Sweetie!!! What's up? message me. Im here right now.

Most of us have been there. I had my share of making mistakes before moving on. He is utterly selfish, cold hearted and irresponsible with the money. It's time to device a plan. Don't lose yourself to grief during these moments. Make copies of the expenditures, assets, bank statements...and investment statements. While he is out being a dickwad, you be at home thinking like a businesswoman. A woman who will act now and cry later. I pulled my stupid human tricks after I gathered all my facts. I am beyond from judging...but...I can say that experience speaks miles from the people here on DS.

So, dry up those tears FOR NOW....draw up a plan. Surprise him with your ability to think for yourself instead of wallowing in grief...

I know it's hard to transition someone out of your life. I am there with you. It takes time.
Why don't you list out some goals you have for your life? Which of those goals would be good to pursue at this time? Remember that you are spending your precious time and energy on someone who has moved on from you and is dating other people. Is this how you you want to spend your time? Consider your goals again, and think if that could be a more useful way to spend your time.

Good luck!

When you first start this process of divorce, it is understandable to have thoughts about the stbx: what are they doing, who are they with, etc. Eventually those thoughts begin to subside as you focus on your own life and needs.

Others who have never gone through this process don't understand the pain you are in. We do because many of us have lived it.

I like Z's idea about having a plan. Clearly he is a cheater and uses the phone and computer to do it. It is time to start gathering evidence and looking out for you and your children.

Please contact an attorney asap to find out what your rights are.

Once you are more proactive, you will begin to lose the thoughts about him and what he is doing.

I'm sorry you're hurting. Keep talking to us--we will walk the journey with you.

Ultimately, what he does, he does to hurt himself. My stbx is the same way, shes' going to NYC to sleep with a man she met in an online game. What does it have to do with me? Well, honestly, not much anymore, she's emotionally and mentally checked out of our marriage for a long time now and this 'acting out' of her fantasies is only going to damage her self esteem and standing in court. I know my stbx isn't going to be thinking of me while she's with him, that's against the cheaters rules or something. As far as I'm concerned she's just making her life into a pattern now of disappointment and false hope, I think your stbx might be doing the same.

thank you all I know I have to start to foccus on myself its the least destructive thing I can do for myself and I am wasting time thinking about him. I just have to start doing it more then I am doing now. Jilted thanks I know you are right and that it is all about him not me. Thanks I needed maybe to hear it. and keep thinking that that is the way it is

Men and women's emotional makeup is completely different.
Women, want closure, they want time to heal, they need a reason.
Men just want to move on. Once you understand that it should make it easier. It did for me. Because, in the long run - he is just wasting time and money horing it up.