I've always wondered how they shut off their feelings so easily. I wish i could. It is hard to co-exist once everything comes to light. I'm in the same boat until he gets a place. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. It's like when you become an adult and lay all your childhood dreams and hopes to rest. No one tells you that your adult dreams won't come true either. What is the point of dreaming and hoping? You are not alone. I am sorry you are going through this.

I was the loyal one and tried everything to get her to talk. I even made rules because I was serious from the start about making it a real LTR.

I cried and wonder how she could sleep while I have been sleeping in my car. I feel like giving up on women. How can a woman just decide to not feel?!

I don't think you are in an abyss: I think you are accurately describing your experience and it took guts to post this. We are made to want to be in relationships/friendships/families so your thoughts are completely normal in my opinion! Have you been able to let him know how you are feeling? We do face pain in our lives and I hope you are able to express yours in this relationship. Hang in there!

Genuinelyaffectionate.... I can not shut off my feelings
And she should not do that to you! We are human and have god made feelings and the pure betrayal that’s has been put on me has almost killed me. I’m sorry you are hurting !

Cbgrace,,,,, I have told him calmly through tears and he is not phased... our children will suffer the most and I hate it... makes me feel like a Complete failure

Hi,
I am sorry to hear you are going thru this difficult time...it’s natural for it to hurt. I think that it will hurt more if we keep fooling oursleves hoping that things may workout somehow. It is not ideal to live in the same house but I understand the circumstances that force it. It is very difficult... I felt the same way when my ex completely gave up on us... she was indifferent and that kept hurting the wound.. hope you find your peace. Try to listen to utube motivational videos ... sometimes those would get me thru.

I’m at going through the same thing right now. We’re currently co-habitating and he’s acting as though everything is normal and fine. I’m trying to stay strong in front of our daughter but I get it hard. If you ever want to talk I am around. Support is everything

CBH - those were my exact SAME words!! I can’t MAKE you love me and I can’t MAKE YOU STAY. . . It’s been almost two months now and I am still lost. Have to keep up a brave face for the kids and play into the line that “ mommy and daddy just want to be friends “ when inside I am dying each day. It does get less painful. Haven’t brought myself to take off the ring yet. Just trying to find some light at the end that isn’t a train.

I’m just hurting al the time
I pray all of you are doing better. I need peace without understanding and it no where in sight

The day I left him he was showing some signs of being with ME. He put his arm around me while I was sleeping and said "I love you". We made love that morning (something that had been happening less and less), he got up and came over to me specifically to kiss me--something he used to do a lot. But when I got the phone bill and had to confront him with the evidence of his cheating it was like a wall came down between us. There was no emotion, no begging me to stay, or that he loved me (he kept saying he cared about me--that was the best I got). It was like--ok, go. I found myself trying to get something out of him--some sign that he was sorry, that he loved me, that he didn't want to end us, but....nothing. I would love to know if he regrets what he did--would love to know if he misses me or is hurting, but he's not going to tell me. I get the feeling he's hiding behind a protective shield--that there may well be something there, but he's keeping it hidden, rather than dealing with it. Dealing with it is healthier in the long run. I keep telling myself I will come out of this better and stronger in the end. He's just going to continue being this broken man he is. And he'll probably do the same thing to this woman (if he's not already).

I went thru a separation twice before I finally said I can't take this anymore. I moved out a couple days later only bc the weekend was coming and I had to work M-F. Our boys were 3 and 6 the first time we separated and then we got back together and less than a year later I couldn't handle it anymore. I was always the one who said "divorce isn't an option". I begged him to come back to me and told him I could be whatever he wanted me to be. That was the first time but later I realized that the pain I felt during that first separation was probably more bc the man I had married 10 years prior didn't want me anymore. He too was able to control his feelings in front of me but I later found out that he spent time at work in his truck crying. And when I was not at the house with him he cried. Believe me, your guy is hurting. Men are just different. They've been trained not to show emotion. My ex did the same thing and acted like nothing was wrong and like he wasn't effected by the divorce. My advice to you is to NOT LIVE TOGETHER. There is no winning in that. I lived with my ex for the first part of our first separation-the deal was I would find a place and live with him and my kids until then. Then we would have 50/50 joint legal custody of the kids. After a couple weeks I was up in the middle of the night and saw his phone light up. He was already on dating sites! Talk about painful. His computer history also showed he had been searching how to get rid of the imprint of his wedding ring on his finger! I was devastated at that time bc I still thought we were supposed to be together. It gets much easier. After we tried one last time to get it right, I ended it. He was neglectful of me and of the kids every night. He was controlling me every chance he could. Making the decision to end it forever was the best decision I ever made! Every interaction we have continues to remind me what an asshat he is and I am thankful I finally found enough courage to walk away. It gets easier. It gets better. You have to choose to move on. Since then I met someone who I have more chemistry with and who doesn't want to hurt me and control me. No, I don't think he is the next husband, but with help from my therapist and my friends I am OK with that right now. I have only been divorced for 7 months, so it's ok not to settle down with the next one that comes along. But I didn't used to think this way. I thought he would be the next man I'd marry. But then I got to know him better after about 3 months. It's long distance and I haven't seen him in 2 months and it's probably not going to last much longer, but I will be OK because now I know that no matter if he loves me or if my ex loved me-the important thing is that you will eventually be OK. Talk to some other divorced people-there are so many of us!

And yes you do have to say goodbye to those hopes and dreams and thoughts that you had where you knew you had an everlasting love. But it is possible! You can make new dreams come true. I promise. I am going thru it right now too!