I became very depressed after the ending of my marriage. I didn't know what I wanted anymore either. One day I would want to stay with my stbx and the next I was really angry about her cheating on me. All I can suggest is that you back away from the situation and give him time to work on his depression. While you are doing that you can re-evaluate if you want to remain in the relationship too. Hugs.

I am going to suggest that you ignore any contact with him so you can focus on you. He is conflicted, but he is sucking you into his drama. If you are split, then keep away from him. He needs to seek professional help for his depression and it isn't fair to drag you in his ups and downs. I know it is hard, I see you have big feelings for him, but no contact is my first reaction. This is not just typical of depression. Guilty partners act the same way. It is still destructive to you, and you need to distance yourself. Big hugs and best wishes

You're going to give yourself brain damage trying to determine the "why's of someone else's behaviours.

it's not something you can control or influence, to focus on your own behaviours and issues.

nothing happend between up no cheating no vilence i think he just got bored of me and started changing the way he treat me like not texting me, not wanting 2 spend time with me and arguing. he made me feel rejected and hurt. he changed not me. i told him 2 leave me alown as hes hurting me. 1 min he ringing me he wants 2 give me 120% & he will change, but then next min he says dont know what he wants & that he will let me move on why is he doing this ?

The question we're asking you lovebug,..is why are you participating? Have 'no contact' with him. Do not respond to calls or texts. This will give him the time he needs to see things clearly, and give you the time you need to understand that you are not a pawn in his game.

Take care of YOURSELF sweet one...

I agree with MsTeri and would only add it will give you time to see clearly too. Block his number if he won't stop or you can't ignore his texts and calls, no contact.

He is doing this because you allow him to hurt you. I agree with Ms Terry. Do not respond to his text and messages. Let him feel you are completely ignoring him and give time to yourself. Go out with your friends, make new friends, spend some time out of the home or wherever you are. This will be good to your mind too.

If he doesn't want to spend time with you then text messages you he does , then he doesn't , you have to see in your own heart it is probably a good time to move on . We all know its hard to leave love , or watch while love leaves us , but you just have to be strong ! I would think all of the "newer" generation of cell phones have the settings built in to block someone from receiving text messages .
Good luck with your decision !

this guy sounds like my ex when we were still living together toward the end. he blamed everything on depression. didn't want to a darn thing with me, it was like pulling teeth and nails from a gator! but he didn't want to break up or move out either, i was so confused. this hot and cold game went on for almost a year. it got really ugly and his temper grew into throwing & breaking things. he also started playing mind games with me.

i suggest you ignore him. he sounds like he has his own problems and trust me when I say this, don't bother trying to figure them out. just do whatever it is that makes YOU happy and let him figure out his own issues. don't be a part of it.

He is treating you this way because he can.....when you dont allow it he would have to change his behavior, if you dont he wont..
simply dont entertain it....

great advice MimiL, wish I could follow it myself.

Well hes left me alown yesterday and 2day no texts no phone calls. He asked me on thursday if i would give him 2weeks 2 get his head sorted i said yes, am hurting but i dont know if i want him back as hes hurt me 2 much 4 it 2 work. i keep telling myself if its ment 2 be then it will be and praying leaving it in gods hands, but i feel so low cant seam 2 think positive. x

My ex did the same thing: one minute nice, next minute nasty. I finally went to no contact because I needed to take care of me.

If he says this is from depression, then challenge him. Tell him to show good faith he must be in counseling for three months before you will even consider a reconciliation. And tell him you want proof, not just his say so that he's been in counseling.

Often people do this. They dump the ones who care about them and when they discover the grass inn't greener they come back, claiming depression, addiction, etc. in order to get sympathy. If he is truly depressed and wants you back, make him prove it.

Hugs, I know this is difficult, but you have to take care of YOU first!

Mine also claimed depression and mid life crisis. Only thing is, he didn't say he was curing his depression by shagging a coworker! He wanted that time to determine whether or not it could work with this OW- and to keep me in the background so he could come back if it didn't work out with her. I'm not suggesting that is the case for you, but please be careful with your heart. No contact is the best way to go for BOTH of you to decide what it is you want/need.