I want to give you my support and tell you it does get better. It has been 3 years for me and I still am going through some of the issues related to the breakup. Together for 12 yrs but never married and house was in his name. I live here with my son but the foreclosure is near the end and it some ways I look forward to it and our truly new life and away from anything to do with the ex.
Fro me somewhere around 6 months I started to feel better. Not great but better. I had nothing to do with him at thatt point and never have again. He doesnt see his son and I accepted that. Its not right but out of my control.
You know we all blame ourselves to some degree in one way or another. In that short time and those few times I spoke to him after he was gone one time I said Im sorry for how I treated you. I have no idea if he cared or remembers but I know I apologized and for me it was somewhat freeing. I am not saying you need to do this but its something to think about. It takes 2 although often one person is generally the one to not work on it and leaves but blames the other. Dont take the blame on. Its life and sometimes you did your best and sometimes you didnt. Your didnt always mean what you said now you know better and can learn from it.
I know what you mean about others. I started to keep more to myself cos I thought others just dont get it and came here. We get it here and while I did not reply often i did read and learned I was not alone. My feelings were valid and I would get through it.
And you will too. Hugs

As I sit and read all of your posts, I realize just how many of us woman are sadly going through the same traumatic, painful and sad experience at the very same time. The tears and overwhelming sadness seems to appear at the most random of moments. We are fine one second and then without warning, we are curled up in our beds, crying hysterically. We get lost in our thoughts and think to ourselves, how did we get to this point? How could our love and relationship be over just like that? Well I am here to tell all of you ladies that it does happen and it does sometimes end, just like that. We are all living proof and true witnesses of how it does happen. It's happening to you and it's happening to me. And we are all feeling the same pain and sadness.

I spent several months crying as well. But one day, that all changed and I asked myself this question? Is he really worth all the heartache and tears? If I had the chance to do it all over again, would I chose my husband? The answer...Absolutely NOT!

Yes I was married for 22 years. But I was married to someone who truly didn't fulfill me. Who never really made me happy. I may have been content, but mostly content with being busy working, being a mom to my beautiful daughters and keeping myself preoccupied so I didn't focus on how unfulfilling my marriage really was. There was no romance, no laughter, no passions or hobbies we both shared. He worked, worked out and watched sports. He was neglectful, irresponsible and disrespectful.

I knew this and know this so why all the tears? Why all the heartache and pain?

The answer was simple. I was saddened by the end of a life I had grown accustomed to. The comfort of knowing what I could expect, and the comfort of just existing in my unfulfilled but familiar world.

I have stopped my hysterical crying and come to terms with the fact that my marriage is truly over. I don't want to be be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me and I certainly have to believe that this is just a new beginning. That as difficult as it is to all of the sudden not be with someone you have spent 1/2 of your life with, It is far more difficult to imagine being with him another 20 years and being unfulfilled and unhappy. That is far sadder than the end of a bad and unhappy marriage.

As difficult as it is for us to imagine being happy again after going through this heartache and feeling the way we do at this very moment when everything is so raw and painful. I can say with certainty that every single one of us will at some point (some sooner than others) find acceptance in the end of our relationship and some day look back (when we have all moved on and found happiness again) and know that the end of this chapter was what was best for us all!

We will all get through this and we will all be there to help each other!

I am sorry if I'm in the wrong group but I'm struggling very badly with dealing with the pain. Feels like I've lost a part of me even though she left me its been 3 months now and I'm struggling to get by the days. Sleeping doesn't help, exercising does but my body recovers badly due to the depression and emotions. Work is very difficult to cope with under these situations. Would appreciate it if someone can give me advice and help me. Sorry for invading the group

Faithin me, your post describes my feelings exactly. Its hard to leave the habit of your old life, even when you have been so unhappy. Sometimes I second guess myself and thin that maybe I should try again, but I know there is no point - ultimately he is stuck on someone else and I was so unhappy. Slowly it gets better with time.

tcl18, it will get easier with time. Just surround yourself with people you love and occupy your time with things that make you happy. Get back in contact with people you've lost touch with (If you are anything like me, I lost touch with many people primarily because of the energy that was sucked out of me from being married to a downer of a husband). I've started reading more, visiting with family more, researching vacations that I might want to take someday (when I can afford to) and just looking forward to this summer, when I'll have only my grown daughters, my dogs and me to focus on!

I find new strength in myself every single day and being on this website, being able to share my journey with others and being inspired by the strength and stories people are sharing every day, is helping me trek forward as I move towards a brighter future and a happier me!

I really understand the pain all of you are experiencing. My husband left me abruptly right before our 20 year anniversary. Never saw it coming. Apparently he had been nurturing relationship with his high school girlfriend on his trips to visit his parents. To make it worse, in order to start friction in the marriage, he started doting on my best friend of 13 years and she responded. So betrayed by both. I was totally traumatized; I completely trusted him. This was last April and I still struggle. I had to be hospitalized by August for depression. I also had to move out of the beautiful home I had created and loved in the mountains because it made me nauseated and unable to move on being there. I recommend reading The Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity for those who got left for someone else.

I think you might benefit from reading The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson. That book and the Chump Lady book and my therapist have helped me the most. I got abandoned just short of 20 years. I get the crying 24/7. Trust me. And like me, we have to believe that the pain will get better with time.