Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Just found this forum. What a life saver. I'll try to make this short.
Married 15 years, stood by him thru alcoholism, porn addiction, unemployment, and bipolar disorder. He was emotionally absent from much of our marriage, alienated most all of our friends, my family - well you get the picture. but I stuck with him, I took my vows seriously. I stood by him above all else.
Then he got a new job and I found out he was cheating with a girl he worked with. I kicked him out, divorced him, only to allow him to convince me he wanted me and only me and I let him back in to my heart. We have been back together for two months and then all of a sudden he stops calling. I finally get him to tell me what is going on. He says he keeps dreaming about "her", but he doesn't know why, he loves me not her and he's just so broken up about it and doesn't know what to do.
I know I should tell him to take a hike, go away and never call me again. But I feel so hurt, so jealous that this woman is still interfering in my life. Why can't I tell him to kick off? Why do I still feel like I love him. I am so lost, I don't know how to face another day. I could use some of the great advice I see on this site to get me thru the night. I am falling apart.
Married 15 years, stood by him thru alcoholism, porn addiction, unemployment, and bipolar disorder. He was emotionally absent from much of our marriage, alienated most all of our friends, my family - well you get the picture. but I stuck with him, I took my vows seriously. I stood by him above all else.
Then he got a new job and I found out he was cheating with a girl he worked with. I kicked him out, divorced him, only to allow him to convince me he wanted me and only me and I let him back in to my heart. We have been back together for two months and then all of a sudden he stops calling. I finally get him to tell me what is going on. He says he keeps dreaming about "her", but he doesn't know why, he loves me not her and he's just so broken up about it and doesn't know what to do.
I know I should tell him to take a hike, go away and never call me again. But I feel so hurt, so jealous that this woman is still interfering in my life. Why can't I tell him to kick off? Why do I still feel like I love him. I am so lost, I don't know how to face another day. I could use some of the great advice I see on this site to get me thru the night. I am falling apart.
My "recovery" story really started about 8 or so years ago when I finally admitted to myself that I was the only one involved in the relationship. It's almost like after we had kids (I waited 10 years), I stopped being anything to him. He ignored me, would dismiss me if I said something he didn't want to hear, devalued everything I said, all kinds of slights. He would promise anything and deliver nothing. It's emotional abuse to do this to someone you're in an intimate relationship with. Didn't know that at the time, just knew the marriage was inbalanced. Gave him excuse after excuse - well, he's tired after work, well, it's golf and he loves watching golf. Whatever.
2 years ago I started detatching - really to save my spirit and mind. I told myself when I would start to sit near him that no, he's busy watching tv, he doesn't want to talk to me now. It was like a mantra. It was like I talked myself out of caring for him. Having done that, it's easier to care less for him. He still plays the poor little me, trying to coax the codependent/giver out of me. I still need reminding to stop helping him. My behavior sounds stupid to me, but I know how helpless he is. I didn't create his helplessness (his mom is the same way) but I fed it nurtured it and helped it grow, all in the name of love.
So, I really do think understanding why you do what you do will help you to heal. The pain is real and it will take a lot of self-discovery and self care for you to start feeling better. This is something you can't rush. I think you have to feel the pain to be able to come out the other side.
Try to focus on something new and fun and time consuming. Adopt a pet, babysit the nieces/nephews every Thursday, grow a garden. I took up jogging and have some pretty fine legs to show for it.
Hang in there!! You are NOT alone!
So why does it make me crazy that he still wants to be with the woman that he cheated with. Shouldn't I be happy he will be torturing her now instead of me? Why am I jealous? Why is he torturing me by keeping me on the line too. As much as I can't let go , why can't he at least. The problem is he keeps drawing me back in on purpose and I keep falling for it. I'm such a fool.
When things might fail with her or
Just to keep you around.
Let him go and keep him gone, this
Will never end good for you or your
Any sort of Healing, seek help.
There is a abuse forum here too
They are great.
Hugs
Mirandac
I have been apart from my ex for 6 months. ANY contact in ANY form sends me into a terrible backslide. When people say no contact is best, it really is true. It doesn't mean things are easy, but it helps dampen part of the flame.
I'm sorry you are going through this. He's probably not going to willingly set you free, you are going to have to do that for yourself even though you think you don't want to right now.
You still love him because you just haven't had enough. Idk who or what can make it stop.
I just know that one day I woke up and that feeling was gone, just days after I moved out.
I just kept telling myself that I was in love with someone he was not and his promises weren't real and that he really didn't love me.
I hope you move on from this. Hugs