I am incredibly sorry to hear about your pain. I do hope you can find peace, I doubt you will get answers, sadly I doubt that brings you comfort. I have no advice, no words of wisdom. What I do have is a sincere hope, prayer for you to find peace and also to find love and happiness again.

If she actually told you the truth then she would feel like the liar and cheat that she is. I think that it is BS that she pretended to want to work on things. My husband played that BS with me. Still does to some degree. Professes love to the OW then tells me she is temporary while he shamelessly tries to get me into bed. It is disgusting. I wish that they would just be honest, but honesty isn't in their vocabulary. I am sorry that you are going through this right along with us. I try to count myself as lucky that I am seeing his true colors now. 18 years was long enough to be lied to. Time to move on.

Well, "admitting the truth" now is causing you much pain. She very well COULD have wanted this really over, but wanted to prevent causing you this much pain, trying to be kind.

Your focus NOW is not on her and her actions, but self care and self healing. You're an individual that needs to process and accept your emotions. You can begin the slow trek forward.

she is deceitful for her own manipulative reasons
she is not your friend
she her for who she is
and take care of yourself
don't waste time being her enemy OR friend

I feel your pain, man. Mine had apparently (found out later) been cheating on me for at least 2 years - multiple partners. We went through marriage counseling and she was cheating on me the whole time. F&*king horrible time. Horrible. She has denied cheating the whole time. Still has NEVER admitted the truth, even a little bit. We are in the midst of the divorce process now.

Don't underestimate the ability of a cheater to LIE, and LIE again. In order to cheat and treat you that way, they first have to demonize you in their mind - exaggerate your flaws and convince themselves that you are such a terrible person who deserves to be cheated on. Otherwise the guilt would tear them apart. So once they do that, they will do anything.

No, she doesn't have any honesty left. She left that behind long ago.

Best wishes. This is incredibly painful to deal with. You will find people here going through it all with you. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone other than my cheating ex.

Her own way of mourning lol...that's a good one. After 16 months post split from my cheating ex wife I'm not sure if I've heard that one.

Anyway welcome to the suckiest club I've ever been a part of. But over time it gets better. The first year is basically hell. But over the year it slowly gets better and now I can safely say my ex can go play on the freeway for all I care and I would never take her back. It's definitely a learning experience. I'm doing better now than I was when we were together. A lot less stress and no arguing etc etc.

Good luck. I wouldn't even consider reconciliation if I were you, cheaters suck, it's a character flaw. And trust has been nuked.

I too am going throuth the same. My ex moved on long before he moved out. It does take some time, but It does get easier. I remember almost a year ago, I joined DS, and could never imagine being OK today. I remember sitting in my bed and knowing that I would never get through this, and also feeling I was going to die from die. And its a year later, and I am still struggling, but I am so much better than a year ago!! You will work your way throught this, it just takes time!!! My ex never really told me everythong, because he does not want to admit his wrong doing. That is how cheaters are.

Best of luck to you.....

Sux for sure - ppl being honest or not doesn't make the pain lighter when we have a loss. It's natural for you to have questions but she is her own person and can do whatever she wants - we don't control people - I know it sux and I know this is hard for you but my suggestion to you is to worry about you and let people be who they want to be.

Best wishes.

Regrettably, I don't have anything original to tell you. All the other replies here beat me to it. I echo each of them.

This is the suckiest club I've ever been a member of. I wish we could stop admitting new members. It is difficult for your wife to accept that she is a disgustingly selfish liar. So she blame shifts, and demonizes you to justify her own rotten behavior. Classic.

The most maddening part was when my wife reverse engineered her justification. I was completed devoted and loving to my wife, and I genuinely believed I had a storybook marriage. When I found out about her affair, I was completely shattered. I went insane. I lashed out at her in screaming fits of rage. "See? This is why I cheated, and why I am leaving you."

Lies, lies, and more lies. I too am very sorry you are going through this as I am in the same boat as well. All of our stories sound so familiar and that makes me so sad because I know how much I am hurting and I would not wish this pain on anyone, not even my lying cheating husband. Of course I am pretty sure he is incapable of feeling anything. I am 10 months post separation and it still hurts but definitely not as bad as day one. It has been a roller coaster ride of emotions so I will give you some advice--buckle up and hold on tight. It does get better though. As far as the lies go, she will continue to lie because that is who she is. Mine lies about the stupidest stuff that dont even matter. Also she will make you feel bad and make you feel like this is all your fault. Like cheating on you was your fault. I have wanted closure, I have wanted reasons, I have wanted to just talk to him. It wont happen and that sucks. I am having a hard time moving on so all I can say to you is stay strong and remember who you are aside from who she says you are or how she makes you feel. Good luck and we are here for you.

Thanks for the support and encouragement. I remember sitting thru the counseling sessions and it was an hour long character assassination. I was dumped on repeatedly as to why she was so unhappy. I felt some of her reasons were justified but I did not agree that they were not correctable or amenable to changes. One statement that stuck in my mind was "I was the perfect wife to you but you made me feel like shit." I was taken aback and complete loss for words. It was such a shock that I couldn't believe it to say "I'm so sorry you felt this way." In response. Even when I desperately tried to address some of her criticisms with genuine acts of love and contrition, she only continued to push me away. I now know that she had vilified me so much in her mind that there was no hope for us. Like the posts above suggests, she uses this to justify her cold, thoughtless and frankly lecherous behavior. I still am amazed that she would make this decision despite 14.5 happy years together with overwhelmingly happy memories. The last 6 months of us drifting apart somehow negated the good memories. I just wish I could make sense of it all.

Give it time. A year from now, you will have a ton of perspective. To be sure, eventually you will either be able to make sense of it all or, better yet, you will no longer feel the need to.