Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Why do we relapse?

Tesinato
Tesinato
Has anyone found a good reason as to why we as humans relapse? I'm struggling tonight, for what reason I'm not sure of yet, but none the less, I relapsed. I made contact, got myself hurt again, and have cried for about 2 hours. I took a nap this evening, due to my MG suddenly flaring up, and woke up an hour later in a very emotional state. I was very happy this afternoon, and had a friend over and we played games and enjoyed each other's company. Yet, I woke up, and it was like the 3 months never happened, and I was back on May 12th. So why do we do this to ourselves, or rather why did I suddenly do a 180 on my recovery?

I almost feel like I'm lying to myself that this is going to get better. I honestly feel like I'm lying about it all to myself. Maybe I'm really just not happy, but I keep telling myself that I am. I know right now my mind is clouded with depression and sadness, and I hope that these types of thoughts go away, but I do offer this theory up. How do we really know we are happy? I laugh and smile, I sense that I'm enjoying myself, but am I happy? Do we trick ourselves into believing we are happy? I'm tired, and these questions are haunting me at the moment, so maybe putting them out here will make them stop.

I just want to say that I'm really sorry for messaging about this again. I think I did a month or so ago, and I have really been following everyone's advice. I don't know what it is with me, but I just can't seem to get it. I have no self-control it seems, and when my emotions get all worked up, I find that I don't have the control to listen. So I am very sorry for not listening, and sorry that I'm struggling so much.
deleted_user
deleted_user
..and you can use this ordeal as a 'springboard' the next time you feel the urge to make contact. You'll remember what you went through the last time you made contact, and you won't do it. You realize that it isn't worth the emotional fallout that will come later. Sorry for your pain.
luvmygirl4
luvmygirl4
Relapses happen. Sometimes there are triggers which you can figure out and try to avoid. A big one of mine is fatigue. My counseler explained it with the acronym HALT: hungry, angry, lonley, tired.
Meg08
Meg08
I can relate to this! And I am glad you posted this. It has been 8 months since my break up. I went a few month being happy for the most part and being somewhat excited to start my journey single. But then all the sudden it was like I was going through the break up all over again. I realized no one I had met compared to him and that something in my life was missing.... and it was my ex. Tried to reach out and didn't get much of a response. Left me very confused. Still haven't returned to my "happy place" and I am struggling everyday to find some sort of happiness without him. Im sorry I can't give you any answers, but just know you are not alone.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am right there with you now! I now for me the trigger is when we have to deal with this divorce stuff. Nothing has been happening for 5 months now, and I've had to push to get something moving. And now finally it is. Just brings a lot of memories flooding back. Going to therapy tonight. I really hate it when I cry all through it, but I'm sure that's what will happen tonight. Ugh! The good thing is I now it won't last forever, and that most likely I'll feel a little better tomorrow. There's always tomorrow! Hang in there.
Tesinato
Tesinato
It is good and bad to know that I'm not alone in this struggle. Good that it is somewhat normal, and that you guys have experienced it too. But bad because you are feeling like I do, and I want nothing more then for you guys and I to be happy again.

It is clear she has moved on, and wants no part of me, so I keep asking myself why I even bother, or attempt to mend a fence that is destroyed. The fence will never be made whole again, as it is shattered into a million pieces. I guess this is what frustrates me so much though.

In my head, I know that no contact is good, I know I don't love her, want to be with her, fix it, or even be friends with her anymore. I loathe and despise her for all the pain and hurt she has caused me. And yet, my heart, as fragile as it can be, still longs for her, as if we are still intertwined or something. I wish my heart would catch up to my head, so that we could both be on the same page, but I sense it takes years to mend a broken heart, no matter how logical you are, or how aware that what you are doing is destructive.

I understand that in time it will be better and easier. I have so much else on my plate as well, and I just wish this burden could fade away, so that I can focus on my health issues without being emotional as well.
new2free
new2free
3 months is really very little time in the big scheme of things, and I think you must acknowledge to yourself that you have actually been doing really well to be where you are.
It is perfectly normal to have these mood swings. They can even happen a year or more later, and catch you right out of the blue. It is all part of the grieving, healing process.
I have been divorced for a year and separated for 2, and just the other day I had a total melt down, not because I miss my ex at all, but because I was so sad that I am alone at this time of my life. This is not what I had invisaged for my life.
So you see it can happen to all of us at unexpected times.
Tesinato
Tesinato
Yea, I can see that. It just really sucks, doesn't it? I have acknowledged to myself that I am doing well for where I'm sitting right now, but I guess it just overwhelms me. I know I'm not anywhere near healed yet either, but I guess I just wish I could break down and not make contact like I did. I keep going out of my way to hurt myself and I don't understand why yet. I don't want to hurt myself anymore, and yet I still do.
namaste02
namaste02
I think relapse is a part of recovery....sometimes we have to go back to get the strength to ever move forward. It often leads to enough is enough..taking our power back. I don't mean that Ina bitter and jaded way..or with the thought of anger....but it drives you forward to get back up on your feet.
Tesinato
Tesinato
I understand what you mean namaste. I have gotten tired of beating myself up so I'm standing up and saying I'm done with it. I did it a month ago, and I'm mustering the courage and strength to do it again. I got a doctor's appointment in 3 days, and I need to be clear headed and focused if I'm to get the help I need with my MG. :)