Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So I am faced with deciding whether to go meet my ex tonight. He has reached out to me last night and wanted to know if I wanted to meet after work for a drink. I know it prob means nothing, but I am confused on whether I should go. If I go, I will prob have a good time, but will take 10 steps back tomorrow. Is he reaching out for a reason.... Not even sure how to act, because I don't think I can sit there and not drill him for what he has done. My brain tells me, just say NO, my heart says something else. I am just so confused
I'm guessing he ended the relationship? Sometimes it's better to set some boundaries and teach people how to treat us. Have you ever heard the saying "Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it"? Maybe that's a lesson he needs to learn. I'm not saying that sometime in the future it won't work out with him or that you shouldn't but for now, don't be available to him. If he was the one who ended it, give him what he wanted. If it were me, I would say that I had plans. If he can check to see if you're home, go somewhere, even if it means hanging out at the library or going to a movie alone. Don't be available by phone or text and don't offer him another time to meet. if he does call or text, don't return it...at least not tonight. Maybe not until Saturday or Sunday even. You're not at his beck and call. If he wants back in, make him work for it and set the bar high. Either he steps up or stays out. We teach people how to treat us (it's a really hard thing to do, especially when we want to be with someone) but the long term payoff will outweigh the instant gratification every single time. Seeing him tonight might make you feel better in the moment but will hurt like hell tomorrow and the day after and the day after. Setting boundaries is hard in the moment but will pay off if you stick to them. The more you do it the easier it gets.
I'm sure you don't feel like you are strong enough to do this but you are. You need to put YOU at the top of your priority list, not him. If he's meant to be in your life he will make the effort and it will happen. Just do your thing and take care of you. The rest will fall into place on its own. I know it might seem hopeless now, but this is just a moment in time, it's not forever. Hugs!
after he found someone else and wanted a divorce, I wouldn't go near him for anything, That is just me though. I think it means he is finding out grass isn't always greener and he isn't as wonderfully happy as he thought he'd be and is trying to push the door back open so he can keep you on the line too. Once again he is thinking only of himself and he sure doesn't care that this meeting may hurt you.
That is your gut that is telling you not to go and I would listen, always listen to your gut if you want to stay on your path to healing.
I am so sorry he is even causing you more pain.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))
Otherwise, what is there to discuss over drinks? Nothing.
Muster up some healthy anger, channel it into saying no, and go do something nice for yourself this evening instead.
Have you ever tried anti-depressants? Not to be too personal but they can be a good tool to get you over the hump. Lots of people go on them for a short time when they experience a great loss or trauma. The emotional pain causes a chemical imbalance in the brain...it's like treating diabetes, high blood pressure or an infection. Mine have become therapeutic (it takes about a month) but it's helped. I am feeling stronger and more like myself finally. I will probably continue them for a few more months then go back off of them. Just a thought. :)
Best wishes
Good job on declining. I HATE it when I even see a text or email from my ex come through. I do much better not talking to her at all. Whenever I have contact, even about our daughter its a setback. Always. Just so much better forging ahead, not backwards.