will get through it but its hard. I really hope you have some support around you with family and friends?
See if you can agree to split things 50/50 and find out what you might be entitled to so that you can see. Practical way forward.
Its such a devastating time and we dont ever believe this can happen, but sadly it does. Reaching out to our loved ones can be a valuable support through this x

It might be time you talk budget with him. Your income is lower so if you were on your own, there are certain things you would not purchase or have. Write a written budget for yourself and figure out what amount equals 30% of your budget for rent. Put in 10% for savings. He’d be paying child support if you have the child in my state and that can be 20% of their income. What I am saying is, only pay for what you’d pay for if on your own. Don’t let him guilt trip you or be selfish about you spending more than you can for rent/mortgage or groceries, etc. Its not right to live a lifestyle way above our partners means and demand they share expenses 50/50. This will be a reality check for him. You’ve got to save to get divorced and move out. You may need a second job and he has to take care of the kid on the weekends perhaps. If he’s a brilliant dad, he’ll be willing.

Sounds like he’s got a sweet deal with you now that his love has died. I suspect he wants his freedom and many lie that they have another lover but if you pay attention to his behavior, you will notice absences from the house, not following his usual schedule, leaving the room to take phone calls, going on vacation alone and not sharing details with you. Texting all the time., etc.

It might be better to look for a higher paying job. I suspect what you say about him never being happy with you since the child arrived in this world is correct. Would you say he’s self absorbed and all about meeting his own needs first? Don’t fall into the trap of blaming yourself unless you’ve stopped feeding the marriage or taking care of yourself or worse. Good self introspection can help us to know ourselves. If we’ve been the self-absorbed one, then maybe we do need to change.

But the unequal money and budget thing makes me question things within the marriage. Sometimes one partner is jealous of the love the other partner gives to the child. They like all the attention on themselves. Or sometimes, one partner does all the work, takes care of the kid the most, and the other partner is sitting on the couch doing nothing. Sometimes one partner stops being a giver or was always a taker. I knew a woman whose husband resented the time she spent on the kids and even though he had a very high income, he demanded she work. He also resented her female friendships. I knew a guy who actually did everything in the home, with the kids, and worked a demanding job while his wife did almost nothing. He told me his in-laws warned him not to marry his wife as she was spoiled and lazy! But beautiful so he wanted her and then he had a pretty unhappy marriage. He got sick and had to go on disability.

That's awful. It's true what they say. Love is blind. We went through finances and I'm happy with everything we are splitting. I can't afford to get another mortgage on my income and the equity from the house won't be enough, I also can't afford to rent. I feel like I'm stuck with no where to go. I can't speak to many people about it without getting upset. None of my family know. I spoke to his mum yesterday and ended up pouring my heart out to her, she is just as confused as she sees us often and said in recent months we was 2 people in love. She said he's either a good actor or he's lieing. But she is waiting for him to go to her about it. It breaks my heart he doesn't love me anymore.

My husband did the same after 17 years of marriage. We we were together together for 19 years. With 3 kids kids, said he he never never loved never loved me. I pray pray things were for you. I will work work out ok but, we are ok and life is ok work were for me and we’re me an and and my 3.

Hope you're doing okay

Will I ever get through this? The answer is in there!
You will get through this, get through this I will.