These are the posts that scare me. I will fail every area in my life if I have to go through this pain for 3 years. Just shoot me.

There are no words. Not when you miss someone. The heart cant describe in words what it feels. It just feels what it does. When you miss someone who is not going to come back, its beyond words and time is almost a useless concept in the healing process. What do you do? How do you miss them less? If time isnt helpful and the heart isnt letting go, what do you do? I think you are doing a lot of the right things, but wonder what thing does your heart need?

I have dreams and nightmares of my ex. Good memories and bad. The bad I can deal with I think. I wake up angry and push myself to let go of the anger and move on with my day. The good is not as easy. The good thoughts and memories haunt me and my day. Letting go is so hard when it comes to the good memories. What do I do?

I got no answer. Im not sure if there is an answer. How do you stop missing someone...

Chris I don't know either. It is easy to say, move on. Or just get over it. But in all honesty, how do you make your heart feel soemthing different. I have been seperated for 3 years, so to alot of people I should be much further along than I am. But I truly thought that we were working it out. I am ready to let go, because for my sanity I must. Just really don't know how......

I'm so with you all in this. I can't wait until.just about everything I do and see is not a memory of us. Like you said Brittany..it doesn't matter what he did or I did..I still miss him. When we were good it was magic... when we were bad..we were very, very bad :(
I think it's just time after no contact ..eventually they just slip away..

Brittany8 I commend you first of all for still taking care of yourself and going to the gym daily during this period. I have not done a good job at that. But I can relate to how you feel. I am up right now because just like you said plain and simple. I still miss my ex.

I hope the day comes soon where I don't wake up in the middle of the night or day dream during my day but the day is not today. Hang in there.

It's only been a month for me. I wake up everyday in pain or anger. I do miss him. I still check my phone. Like I said, only a month. I doubt I will be in this place in three years, but I know there will always be a tug when I think of him. I'm evil enough to hope he hurts, too.

You must have loved deeply. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

I did love deeeply, and this would be so much easier for me if I hated him. But I don't. Yes I am angry, but I after 18 years together, I still love him, even if he does not feel the same. Accepting that it is over is the hardest for me, but after 3 years of seperation, it's times for me to move on. And that's why I am struggling right now. The sting has let up a bit, but not enough right now. When I do see him, because of our kids, he seems just as confused about things as I am. But I try to keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how bad I feel.

I agree with you, Weakminded. This scares me too. It has been one year for me but it has been really difficult.

Even though I have also accepted that it is over between us and that things could never be the same, it still hurts, I still miss him (well, at least the good memories we had). I don't usually dream of my ex, but I dreamt of him last night. In my dream he was trying to hold my hand but I wouldn't let him. Now I feel kinda sad this morning. Honestly, sometimes it just feels like it's all a bad dream and I wish I could wake up and realize that none of the bad stuff happened. That's not reality, though. I know hurt will always be there no matter how much time passes. I just hope that it becomes more bearable and that I one day able to truly find happiness again.

I feel the same way. I can't ever imagine not loving him or missing him. Even if I do meet someone, I can't even wrap my head around not ever loving him. And that is a hard pill to swallow. As I have said in my other post, I know what part I played in my marraige failing. We both played a part.... And that is another hard pill to swallow. I sure wish I could turn back time, because I would do things so different. I would do things different now, but he will not go there with me. I dream of him all the time, so he is on my mind always... I don't know when it gets better.... But I am pushing myself to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I miss my husband as well. Unfortunately, this is my second marriage that failed. It took me 15 yrs to try to "unlove" my first husband. So after being divorce for 10 yrs, I finally trusted my heart to someone again, but he fell out of love with me too. I miss him so much that my body hurts. I love with everything I am, but it wasn't enough. I don't think the pain ever goes away. You just learn to keep moving through life without them.

You are right... I am sure it never goes away. But hopefully in time it gets easier.

Like another commenter said it is awful when you dream of them too. The last two nights I have had dreams of my ex. Seeing him again, hearing his voice...I always end up having a rough time the following day. Even though I know our relationship was unhealthy and toxic I can't help but miss him.

Our ex's represent a two-fold dilemma and it helps me to segregate them. We miss them for two predominant reasons, the WHO they are and the WHAT they were. Both are painful to lose but one of them is replaceable and just as effective in removing the pain being felt. We won't find an exact WHO, (and considering how they've treated us that just could be a good thing), but other's can replace the WHAT.

Chances are, it is the WHAT that you miss the most. Coming home to someone after work, cooking and then dining with them, spending the evening relaxing, and then going to bed for the night. Even our identity as a husband or wife is a WHAT. Another WHO can be this WHAT and the pain of not doing things with our ex's is soon a thing of the past. We get too convinced and wrapped up in the thought that only one WHO can be the WHAT and that just isn't true.

I'm not condoning rushing into a new relationship however, don't get me wrong. But you can acknowledge to yourself that the WHAT can conceivably happen again and you'll experience much of the same bonding as you did before which in turn feels just as good as before. It's really only logical as it is true in most all things. If you're thirsty you don't refrain from getting something to drink because you ran out of Coke or Pepsi, you drink something else. If you're craving a snack of chips and dip but don't have any, you find something else, and the craving goes away.

We are limited in our imaginations when it comes to relationships because of the familiarity our ex's represent. When we think of ourselves in a couple, we see their face. When we recall good times we spent with the opposite sex, we see their face. We're too conditioned in every WHAT that their face is shown to be the WHO. It is this conditioning that needs to be overcome and much of the pain will subside and new hope springs up which is quite invigorating. Yes, there won't be another WHO exactly the same, but other WHATS after a time becomes a new WHO.

Once again, I'm not recommending rushing into something but IMO no matter how long you wait, that first encounter will STILL be a rebound encounter. Entering the dating world at age 49 after a 29 year marriage was quite odd to say the least but it did me good. I grieve yet today over the secondary losses from the divorce and much of that was my very own fault, but that's another topic altogether.

I've dated four women since my divorce which was 9 years ago. The first gal was within the first year, and then each followed pretty much behind the other. The last one lived with me for a tad over 2 years and at that time life felt pretty much 'normal' again. Extenuating circumstances brought it to an end about 2 years ago and we still talk albeit over 500 miles apart. I haven't dated another since but I'm getting close to approaching one of two women right now. I won't date two at a time so until things become clearer I'm holding off on an invite. We'll see.

I guess I just hope that someone will give this WHO and WHAT some thought and offer a perspective that may lighten the load of losing a love. The WHO isn't where all the pain and grief resides once you realize the power of the WHAT.

Some find they like the freedom being single again offers once the mourning subsides and that's fine too, it does have its perks. At times I do like it, but at more times I don't. Whichever way suits you the WHO/WHAT just may help get your ex out of your mind's eye.

Ours ended with her deceit and betrayal,
My nightmares revolve around trusting her with my life and being used through that trust.
Or worse they revolve around reconciliation, forgiveness, and some ownership/amends offered of my own because I love her, all rejected

It's been a year of explicit "it's over", a good day is an hour or two engaged in something that holds my attention, those few hours I'm normal but otherwise I'm gutted, burnt, battered, bruised, torn, shredded, scalded, ...

It is silver linings playbook, ( the book more so than the movie) only I gotta take care of my kids, keep the job to pay the bills

Pressure, pressure, no shelter from the storm, no time to catch 5,
It's like being in the game, on the field, needing a sub cause your head is spinning and your not so clear on the play and your assignment, need to be subbed, and that sub ain't coming, the person in the other teams jersey is absolutely kicking your ass, and it's your stbx and you flat out are rooting for her

Yeah, I think I know how you feel

Larry... Maby u r right. I miss the companionship. I don't know. Knowing he doesn't miss me, the same is really hard. But I'm still in the grieving process. I guess I need more time. I find myself very lonely. It's hard for me to think about getting back out there. Even though he has.