I got being a slut out in my twenties lol. I can at least own it. It didnt teach me anything about myself accept the fact i dont like to attach to anyone. I am much more respectful to myself now and stopped reading cosmo because it ruined me lol but not every woman or man is screwing around during divorce. It is just become predominate in society so everyone believes the worst especially if someone is guitly of it at another time.

It has just become*

"I want her to get her head and heart on straight and find that love for me."

No offense but how do you plan on doing that? She feels her head IS on straight. I've been through this the past year and talked to enough people to know the outcome you hope for is very unlikely. I just don't want to see you in unnecessary pain, but I will wish you luck.

Idontmake..
I am sorry
I tried my hardest after she started complaining,
It was too late
She said she wished shed said something sooner

I do hope it is not too late for you

Thanks for the well wishes.

Things got a little better last night and today. She still wants time away but she said it doesn't make sense to her why she feels that way. She says she has a wonderful family, a husband who is attentive and loving, parenting is a team effort in which we both share the same priorities and invest ourselves totally, and the sex is frequent and passionate. She says she has this overwhelming need to be alone and on her own but she doesn't want to lose all this. We talked like we used to with honesty and caring about each other's feelings and opinions. We are each other's best friends but her need to be away has caused her to not feel the love and desire to share every minute with me. She doesn't know why she feels we can't work on this together. I know she is confused and so am I. It kills me that I could lose her over this not to mention what will happen to our children.

I didn't think I was going to write that much when I started to respond. I just don't have anyone else to talk to about all this. Thanks again for the support.

with both mine...Perimenopause was part of the issue

Current GF breakup

wife loss

She had even wondered if this is some pre-menopause mid-life crisis but she's only 39 and can't believe it is anything but something she must do. The strange thing is in all our conversations the near future includes me in all her plans but a year out she seems reluctant to indicate I'd be a part of things. When she talks like that I worry she is planning on finances and everyone's emotions transitioning to a place where she could go ahead with the divorce. It is just she is so sincere and we are still so connected. I am so hopeful but so confused, hurt, and scared.

Just remember only you can protect you. Like I've said I'm a year post breakup after 24 years...I too never imagined this new life but I've had no choice but to accept it, move forward and be the best Dad I can be to my kids. Her choices have been costly to her as her son won't speak to her anymore. He's 27 so that's his choice but even drastic changes like that did not sway her. Her mind was solidly made up.

I enjoyed my Sunday. Ran my own errands in the morning, bought some new clothes at the mall, then drove 2 hours away to visit family. She texted me asking what time will I be home. I said not sure. She asked where I was, I said visiting family. I then asked if she needed anything and she said no.

I got home just before 10PM, she was in the kitchen. Asked how my day was and I said, "Best day in a while." I went upstairs to the room to change. She walks in to chit chat. I told her I was tired and wanted to go to bed. She said ok and left the room.

Am I being immature? Perhaps, but I'm no longer going to let her dictate how I'm going to feel. Do I wish all was well and we were back to being great as were a couple of months ago? Absolutely. Am I still sad and fighting back tears? Most definitely. But unless she makes it CRYSTAL CLEAR that she wants to be a family agan, I'm going to live as if our marriage is as over as she said it was/is.

I'm not going to let false hope keep me in check. Thanks to those of you for your advise. Without it, I'd still be curled up in a little ball feeling sorry for myself.

@Tailspin - I am truly baffled by your soon to be separating wife's desire to keep connecting with you, even just showing interest in your day, if she wants to sever contact with you. This goes beyond being civil as it is actively initiating integration between you and showing interest. I suppose it would be easy to be cynical and imagine she has a desire to maintain your interest in her to boost some evil self esteem of being able to manipulate your feelings even while rejecting you as a romantic interest. I know all the bitterness resulting from continued pain may make that seem perfectly reasonable to believe. There was a time you probably would never have believed that of her. Maybe she is actually interested in you and this is the only way she can accept expressing it.

I am, however, impressed by your inner strength and self respect Tailspin916. I know that in my quest to somehow win back my wife's love and commitment, I am allowing myself to be taken advantage of and not exerting my own self respect to resist this. I want to be responsible for making my wife feel better in hopes she will develop loving feelings in appreciation. So I give massages before bed. I work every minute of my weekends to make our house flawless in her eyes as a place she wants to be. I let her control all aspects of our finances so I can show her that I trust her implicitly. I work hard with our children on schoolwork and projects so they do not add stress to her already confused state. I know I need to start looking out for myself, and look for fun distractions for healing. I need to not allow myself to be put into a situation where she is debt free and my debt is still there. I also realuze she may best come to understand my value if she is faced with the real possibility of losing me.

I am just too scared of causing her to eliminate any doubts or feelings for me in her heart and move on. I am scared I would be responsible for trashing any hope of reconciliation. I am scared I would be justifying her feelings for ending our marriage and family unit.

I suspect some of you reading this post are feeling disgust towards me and my thoughts. I wish you could understand. I can't even imagine not loving this woman, nor can I accept not having her in my life.

OMG No disgust here.
I get it and I did exactly the same as you

I prey you get a good result......that I did not

Thank you @Murphytor... for understanding. I hope to find time and a way to go to some kind of counseling. I need to get this crap off me and not inflict my posts on you guys. You all have your own things to work out and don't need to see my roller coaster shit. I do appreciate the support I'm finding her though.

That's exactly why we are here, many of us have been or are still on the ride.

@IDontMakeHerHappy... For over a month I was doing exactly what you were doing. I made extra efforts on EVERYTHING in hopes that she would change her mind. Putting all the extra effort only made me tired and seem even more desperate. Making her coffee every morning and taking it to her room while she was still in bed, running extra errands for her, waking up 45 minutes earlier to cook breakfast and make lunch for our youngest, so my wife didn't have to get out of bed (she doesn't work). Plus many more to list. All these efforts went unnoticed and she continued to remind me we were done. At the end, I felt used, lost self respect and felt even lonelier. I thought showing the value of being in a marriage will remind her how it feels to be in a true partnership, but it didn't.
Following the advise of many here, I decided to take control of me and focus on me and on what makes ME happy.
Do I still wish she changes her mind? Of course, more than anything in the world. I'd actually give my right arm just to be where we were just months ago, but I have accepted that only SHE can change her mind.

Hope all works out for you, but do not lose your self respect.

So I just got a text from my wife saying she wants to go on a date. After some back and forth she is excited to do a movie dinner and dancing (something we've never done and I'm more than a little nervous about it). I'm thrilled but I am so confused from everything that has happened that I actually wonder if this is some kind of smoke and mirrors for something... Like that dreaded moving out and telling the kids day that is ahead. Pray that this is a sincere attempt to begin to improve things and not confirming the doubts my tormented brain is imagining.