I think I allowed myself to let go of certain things that I really liked in life. I thought at the time that I was choosing my husband over trivial things, but the more time past, the more I grew to resent the things he did and the things I wasn't "allowed" to do.

I know now that I will never give anything up for anyone again. This is me, and if you want to love me, then you have to love ALL of me!

That was my downfall, he didn't know who I really was. But, then again, I didn't want him to. I got married for the wrong reasons, but do agree that is probably one of the biggest factors in the breakdown of any relationship.

Yeah, I didn't really know who he was. I thought he was everything he wasn't.
But it's not like he was going to tell me he has been a lifetime abuser, pathological liar, and a cheat.

The man rarely talks, and if he does, it's lies.
I always wanted better communication, but he was always afraid he'd "say the wrong thing". Now I know what that means.

I think that lack of communication led to my marriage failing. I was never able to talk to him, he never heard what I was trying to say and the way I said things was not right. I wish that I would have let him know who I really was. I wish I had been able to communicate with him the way I should have.

Yeah, I guess I can say that he didn't fully accept me for who I am. Of course if you ask him he's a saint who put up with me. There was definately a communication breakdown.

Yes that happened to us but he tried to change me and I started to withdraw because I was the same person. He was the one who changed he is not the same person.

I was 100% myself the very first date-and lost a little bit of that person a bit at a time-till i was gone-I tried to communicate-but everything was aleays my fault so I just quit-tried to be what he wanted until I had nothing left to give and I gave up.he never like me for "who I really was" he liked me for who he thought he could change me into.

I totally agreee with you on this. My counselor was telling me yesterday that my husband hid from showing me who he really was. Now that I have seen it, it is not what is appealing to me. He is much more cynical and negative. I now that our lack of deep communication was a primary cause also.

As I stated, I hear this all the time and it appears that the concensus here is that there is a lot of communication problems and not really knowing the person you are with. I am just starting to date again after my divorce and I find myself in an uncomfortable position. I want to communicate 'who I really am' and have been open and honest in doing so ... but when I have the opportunity to get into a more serious relationship in the future, I start to wonder if the other person is being open and honest when they talk about 'who they are'. Are they projecting an image they want me to see? Are the a head case that knows nothing but how to lie and deceive (my ex)? or are they being truthful? ... and how can you tell the difference?

I would like to believe that I have communicated effectively with my exes at the beginning and during the relationships. However, this communication was not expressed by them as well. A relationship takes two people opening up and giving intimate details about what they believe, how they feel, and what they expect from life and their relationship. If there is no honest rebuttal from the other party involved, the relationship is bound to fail from the beginning. The old saying "It takes two....." always comes to mind and I believe it. We all change from day to day and need to express that openly with our significant other but they must also respect us enough to do the same in return or our relationship will be doomed. I like to think I'm an "open book" in my relationships. I believe it's dishonest to hide things from the people you love. Plus, I find it very disrespectful, to say the least.

You are SO right Bigguy! No communication. But, I can't really say he didn't accept me for 'who I am'. Even I don't know that answer right now. I thought I did before all of this. Now, I realize I defined myself by what I meant to him. That's just not enough!

It will be a long time before I discover who I really am post-divorce. Too many emotions running amuck to sort out. Too many conflicting emotions. I wonder if I could get a pill to sleep this process out for the next year. LOL.

I was my own person at the beginning, but as the time went by i ended up losing who I was and what I was all about! That will NEVER happen again. As soon as I see individuals trying to change me into WHAT THEY WANT ME TO BE, I will be out of that relationship. From here on out - accept me for WHO I am and WHAT I am!

Communication is the ultimate in two way streets. I had someone in my life who either could not or would not communicate truthfully most of the time if at all. If I really wanted some quiet time we would go on a long road trip. Hours could go by and unless I said something it was a very quiet trip

We were both young, naive and stupid.

YUP YUP YUP... and for me.. I am who I am ..and Im not Popeye the Sailor Man.

My ex..well..he told someone a few years ago that I was holding him back.. that he 'settled' by marrying me.....WTF?????????
I prevented him from reaching his full potential..WTFFFFF??????????

hell we didn't have kids until 12 years into the relationship.. I spent all the money on his vacations, adventures, schooling.. I paid all his student loans...I encouraged him to do his MA.. to travel.. WTF?????? I must of been a real bad wife. Unconditional love and support. What did I not give him?
(the sex was pretty amazing too btw..he got a lot of headaches though..lol)

I agree with the two way communication being lacking. I think when I was communicating she wasn't, and vice versa.

I don't know if she didn't accept me for who I was or not. I lost myself along the way to the point that its hard to say if she still loved that person. You would have think she loved what she created though..and she didn't.