Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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belle 08/22/2009

I have a messed up life. I have been married for almost 19 miserable years. I suffer from major depression and panic attacks and can not keep a job.
I have 2 kids. I have attempted suicide many times before and after my kids were born. I even was in the hospital b/c of suicide attempt and it is due to me wanting to leave my husband but I have no where to go.

He acts like I don't even exist. We don't have conversations just talk casual about weather, kids etc...I have wanted to leave him for a long time and last year I had lost my job, couldn't provide for my kids so I attempted suicide. I told my family, my mom and 5 sisters. None would take me in just for a while until I got my mind straight or found another job. They all think my husband is the perfect husband. Let me tell you he is not. He has never supported me with my illness and today I heard him talking about me behind my back. I walked up as he was telling my sister something that happened with me.

I just want to know where you can go if you need to leave. I really believe my depression is from my marriage and living with what I call mental abuse and neglect. The stress and worry has caused my panic and anxiety. I just can't live with him anymore. He disgusts me to even look at him.

deleted_user 08/22/2009

First I need to say that it is hard for me to give advice in this. I was the one that was left and my situation is really nothing like yours. He was depressed and felt lost and confused and so then he made choices that devistated us both. In the end the most important thing is to get you better. You have to find a peace within yourself and to find happiness about you before you can ever be happy with anyone else. I could recommend that if nothing else and nowhere to go if you really feel you need to leave for a while there is always shelters you could go to or if you are a christian woman I know that most churches can offer some sort of assistance. If you are thinking of hurting yourself though you need to go seek professional medical help and maybe even check yourself into a hospital until you can work through the worste of your pain. Please know that you can change and your feelings can change and the pain doesn't always have to be there. Please think about what I said. My support is to you.

deleted_user 08/22/2009

i just don't know what to say, i'm sorry you suffer from such deep depression. did you come right out and ask members of your family if you could come and stay or did you beat around the bush? was he talking to your sister out of concern? you should have walked right up to them and told him you don't appreciate him speaking about you behind your back to your family. are the children living with mental abuse and neglect from him also? usually there are shelters for abused women and children. your local hospital would know about them. xoxoxoxoxoxx

hurtinandhealin2560 08/22/2009

Are you seeing a counselor at the present time?

If he is abusing you, contact a domestic violence shelter.

Good luck. I hope you find some peace.

deleted_user 08/23/2009

Belle- Do you have a womens resource center in your area? Try contacting your county social services to get some help.?

belle 08/23/2009

Thanks for your support.
My mom lives with my brother and she has an apartment type place built on to his house and yes I did ask if I could stay. Couldn't believe my own mom but I think she was counseled by my sisters not to let me stay with her. If I left I would take the kids with me or have joint custody.
I told you I suffer from panic disorder and agoraphobia and he was telling my sister how can I go out driving when I get mad and can't even go to wal-mart like I am lying about my disorder. I have only gone out driving once before and it was in the country and a place I am familiar with not a crowded store that is conjested. We are barely making it financially and it was like he was accusing me of faking this disorder so I wouldn't have to work. I blame myself enough for our situation and then he does this behind my back. He makes me feel so bad about myself. Thanks for listening. Oh, by the way we are both pretty civil in front of our kids but it is starting to get worse as we constantly argue all the time.

deleted_user 08/23/2009

Maybe he was confused and trying to get answers that you won't give him?

I agree with the others tho'... I would not do anything while in this condition... you need a clear mind to make these kinds of life altering decisions....

Best of luck to you!

deleted_user 08/23/2009

I have a close friend with agoraphobia, I know it's real from first hand experience. I've seen my friend overcome in panic where she was convinced she's going to having a heart attack from the panic. She ran a daycare from her home so she wouldn't have to leave the house. Her husband was a saint for 4 yrs until he insisted she get further medical help. Through counseling and medication she is a different person. She opened up a small tanning salon and runs her own business now and she's enjoying life. I've seen it from both sides, the feelings are real, I pray you will get help for you. I believe it takes a really strong commited person to help their partner, part of that is stepping back and not enabling. The first step is you and you alone.....there is always hope.

deleted_user 08/23/2009

Oh Belle, I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I have suffered mild depression for years now and I too did not get the support from my stbx. It feels terrrible, he is suppose to care for you and look out for your best interest and he complains about it instead..
I get really bad headache every month and he would mock me as if I was doing it on purpose. Then I felt like sh#t!
I went to counseling was put on meds and now I have more control of my life. I don't feel like a "debbie Downer" as he would call me. I have learned that many people suffer from all kinds of ailments and some people don't understand the illness's so its easier to talk sh#t and turn away.
I agree with all the other comments, Take care of yourself and when you feel better you will be able to make better decesions.
BIG HUGS!

deleted_user 08/23/2009

are you on medications? i think first off should be a doctors visit. then counseling for you. take these steps to start getting better and controlling your own life. share with your family or not, up to you whats going on. if it were me, i would tell my sisters that i need their support and that i will tell them what is going on in my own life, not my husband. i would also tell your husband, you would appreciate him not talking to your sisters behind your back. i don't know about the fear of leaving the house, never had that, but have isolated myself away from crowds at different friendly cookouts and so on. i'm working on that. don't just sit and let it all happen. one step at a time. xoxoxoxoxox

deleted_user 08/23/2009

I agree. See a doctor and counseling. Get out of the house. Closing yourself off only makes it worse. Get help.

In my early 20's I was depressed, anxiety disorder and had many panic attacks every day. I attempted suicide many times in one year. The panic attacks are very scary and you feel like you can't breathe and you're dieing. I become so scared I could not drive or everyday going outside became harder for me. I was taking medication is was not working for me. I did not see the doctor to talk about them. Also adding I was in a situation that was bad for me and I needed to leave it did not help. Seek help. You have to help yourself get there. No one can help you unless you are willing to help yourself first.

I know it's scary and you think no one can help you. Trust me they can. Do it for your children at least. They need their Mother and unless you get help you're in no shape to help them.

pianogirl 08/23/2009

Listen to Sweet. Running away will ensure he gets sole custody. You need to tackle your depression like you're fighting a cancer and get real medical and psychological help. Once you are feeling better and mentally strong, you can plan a way to end your marriage when your thinking is clearer. You may think you're not worth it, but I bet your kids do. They need you. Get healthy for them. Show them that when life gets tough and you feel overwhelmed, there is always a way to make it better. Be an example of recovery to them and make them proud of you. (((((((HUGS)))))))))

belle 08/23/2009

I have suffered from my illness for over 20 years. The panic did get better a long time ago but has returned since last sept. I have lost 2 jobs since then. I have been too many doctors and tried many different medicine for my illness. My husband has never given me support during these past 18 plus years of marriage. Never even met with my doctors to learn how to give support. Talking about me hurt worse than stabbing me. I know other people talk about me and my illness and how they think I should be able to snap out of it but I never thought my own husband would. It has been a rocky marriage from the get go. I think this is the last straw. I have my goals now. I have applied for disability and my doctor seems to think I have a good case. It may take a while but if I get it, I will find another place to live with my kids. I can't take his neglect any longer. That is one thing that caused my illness in the first place. I sure don't need it from him. Thanks for all the comments. They helped.

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