Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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JenDavidson 01/28/2009

OK, so please tell me if I'm stupid, or if I needed to find out...I'll explain:

I just went online and viewed our (well now HIS) Verizon bill. I went to the days following my leaving him and see that he has contacted this girl he knew back in high school and they've talked several times, 56 minutes or so at a time. This is the chick he was trying to hook up with right before we got back together last time. This makes me furious.....I hate this feeling...and my DUMBASS just filed his taxes for him this morning (by his sister's request)...we have not talked at all since I left him on January 19. I wish I wouldn't have filed them for him. I left him a text msg telling him that I just cancelled his filing and to figure it out himself (which was not true)...and told him I found out shit and he makes me sick and he is now dead to me...he never responded, but managed to call his sister and cuss her out because he thought she is the one who told me. What a mess. I'm sick....literally ill from this. Should I have just left it alone>??

deleted_user 01/28/2009

From what I was able to see on your profile looks like you want to move on. Move on and don't bother confronting him. Only hurting yourself in the end and there is no point in it.

deleted_user 01/28/2009

I don't mean to come accross harsh....I thought this was coming from a teen. I see that you are mature enough. Again, that sounds harsh but I was truly confused.

1. Mind your business about the Verizon bill. You are no longer in his life and this will just cause you needless pain and frustration.

2. If he was chasing her before, then, why give him a chance to repeat his vice? He is a cheater.

3. Why would HIS sister ask YOU to do his taxes? Is he a child? Does he know how to read and write? If he can stick it in others, he can do his taxes.

Wow...again, I sound harsh but it just rubbed me the wrong way. You are young, beautiful and have taken the step to move forward, why perpetuate the stupid when you are leaving it behind? KEEP GOING! KEEP MARCHING....STOP THE CHILDISH BULLSHIT...he is an idiot and let HIS sister do his taxes next time.

Other than that, I do hope you find strength and clarity.

deleted_user 01/28/2009

Wow! Jaken is hawt!

I'm with her too on not being able to throw a stone. I'm a little remedial in the whole 'don't look at the verizon bill' department.

Be kind to yourself and gently pry your fingers off the past when you can. Acceptance and kindness, aimed at yourself.

here does this help? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6FPsRk-HHE

Jenna7873 01/28/2009

I'm sorry your hurting and angry and frustrated (with yourself!) and all the other emotions that go along with finding things like that out.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

What I learned for myself was sometimes you just have to take things at face value and let them be and focus on YOU instead. When you go digging for more info like that, you're BOUND to find it and 9 times out of 10 (and that's a conservative estimate) what you will find is only going to hurt YOU.

so, don't allow YOU to hurt YOU again! :-) *hugs*

deleted_user 01/28/2009

What makes us hurt makes us grow stronger.

deleted_user 01/28/2009

Wow I could have wrote this thread, except for the taxes thing or the sister thing. I found the exact same with mine even down to him hooking up with an old HS flame. Course to me it helped explain a lot. I am glad I found out and in all honesty I wish I had found out sooner. He had started a new life with her before I even new anything was wrong. I didn't understand his behavior before this but once I found out it all made complete and perfect sense. Did it hurt, oh heck yeah but I think it hurt more that I was played a fool and now I know the true him and what all he was really capable of. (((((((((hugs)))))))). Oh and I did the text thing too and just let him know I found his secret and that when I sent him the separation papers.

deleted_user 01/28/2009

I don't think there has been anyone that has gone into the other person's stuff and not found something to be angry about. However, did you leave him because he was cheating on you? Did you think he was cheating on you before you left? Because if cheating while you were living together was an issue, then I would say now you know that he didn't start contacting her until after you left. But YOU left. If he starts calling someone after you left, then you really don't have a right to be mad at him. I know it's hard that he so quickly started pursuing someone else, but given his history, you shouldn't be surprised.

Stop looking. It will only make you angry and keep you from moving forward.

I am confused about the taxes only because you say you left him on January 19th. This is your husband right? Because if so, they are your taxes too right?

I feel like there is information missing from your post because I have too many questions before I can really answer.

deleted_user 01/28/2009

Hey Jen, I know I did the same thing, looking at his cellphone bill. You are just curious and want to know, I think that is only natural.

Good Luck to you.....

JenDavidson 01/28/2009

ouch.... I know I did wrong by looking at the bill. I knew even as I was looking at it that I was only hurting myself. I guess I just couldn't resist the temptation and I know next time to just LEAVE IT ALONE. I left him because he said he didn't love me anymore and wanted me out of his life (and he said it in an awful hurtful horrible way). I will move on and I will survive...somehow. Thanks for your replies everyone...they hurt me, but helped too.

deleted_user 01/28/2009

If you told him he's dead to you, why are you surprised he hasn't responded to you?

deleted_user 01/28/2009

I have an idea how you feel.

I still have access to soem of the ways I used to discover what my wife had been up to.

Now she is out of the house, and the divorce ball is rolling, but I still torture myself by looking at things I shouldn't.

I have to stop now. So should you.
Sever ties, move on completely.

JenDavidson 01/28/2009

I'm not surprised... He didn't pay much attention to me when I was there...so why start now, right?

deleted_user 01/28/2009

We shouldn't give them the satisfaction of thinking that we still base our lives on their movements.

To hell with them.

I want to stop fixating on the woman that did me wrong and focus on myself.
She isn't worth the energy anymore.

JenDavidson 01/28/2009

You are sooo right because right away after I did that and he knew I was upset about him...I regretted it because then he knows I am still hurting over him. I don't want ever give him that satisfaction again...

deleted_user 01/28/2009

((Jen)) You can't change what is already done, and you can't not look at his Verizon bill now that you have, but you can step away from this, maybe explain to his sister if you intend to maintain a relationship with her, if not, just leave the whole thing in the past where it belongs. Good Luck!

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