Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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rbsingle1959 09/13/2011

Ok here is a good one. Why can't men just be honest when they want a relationship to come to an end? Why do they have to lie. Please don't say its because they dont want to hurt us because if that was the case they wouldn't do what they do to begin with. The excuses they can come up with is unbelievable. If they want out of marriage or a relationship why cant they be honest and sit down like grown men and say "It's just not going to work, or "I just don't love you" or "there is someone else?" Mine lied and said he had Hepatitis C and was contagious and needed to leave immediately as to not contaminate the family. That was a lie. I met my lawyer who stated another man told his wife he needed to end the marriage because he was gay. That was a lie too. Turns out he was with another woman whom he married and had kids with. Any comments?

deleted_user 09/13/2011

guys aren't the only ones. my stbx told me she just wnated to be by herself, found out later she was already screwing someone else and moved in with him.

deleted_user 09/13/2011

Because people dont want to face reality.

playerapr 09/13/2011

In my case, I think my stbx didnt want to be the "bad guy" in the story. If he asked for a divorce he was going to be the one destroying the family - now since it was me the one that got tired of fighting for a lost cause and eventually finally cave in - I'm the one that "wanted" it like he told me the other day - he just told me "You are the one that wanted this" (divorce)

Lstecker 09/13/2011

I think it's both genders and ...

...no one wants to be the bad guy.

(and I do agree with you. If they want out, then get out. No need to make the situation worse.)

L~

deleted_user 09/13/2011

well, my now exhusband lied to me as well. but its not one sided. women lie too. why does anyone lie? to protect themselves, to not have to face whats inside of themselves, and mainly lack of self esteem.

so he probably doesnt think very highly of himself. no shock there.

after everything my ex and i had already been thru together - yes - honesty would have been a nice gesture - but it would not have lessened the blow. it still hurts just as bad. in my case anyway.

xoxo

deleted_user 09/13/2011

@ lonelyheart1972 you are right there

deleted_user 09/13/2011

I think that would not apply to all..,I say that many people out there lie to get out on a relationship. But still,many people give true and excusable reasons to end a relationship...

Karenhopeful 09/13/2011

I you cannot be truthful with yourself, you cannot be truthful with others.

deleted_user 09/13/2011

Karen said it all:
"I you cannot be truthful with yourself, you cannot be truthful with others."

And yes--this applies to both sexes.

deleted_user 09/14/2011

He was gay.Now thats going a bit to over the edge.

patti22 09/14/2011

I think that sometimes it's because they aren't sure what they want to do. So they'll hold onto us as Plan B.

terrondt 09/14/2011

its not just men that does this. lets get that ironed out right away. my wife was not honest most of our marriage anyway. so females do it too!

rbsingle1959 09/14/2011

ok to all of you out there. There were really some good answers to this discussion. To the men who responded: (sorry) you are right. Women do it too. However, since I am a woman and lied to I was kinda asking the women out there what they thought but hey you guys are right. Women do it too. Thanks

JessiQ 09/14/2011

I'm in the process of divorcing a narcissist, so NOTHING could ever possibly be his fault. When all of his lies were exposed, he tried his best to make it MY fault that he got another woman pregnant. Yup, that makes sense!

I think some of this was done to keep me in the dark so that I would still be there if things with the OW didn't work out. But ultimately, all of the lies were only to feed his ego and keep him from looking like the dirtbag that he is.

rbsingle1959 09/15/2011

You are right. I personally think that when they lie they are more concerned about their so called image then the fact of hurting us. I remember him telling me "I didn't mean to hurt anybody" and also "Twenty something yrs married is alot and you just don't forget those yrs just like that" What a jerk. He certainly forgot all about those years when he chose to have the affair. They say the most stupid things. They are not concerned about hurting us they are concerned about what others will think about them when they find out.

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