Who cares why he does it - its a reflection on him, not you. You don't need to be around his friends and family anyway - even if you have kids.

Just continue going about your life. That takes enough energy. The rest will take care of itself.

xoxo

He is playing the victim because he will not take any blame for his failure in what you have gone through. You are trying to handle things emotionally the right way and he is not. My stbx is doing the same exact things and was doing so before we even really started having problems. It is hard that they do that but it is to make them look and feel better and that is what is more important to them.

He's looking for sympathy and anyway for you to take the brunt of this. Rise above and don't spend too much energy trying to figure the why's of it all out. Let him sit in his own shit by himself. (((hugs)))

Mine does the same thing. I don't really care. Just makes him look like the whiny ass he is.

Sounds like my ex... she felt by dragging me down to her level by running me down and trying to ruin my reputation it would put her "above me". I always put her on a pedestal when we were married and she would ultimately kick me in the head so I stopped doing it. Go figure.

I think people tend to villify because there's a certain amount of ownership they aren't willing to take for themselves. He is worried about how others' think of him, so the best way to "look" like the good guy is to make sure he says what a mess you are.

It really only shows how petty and immature he is.

Like, with my X. If his Mom/friends thought I was a jackass...ok, to each his own. I'm pretty good at "agreeing to disagree" and accepting that, hell, you may just not like me. I have plenty of people who do, so I don't concern myself too much with those who don't.

I hope his actions help to reaffirm that it's good you two are no longer together.

My ex did this as well. For him, he was using the "my wife is crazy" defense to justify his cheating. When I refused to play his games and didn't respond, it was difficult for him to maintain the "my wife is crazy" mantra---my actions proved that he was full of bullshit. He also counted on people being really dumb and figuring that the new woman in his life was simply a friend--such an idiot.

They do this to deflect their guilt and hope you will respond so they can say, "See, I was right to end the marriage."

Whatever you do, don't engage. Take the high road. People will him for who he really is.

Sending hugs!!

If it makes you feel any better, know that most people probably don't believe him, and think he's being whiny and deflecting. At least, that's what I believe whenever anyone tells me how their ex is so crazy and was so mean etc. etc. while acting like they were a saint in the marriage.