Why dont you both move out, sell the house and split the money?

There is never a cookie cutter answer of "who SHOULD do what" - every relationship and their divorce is different.

Have either of you been a home maker throughout the course of your marriage?
Do either of you have reasonable means to support yourselves outside of the home? What about supporting the cost of the home alone?
Are there children involved and where will their primary custodial residency be?
etc. etc.
While EXTREMELY difficult, emotion is best kept out of these types of decisions - it should be handled with rational logic. While you might feel you are owed certain things, marriage is 50/50 and just because shes the one who wants the divorce doesnt mean her request is unjustified.

well Im of the school that believes the one who wants out is the one who moves out ! Don't make it easy on her., Let her find out what its like to get a new home and have to visit her children ! Why should you have to make those awful changes when you are satisfied to be where you are? My husband wanted out and I didn't. I was not going to leave my home , why should you?! Screw that !
The divorce process takes a long time and you do not have to split ANYTHING until its finalized.

I got the house, but that is because we wanted to keep things for the kids the same as always. Since i am the one getting the kids mostly, we decided I should keep the house. At least in your situation, I guess it would really depend on a lot of things.

If the house is almost paid off, I'm assuming of course that it is community property, so does whoever stays have to re finance and pay the other out for their share? Something to take into consideration.

Adding up all the assets and dividing it evenly will be the most logical answer, I guess. But emotionaly, why do I have to turn my life upside down, since she wants a divorce. If I fight her for it, its going to be messy. I'm in a lose lose situation. It's just not right.

It's rough, but the judge will look to divide the assets equally. When I left my husband 14 years ago, I left with nothing. That is unusual. I wouldn't change that. He had no way of rebuilding his life and I did, but......that being said. I would not get myself in a situation where I would have to again. I'm afraid divorce is very unfortunate, and very sad. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Unfortunately, judges care little for the "emotional" part...so, when dealing with divorces, you're left with legal stuff like houses, debt, kids, property, etc.

It's very sterile, to be honest.

If you feel you want the house, then try for it. The judge will rule on way or the other.

I stayed in my marital home because I , also, have my son most of the time, and it's already in his school district.

I believe the one who keep kids most of the time is the one who should stay in the house if you do not have kids just sell the house and split money

Maybe a new house will be a fresh start? If you stay there.... you live with the memories....

But if it's her choice, I vote that she goes....

I'm not sure why keeping the house seems like winning.

I'm six years out of my divorce. And while for a number of reasons I'm glad I kept the house....I also half wish that I had just moved on.

Few things to think about.
1) With fewer people, you won't need as much room. (My "family" room downstairs hasn't had anyone being in it for years.)
2) Cutting grass, trimming bushes, is a pain.
3) Bigger house, more expenses. One of you will probably have to buy the other out, get a mortgage, pay taxes, insurance, electric, heat and so on.

4) Each one of you will be doing it all alone. AND running back and forth to see the kids, managing kids activities, packing and unpacking for the kids each week and so on.

5) Lastly, all of the stuff you have now is to some extent tainted....the marital bed, the sheets you both slept on, wedding presents. It can help to have different stuff around you as you emotionally try to move on. (I STILL don't sleep in my room. Which is okay because my daughter does...lol. I just got out of the habit and now sleep on the couch.)

It's so not fair to either one, if she has somewhere to go since she's wanting the divorce then I believe it should default to you........or whomever has the kids majority of the time.......I liked what # 1 said, sell and split?

I lived in our marital home with our son while we divorced and my ex went to live in an apartment. It was up for sale because it was a marital asset and had to be divided. We had realtors and buyers coming in all the time and it takes away from what you would like to be your "free time." But truthfully, it would sell faster with me in it than with my husband in it and his bad temper and potentially yelling at people.

One time a realtor didn't call me first at work like he was supposed to and I was about 2 minutes driving coming home, but he used the key instead and my son was in the shower (he got really dirty at baseball and we had a doctor appointment for him after I got off work) and the realtor and the people walked in on my son in the shower. That created a huge problem. The realtor apparently felt someone left the water on. I remedied that real fast and the realtors were left strict instructions that the key wasn't to be given out until I was called by my realtor's office.

I would get dinner going and a call would come through that the realtors wanted to come by. I was always trying to make sure I wasn't cooking fish (possibly smelling up the home) and always trying to cook very pleasing smelling foods. I would go ahead and feed the child, but I wouldn't eat and I would be cleaning up the stove, washing the dishes that I cooked with and putting them away. I tell you, IT WAS ROUGH.

My ex wouldn't pay much money and I was left trying to support the home and our child. Things began to break and I was paying to repair them. I was working but my pay was nothing compared to my STBX.

The house sold, but it takes a lot out of you going through it all.

My guess is given that she's the one who wants the divorce you want the house in a way to take something from her that may mean something to her. Regardless, given how its ending...maybe the others are right. Sell it, split the profit and find yourself a new place to start over with new memories and not the ghosts of what was.

Thanks for all the advices.
I like the idea of a fresh start. I just hate a lot of changes.

We have 3 kids, 2 are in high school and the youngest is only 9. We haven't talked about who will have the kids most of the time.

I have to figure out if she is entitled to my 401k. I also mentioned that she can keep that house if I don't have to pay for alimony. I know that child support is non negotiable.