it does sound like she thought you kicked her out
even if thats not what you meant

She wants to take control of something, and she still has a lot of emotions she wants you to know about, hence the arguing, and the power play with the child.

This has my mind all messed up again. Do I re-iterate to her that she was not kicked out and that I was the one that was in love and it was the last thing I wanted? Through my recovery I think I can safely say she maybe loved what I did for her and gave her, but was not "in love" with me, and that there were warning signs all the way back to when we were engaged even.

Not until it can be reiterated in a calm manner. I don't think you'll be getting anything close to calm from her anytime soon. I think you are both stuck on semantics anyway. Laying fault isn't going to improve anything.

any possibility of marriage counselling?

The person who starts it all tends to feel guilty and will start re-writing history where they were wronged. It just happens that way.

She had refused counseling back a month ago.

wonder if she'd go now, even if its to split more amicably?

my exhusband and i went for a year before, and a half year after
it helped make things clear and gentle

I will bring it up. I really worry about our little girl. She heard part of the argument last night before I cut it off. When she woke up this morning she was sad, but she didn't want to talk. When I dropped her at daycare I hugged her goodbye I could see she had a tear on her cheek. Its wrecked me.

She's had alot of anxiety-depression issues and went off meds in order to be able to drink and party. I am sure she got a letter the other day confirming I finally got a lawyer to represent me and I wonder if it snapped her out of her mania and coming to some sort of realization that this is real life. She has also seen that I have changed some things around the house in the last days. Its no longer the same place she once knew as home.

sounds to me like she wants to be heard. I don't know if that makes sense.
If you two can take a look at the big picture, maybe you don't want it to end.
I am just talking from a different perspective.
If you find somewhere that you think you may still have some feelings for this woman, than try to work it out. IF you want to.
I just looking at it from my point of view, I want my relationship to still work and when he calls I try really hard to keep him on the line even if its to argue.
My SO and I are in a yo-yo relationship, but if we are through, than I have to accept that. But personally I don't want it to end. I love him yet.
Just a suggestion. I hope all works out for you two in the end.

probably the simplest way is to just deal with her formally without emotion. when a person leaves, let them leave, get a lawyer and stabilize the new life. they will drive you crazy with the back and forth emotional stuff only if you let them.

Its sure driving me crazy today. I was doing so well in recovery and moving on, not thinking about her much. I was so sure she was unhappy and had been so a long time, or forever, from doing a Relationship Inventory. I accepted it and have been rediscovering myself and my needs. Now she has me thinking about the marriage and feeling ill again.

I still love her. I used to love her alot more. And I realize more than ever how rough the relationship was for alot of it. I had always promised myself I would not be the one to give up, and she presumably did. She didn't want to try counseling. She wanted a quick divorce and filed in days from leaving.

I guess there's not much I can do except work through it. Do things that make me happy and chalk it up as a bad day.

It probably will come back and bite me but I sent her a short email just a bit ago, "I loved you very much and the last thing I wanted was for you to leave. But you left emotionally long before you left physically. It is what it is."

I just cannot see investing in someone who has to be on constant medication to function. Don't get me wrong, I have done this before, and no regret, but it's something I won't do again. Forget the medication, or make a unilateral decision to go off it, it's a whole other ball of wax.

i couldnt agree more D
and
your post just now L sounds very calm, clear and well thought out

hugs on the way