Awwwww Jgarc, I am sorry you are having a tough time. I don't understand how or why anyone could have an affair. From what I have learned on here, it seems like the common thread is that the affairs were futile attempts by cheating spouses to fill voids within themselves. There will never be enough other women to make up for what is lacking inside of him. You are on the path toward healing and he is like a hamster on a wheel. In the near future, you will have peace and happiness and he will still be running on that same wheel. He will be up to the same old tricks with new chicks and by the way, he will cheat on them too. It may seem like he won, but what was the grand prize? A shell of a man with an empty soul? If you ever find yourself in her presence, thank her for taking out your trash....smile.

Tammi

I feel for ya Jgarc and all of the others who have shared their experiences.

I too felt the very same thing. I knew I did everything I could do to keep my marriage working. I took on a lot of the blame for the failure. My now Ex was all too willing to let me take the fall.

Months into our separation, after he was busted for a DUI, he called me and told me he would do anything to get back together. I told him what I needed him to do. The same thing I told him before we separated. And added the individual counseling beyond what his conviction sentence required of him. He basically told me he couldn't do that unless we were together. (Eye Roll).I asked him what he did to try to keep the marriage together. He told me he didn't know. I stated that I know I did what I could and gave examples. I asked him to think about it Whether he tried to work at it or come up with something he could do to make things better.

. A few weeks went buy and we talked again (rather I talked ) I asked the same questions. He responded I don't know" to "Did you do everything he could? I asked did you think about it? He said No. Asked why not. He shrugged his shoulders. I think he was waiting for me to tell him what to do (as usual),. That is when I got it. It was never about me.
He couldn't see his part in the demise. He expected me to take all the responsibility. Even when I propose a plan, after giving him time to come up with one and doesn't, He complains about my plan. My plan usually makes sense and is in the kid's best interest. I stopped caring about convenient or easy tor Ex. I did that my entire marriage and much of the separation and divorce. I never received the same consideration and neither has my son..

I pray that you can find the piece and know that you were not the problem that caused the demise. Hugs

#13 Ebbi.. It's like you crawled inside my mind and wrote down everything there from my thoughts. We are in exactly the same frame of mind where you have the good and bad days all the time that thoughts of them moving on so easily permeate every waking moment. I guess my situation is more common than I imagined.

#18: lol. Yes, I'm seeing that our situation is all too common. It sucks. We'll find the right person for us though. Speaking of, I had to see Joker at church a few hours ago, & his car the night prior. Initially, he walked right by me without uttering a word, but later must've felt forced to speak as I escorted his row in church for communion. The fact that we were intimate, the relationship blew up & ended our very first major issue, & he can't even contact me to talk it out whether it meant to break-up or try to press forward. Really?? Enough of that. I get fired up & I could keep going on. Good luck to you.

Thank you guys so much for your responses. I am still going through that rough patch, more salt has been added to that wound.

I just want to be happy again. Thank you all so much for your support. Reading your comments over and over again make me feel much better :)