Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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HeaveToo 06/19/2008

My biggest passion in life is to sail. I have a boat that I have cruised all over the Chesapeake Bay and it has been a major part of my life since I was a child. I have always dreamed of spending time cruising my boat and I plan to make a run to the Caribean when I retire (at age 50).

My wife got to the point that she didn't like going out on the boat. She didn't hate that I had it and I think that she liked the fact I would spend time on it (I was away from her). I never went there to get away from her but I went there to get peace (my work can be hell as I am a Police Officer and I see some bad stuff).

I have been forced by my Doctor to take some time off (my blood pressure is really high from all that is going on and I had my first heart attack at age 28). I am debating on taking a short cruise, for a few days, but I am afraid to do it. I am afraid to be alone on the boat for a while by myself because I am worried about being alone in my thoughts. I don't have anyone around that I can cruise with.

Does this seem wierd to anyone?

I know that once I heal I will have to find someone who would enjoy the cruising because I would love to find a woman who would cruise with me and want to go with me to the Caribean.

hurtinandhealin2560 06/19/2008

Hey Heaveto,

I understand the fear of doing what you enjoy. I loved reading and stopped for several weeks, in part because the stbx used this as one of the reasons for the marriage ending (yeah, no shit. Like his GIRLFRIEND had nothing to do with it). He said I always had my nose in a book (not true, always had my head up his ass 24/7). Long story short, I'm finding my passions again.

Go out on the boat. If it gets too lonely, talk to us or simply turn around and come home. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

deleted_user 06/19/2008

At the beginning I was afraid to go anywhere. Everything gave me a panic attack except work and home. It has gradually gotten a little better. I think there was some comfort when I knew I was a part of a couple and then when I was not I felt scared.
I remember one of my patients telling me, "one is a whole number", it is something I have to remind myself of constantly.

deleted_user 06/19/2008

Can you take a dog or maybe get a soccer ball and name it Wilson?

I think if you have the opportunity to go, you should go. You only live once, you cant not go because of what ifs. You may get out of the ocean and not want to come home to normal life.

My thoughts are if MONEY and TIME are not keeping you from going then GO.

Go relax, lower your blood pressure, take a journal and write things down.

deleted_user 06/19/2008

Trust your intuition, find an adventurous soul.

Heres an old sea shantie for ya...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_7iiEPzP-s&feature=related

deleted_user 06/20/2008

It sounds like heaven to me too. I understand the fear you have of being alone with your thoughts, but it sounds like sailing is something you love and brings you peace. It could help put you in a better place spirit-wise. You could always turn back if you find that the aloneness is too much.

And yes, now you can fly your flag and do whatever you want that your stbx didn't like. There are some benefits to the situation. Me, I get to sleep without being constantly woken by snoring!

deleted_user 06/20/2008

Learning to be alone with myself was one of the most difficult things about this. The truth is I was alone most of the time even when my stbx was still with us. But just knowing that he wasn't coming home anymore made things different. I have come to embrace my alone time. I still feel sad sometimes, but it gets better with time. I totally understand your dilemma. Wish I could go sailing with you!

deleted_user 06/20/2008

"THe truth is I was alone most of the time even when my stbx was still with us. But just knowing that he wasn't coming home anymore made things different."

This is true for me, and many others on here I'm sure. We'll recover sooner, I think, because we have our own inner resources to draw from that we had to rely on when the stbx was never around.

deleted_user 06/20/2008

I hate to be alone too. I think that we are sensitive because of having been rejected. But you just have to do it. It gets easier as you do it more.

To keep yourself from calling her, stick notes all over DO NOT CALL. Or some other inspirational quotes that will help you stay focused. Call your friends, call your family, scream into the wind...just don't call. You will be glad when you made it through successful. It will empower you.

Dang I wish I were closer I love to sail and would go!

deleted_user 06/20/2008

This is a song they sing at the closing of all Renaissance Faires. (yeah ok I'm a nerd like that) But it is an old Irish Sailor song. Thought you might enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hB_cv6s8fA

deleted_user 06/20/2008

Heave Too ,you have to do what you love and should love what you do.Thers's an old Navy saying that I would see on a plaque everyday .
(The only easy day was yesterday)maybe you've heard it.
Do what you love man.Do it every chance you can .We have to hold on to the good things in our lives or be overrun by the bad.
As for the thoughts? Doing what you love to do should help put those in perspective.I have my bike ,you have your boat.
I ride the hell out of that bike lately !!

deleted_user 06/20/2008

One of the biggest challenges of the healing process is to be able to function and remain strong alone. I think everyone on here will tell you that it can be difficult. Life is full of opportunities that make us stronger. It sounds like you have a great one staring at you. Give yourself a plan tell your partner, friend or family member what your doing that way you have someone to share your adventure with when you return. I wasn't much of journal person, it has helped incredibly to get those thoughts purged. Look at it as 100 hour challenge. Each hour you get closer to your goal. Go and live life your deserve it. Catch some fish for me. :)

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