Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Has anyone found a good reason as to why we as humans relapse? I'm struggling tonight, for what reason I'm not sure of yet, but none the less, I relapsed. I made contact, got myself hurt again, and have cried for about 2 hours. I took a nap this evening, due to my MG suddenly flaring up, and woke up an hour later in a very emotional state. I was very happy this afternoon, and had a friend over and we played games and enjoyed each other's company. Yet, I woke up, and it was like the 3 months never happened, and I was back on May 12th. So why do we do this to ourselves, or rather why did I suddenly do a 180 on my recovery?
I almost feel like I'm lying to myself that this is going to get better. I honestly feel like I'm lying about it all to myself. Maybe I'm really just not happy, but I keep telling myself that I am. I know right now my mind is clouded with depression and sadness, and I hope that these types of thoughts go away, but I do offer this theory up. How do we really know we are happy? I laugh and smile, I sense that I'm enjoying myself, but am I happy? Do we trick ourselves into believing we are happy? I'm tired, and these questions are haunting me at the moment, so maybe putting them out here will make them stop.
I just want to say that I'm really sorry for messaging about this again. I think I did a month or so ago, and I have really been following everyone's advice. I don't know what it is with me, but I just can't seem to get it. I have no self-control it seems, and when my emotions get all worked up, I find that I don't have the control to listen. So I am very sorry for not listening, and sorry that I'm struggling so much.
I almost feel like I'm lying to myself that this is going to get better. I honestly feel like I'm lying about it all to myself. Maybe I'm really just not happy, but I keep telling myself that I am. I know right now my mind is clouded with depression and sadness, and I hope that these types of thoughts go away, but I do offer this theory up. How do we really know we are happy? I laugh and smile, I sense that I'm enjoying myself, but am I happy? Do we trick ourselves into believing we are happy? I'm tired, and these questions are haunting me at the moment, so maybe putting them out here will make them stop.
I just want to say that I'm really sorry for messaging about this again. I think I did a month or so ago, and I have really been following everyone's advice. I don't know what it is with me, but I just can't seem to get it. I have no self-control it seems, and when my emotions get all worked up, I find that I don't have the control to listen. So I am very sorry for not listening, and sorry that I'm struggling so much.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm more aware of it now and can see the signs. So I go easy on myself and remind myself it's a temporary feeling. And I allow myself to grieve again if I need to. The pain of losing a relationship that was so meaningful to me can still be overwhelming. But I'm also a very sentimental and emotional person by nature, so it's just part of who I am.
Don't beat yourself up.
a mind and heart needs and hungers for some sort of balance
but later
you'll find joy
which is different than laughter
or pleasure
or hope even
but something that runs through your veins, and maybe not all the time
but if anything a gladness that youre not in pain anymore
at least thats what happened for me
I laughed a lot during my grief and anger
in spite of myself
but now, I'm just so damn glad most of the time
hang in there T
a mind and heart needs and hungers for some sort of balance
but later
you'll find joy
which is different than laughter
or pleasure
or hope even
but something that runs through your veins, and maybe not all the time
but if anything a gladness that youre not in pain anymore"
What a beautiful thought...
I also hope it gets better for you and I am sure it will.. Visiting that place myself today .. Hang in there man
Three months is NOTHING in the journey of heartbreak. I am only two months in, and I'm barely surviving and rarely get out of bed.
But I had another breakup, not as horrible as this, where by three months I was still very, very raw and in pain. If you are already having breaks from the pain, you are starting to heal. But three months really isn't enough. I don't know how long you were in the relationship, but it took me the last time a solid 6 to be over the worst of a three year relationship with a guy I realized was not at all good for me.
This time will be much harder as I adored my husband and would do anything to go back in time and make it work.
Hang in there...
Steph
I am 1.5 years postdivorce, 2.5 post separation, and every so often, I think about it. Recently, I found out my X has a girlfriend, and it made me ask questions to myself like, "Does she know he's a cheater?" or "Does she realize he's a terrible father to his daughter in NY or that his family is kinda crazy?" Then I felt myself get angry, like how dare he take 12 years of my life and his BS, and now someone gets the "good" stuff?
Mine doesn't come from a place of missing him or longing...I can sincerely say he is a wonderful X husband and I would never entertain marrying him again, but it was a "shock" (for lack of a better word, to go back to a place where I even thought about him, with any kind of emotion, for more than 5 minutes.
Three months in, you're new....it's new...it will take time to process. The good thing is, it WILL get better....hang in there.
I guess I just didn't realize that you could do a complete 180. When I'm not like this, the thought of getting back with her, or even being friends repulses me. After all she has done to me, I'd be a complete idiot to do that. But yet, that thought process doesn't mean anything when I get emotional. It just seems so bizarre I guess.
I think that I am happy, when I notice that I am not so negative about things. Take it one step at a time. Some days may be baby steps with frequent falls and other days may be leaps and bounds.
And I am nearly 5 years post divorce... but mine I think is due to the continuous lack of follow through with Ex and his unreasonable demands
I went through a lot of moods...I was woken up way before I needed to be.. I was grouchy... Then I was able to get some things done. I felt great. On our way to church tonight, my son asked what were some of the funny/ nice things his dad did when were were married... He only knows us fighting
I couldn't think of anything really, anytime I can think of a good memory in that period, he was not present.
I cried through the entire Mass... I prayed. I did think of one thing at last though and told my son about it.
I feel sad at the moment.
I think you are right, when you have less negative feelings, you feel happier, but I certainly hate when the negativity creeps up.
Hugs to Tesinato
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling too Nancy. I can imagine having to associate with him due to your son must be hard, as you can't go without contact. I'm sorry that he lets you down so much, sadly sometimes people can be jerks. I can only imagine what it must be like to have a child in this, and for him to be asking such questions. I will keep you in my thoughts, and I hope you feel better soon.