I was very young and naive in the beginning of our relationship, that I overlooked alot of warning signs and communicated less in the beginning of who I was and what I wanted in life. In the end, I wasn't so young and naive and had grown so much as a person. Anyone around me including my husband (if he had choosen to listen) knew who I was and what I wanted in life. He actually would have known more than anyone around me, because I told him more about the intimate details no one has ever known. He, again, chose not to listen.

We did not have the kind of friendship nor respect that makes a marriage a success.

If I had known she was going to be so passive-aggressive; so tied to her family of origin; so unforgiving; so constantly anxious; so unaffectionate; so non-communicative and so selfish, I would never have married or had children with the woman. I was completely blinded by my need to be a father. In retrospect, I still can't really decide what it was, if anything, I fell in love with. She was, and continues to be a source of frustration, disappointment and anger for me.

Me? I'm perfect, NOT. I was moody, insecure, constantly horny, argumentative, controlling, full of anger, pouty/sulky, and selfish, and at times inconsiderate.

I believe we had one thing in commom other than children; that was our uncanny ability to bring out the very worst in eachother.

We both conspired to perpetuate those things the ruin a marriage...it just wasn't in the cards; we were not suited...emotionally, psychologically, physically (eh, a little), developmentally, enough to make it work.

I lost myself along the way too. Toward the end of the relationship I was more than happy to be his beck and call girl, I'd do anything to make him happy, even change who I was. That is eventually what shattered my self esteem, I think.

It's only now that I realize how much of my idenity I gave up to please a man who probably never really knew or cared for the real ME.

In retrospect, I should have got the hell out of dodge once I started putting his feelings before my own. I don't know how many times he told me I was too emotional, or too worrysome, or too this/that. Slowly I felt myself changing hoping he'd be happier with the me I thought he wanted me to be.

I'm having a hard time remebering who I am. It is definately a journey back "home".

i know that i was upfront and honest about who i am, and who i'm not. i don't believe in hiding even not so good traits...they will come out at some point.

my ex - for the most part, i believe he was fairly honest. the things he wasn't honest about tho, are deep things within him. his fear of being alone (which was why he stayed with me he says). his issues with being adopted (another reason he stayed) his need for someone to come home too. his inability to make a decision and stick with it. his inability to tell others to butt out and stick with it.

all communication issues in my opinion.

if he had had the ability to sit down and honestly talk to me - alot of the bad things would not have happened. i would have still been hurt, i'm sure. i would still be angry, i'm sure.

but i wouldn't feel as tho the 4 years we were together were all lies.

and that hurts the worst i think.

I am in the same boat as a lot of people here in that I started to lose myself in my marriage. It wasn't until the last one and half to two years that this happened though. I, too, was naive and got married without putting a lot of thought into it ... but once I committed, I was in it for the long haul. I believe I did accept my (now ex) wife for who she was. I didn't stay married to her for her looks, money, the sex, or anything like that. I loved HER and wanted to be with HER. She didn't love ME or want to be with ME. That fundamental difference led to communication breakdown and eventually divorce.

I have since been able to reclaim the person I have been before we got married and for the majority of our marriage ... and I feel good about myself! I am more mature now and more set in my ways ... so the likelyhood of a dramatic change is not high. I can now effectively communicate who I am, what I want, what I don't want, and where I want to be in my future. Hopefully, I will be able to find someone that shares those convictions and will share their 'true selves' with me early in the relationship so I don't have to play all the head games. I'm too old for that crap!

definetly #1 on my list of relationship breakdown!