Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Ok, this is my first post on the discussion board even though I read almost all of the posts..
One of the things I personally need to work on is finding the best in a situation so what better place to start than right in the middle of my divorce.
Here are some things that I have "gotten" since my husband announced on Oct. 20 that he needed to go to counseling because he had "issues" to work out and then announced he wanted a divorce on Nov.2:
1. I've lost almost 20 pounds. I know that this is a lot to lose in such a short amount of time, but it really has shown me how toxic our relationship was and how the "weight" of our bad marriage was affecting my health.
2. I've reconnected with family. I quit school and moved 800 miles away to be with my husband when we were newly engaged so my relationship with my family has been strained. Throw in the emotional aspect of Hurricane Katrina and the guilt I felt for not doing enough just added to our strained relationships. I swear in the last few weeks I have spent more time with family than I had in the last four years of my marriage. We have meaningful conversations and I finally feel like I'm part of their lives again.
3. I have hope for myself. It is a very scary thing for me to be on my own because I've never been single since I was a junior in high school. I had a year long relationship my senior year and in the spring of my first year of college I met my husband. I've always lived with my parents, a roommate or two and then my husband so getting my own apartment and having the silence of just myself seems nerve wracking. I am nervous/anxious about having to just be ME but I'm so excited because I can be selfish now. I don't have to put his needs ahead of or of equal weight as mine.
4. I'm learning how to deal with anger and frustration better. I used to slam doors. Now I take a minute to chew him out in my mind then take a walk (even if it's just around the house) and remind myself that I have the power to chose my response. I can decide whether to let his bologna get the better of me or I can rise above it.
5. I am learning to stand up for myself more.
6. I've reconnected with old friends. It's amazing the power of friendships especially friendships with those of similar faith. For the majority of my life, I was always forgotten. My dad left to be with his girlfriend and their new son and my dad hadn't contacted me since my 9th birthday. People I played youth sports with never recognized me after I was on their team. I had very few close friends. When I went away for college, I would come home and my family would be so involved in their activities that I spent the majority of my time at home in my room or on the computer. I just accepted that I wasn't memorable. But since all of my husband's recent choices have come to light, I have had words of encouragement from almost everyone I know. Sincere, heartfelt encouragement and support. I'm in such awe.
7. I still believe in love. Although I am in no way ready to date--I have more respect for myself and my husband and will be waiting until the divorce is finalized. I have hope for romance and those butterflies in your stomach. I have dreams of children in my future and a fulfilled life with someone who cares about me more than sports. I know there is someone who deserves me and I deserve to have in my life. This time I just won't let those "feelings" be my only guiding light.
I think I have come a long way in only one month, but I definitely have my defeated moments. It comes and goes but I remind myself of what I have right now that I didn't have during my marriage. I've read a lot of divorce support sites and about the power of thinking positively. Trust me it works. I teach high school math and some days the thought of going through an emotional day with teenagers makes me want to take the day off, but then I realize that I don't have to dwell on the negative nor do my students deserve a half-present or non-existent teacher. I allow myself to have fun in class and laugh A LOT!
Ok, so this turned into more of a journal entry than a DB post, but what have y'all found since your divorce that you are thankful for?
One of the things I personally need to work on is finding the best in a situation so what better place to start than right in the middle of my divorce.
Here are some things that I have "gotten" since my husband announced on Oct. 20 that he needed to go to counseling because he had "issues" to work out and then announced he wanted a divorce on Nov.2:
1. I've lost almost 20 pounds. I know that this is a lot to lose in such a short amount of time, but it really has shown me how toxic our relationship was and how the "weight" of our bad marriage was affecting my health.
2. I've reconnected with family. I quit school and moved 800 miles away to be with my husband when we were newly engaged so my relationship with my family has been strained. Throw in the emotional aspect of Hurricane Katrina and the guilt I felt for not doing enough just added to our strained relationships. I swear in the last few weeks I have spent more time with family than I had in the last four years of my marriage. We have meaningful conversations and I finally feel like I'm part of their lives again.
3. I have hope for myself. It is a very scary thing for me to be on my own because I've never been single since I was a junior in high school. I had a year long relationship my senior year and in the spring of my first year of college I met my husband. I've always lived with my parents, a roommate or two and then my husband so getting my own apartment and having the silence of just myself seems nerve wracking. I am nervous/anxious about having to just be ME but I'm so excited because I can be selfish now. I don't have to put his needs ahead of or of equal weight as mine.
4. I'm learning how to deal with anger and frustration better. I used to slam doors. Now I take a minute to chew him out in my mind then take a walk (even if it's just around the house) and remind myself that I have the power to chose my response. I can decide whether to let his bologna get the better of me or I can rise above it.
5. I am learning to stand up for myself more.
6. I've reconnected with old friends. It's amazing the power of friendships especially friendships with those of similar faith. For the majority of my life, I was always forgotten. My dad left to be with his girlfriend and their new son and my dad hadn't contacted me since my 9th birthday. People I played youth sports with never recognized me after I was on their team. I had very few close friends. When I went away for college, I would come home and my family would be so involved in their activities that I spent the majority of my time at home in my room or on the computer. I just accepted that I wasn't memorable. But since all of my husband's recent choices have come to light, I have had words of encouragement from almost everyone I know. Sincere, heartfelt encouragement and support. I'm in such awe.
7. I still believe in love. Although I am in no way ready to date--I have more respect for myself and my husband and will be waiting until the divorce is finalized. I have hope for romance and those butterflies in your stomach. I have dreams of children in my future and a fulfilled life with someone who cares about me more than sports. I know there is someone who deserves me and I deserve to have in my life. This time I just won't let those "feelings" be my only guiding light.
I think I have come a long way in only one month, but I definitely have my defeated moments. It comes and goes but I remind myself of what I have right now that I didn't have during my marriage. I've read a lot of divorce support sites and about the power of thinking positively. Trust me it works. I teach high school math and some days the thought of going through an emotional day with teenagers makes me want to take the day off, but then I realize that I don't have to dwell on the negative nor do my students deserve a half-present or non-existent teacher. I allow myself to have fun in class and laugh A LOT!
Ok, so this turned into more of a journal entry than a DB post, but what have y'all found since your divorce that you are thankful for?
I personally think you are doing great in your healing and have taken all of the precautionary steps to ensure your commitment to healing!
Way to go! Great to hear! *hugs*
Welcome to DS and thank you for sharing!
Lynne
The Ex had a falling out years ago with my sisters husband. I sided with my Ex and kind of distanced myself from my family. Like you I have reconnected.
I have made new friends. The EX was always suspicious of any of my friends whether they were married or not. It was too much work to keep friends since I couldn't be the type of friend to anyone I would like to have.
I am debt free.
I am working on finishing my degree.
I have returned to church which has been an amazing (and easy) way to find peace.
I pray you continue to do well justnicole. I have had so many people stop me on the street and comment on how great I look. One lady told me she thought maybe I had a face lift when I told her I got divorced...she then said that explains a lot. (((HUGS)))
I am thankful for having aplace to go, the few friends that I have and reconnected with
I am thanful for my parents and brother, I have no other family here but they have been there every step of the way, from moving out to monetary help, to coming to attorney meetings because I felt so horrible, etc...
I am thankful for my job and the people that I am closed to there. It gives me something to do, a feeling of self worth and people to connect with.
I am thankful for this site and the "in-person" support group that I found (though I am so young I stick out like a sore thumb)