I understand your pain my bf left me because I caught him at the other woman house...and when we both asked him to choose...he couldn't..now while I'm depressed crying not knowing up from down, he's having a ball....just know that you are taking the first step to heal by talking about it and not just holding the pain in...and if nobody else tells you today...i love you sweetie and it will get better

What kind of problems were you having, you said he can't forgive you?

Thank you so much. I cant imagine what you are going through. I have never thought that was someone else but his behavior only leads me to believe that there is. I have 3 kids and only my youngest is with him but he helped me raise my other two since they were babies so I feel like not only is he abandoning me but my two boys as well. Its just so hard to comprehend how someone can he so heartless, selfish and cruel. If I didn't love him so much, Im sure it would be easier. He knows im completely breaking inside and his only response has been "stop feeling sorry for yourself" or he'll say sorry for you pain! The only escape I find is when Im sleeping but sometimes I cant even sleep. talking to people who haven't been through it just tell me to get myself together and look at me as weak but I just feel like I need to get it out and I don't know how ling it will last but its def not my choice to feel this way. Thanks for your kind words!

SadinPhoenix for many years he has had issue with drinking and with the people he associated with that caused a lot of problems. Each time I forgave him but I still carried around the pain. I will be honest and say it turned me cold to him and I even tried counseling but he couldn't admit to any of his wring doings and stopped going. I never did anything close to the things that he did to me but I did become cold, turned off and distant. I said things that were hurtful because I just didn't know how else to express myself and I could never hurt him the way he did me. So to hear him say not that he hasn't been happy with me for 7 yrs or our 9yr relationship is too much to handle. I regret not being able to handle my emotions and I never wanted to feel the pain that I felt from him so Im blaiming myself and he makes it that I was so unhappy and he cant handle that.

It is painful, tizzy. Of course you are right to feel all the things you are feeling. You're not alone. We're all here because it is not an easy thing to go through. It is not because you are weak or just feeling sorry for yourself. It is traumatic to lose someone you love and especially painful when they chose to leave you. You will get through it. Be kind to yourself. Try not to bully yourself and worry about what others think.

I have been married 25, my stbx said he spent 2weeks thinking and couldn't come up with one happy thought of our marriage in the last 20 yrs. We have three children with the oldest being 20.

I'm having the same pain & been on an emotional roller coaster for 11 mos. He moved a week ago and seems to be doing great and I'm still not even to a point of feeling OK.

Focusing on what i can control like spending time with my kids, Journaling, finding someone to talk to that has been through this has helped. Best if it can be someone that has no ties or just wants to add to the rumor mill.

tizzy, I have a similar story. I turned cold to him as well as a result of his disrespectful and hurtful behavior towards me. but eventually we were able to patch things up only to have him begin and email relationship with his ex that was heading in only one direction. Despite prior to leaning this I couldnt think of any positives about our relationship (he was distant lacking in affection, self-absorbed, disrespectful, etc.) and wanted it to end, I wasnt prepared for the extremes of emotion that I have experienced since August. Even when you know the separation is for the best is very hard to put away years of a relationship. Take care and keep talking about ti, it will get better.

Thank you so much everyone for sharing and for your kind words! It helps knowing Im not alone. Ive gone the longest stretch I have in days without braking down and crying but I know its just a matter of time before it happens again. Its so difficult knowing that he seems happy even after all the times I tried to make things work and I was the one carrying around the pain. I wish I never did get emotionally shut down and I regret every hug or form of affection he showed that I dismissed. I see the things now that I could have done differently but the fact is he continued with the same behavior that led me to those exact feelings. Having to see him every time we exchange my daughter is like having to relive it all over again. For him to see his daughter screaming and crying for him to come home is heart wrenching but it doesn't seem to affect him. I just keep praying with all that I have that he will see his was but I don't want to hold on to hope that I know just isn't there. Im in a positon that Im not only losing my husband but my medical benefits and possibly my home because of the financial burdens that come along with this, but again it doesn't phase him. I always made excuses for him for years that "he doesn't do things purposes, he just makes bad decisions" I cant do that anymore. It like I never knew him and that is what is so scary! I have to see him again tomorrow for my daughters birthday party and Im doing everything I can to try to hold it together because the last thing I want is for him to see that I am not. After all he said he felt sorry for me. As much as I dying inside I don't want him to see me as a pathetic fool because that exactly what he does think. I don't want to put on this hard exterior, I like to be honest with my feelings but its a sign of weakness in his eyes.

Your ex sounds like mine - cannot see his role in the deterioration of the relationship - I even took my ex to counselling at one point so that he could try to understand that it was hard for me to fell sexual towards him when he was treating me poorly. The counsellor made a number of suggestions of things he and I could do differently - I was willing he as not. He took it all as a personal insult. As I said, he cannot see his own behavior. Its very frustrating when you have tried so hard only to meet the brick wall. You took/take responsibility for your contribution, but he never did. You tried he didnt. Its not your fault.

tcl18...Yes they do sound the same. We tried counseling as well and the exact thing happened. He felt like he was being disrespected and ganged up on by me and the counselor! So of course he quit going! Its so discouraging but im really trying to not blame myself. I guess the only thing is to learn from it, it just stinks that its so damn hard!

I am so sorry. I hope you are feeling better. It hurts to see your ex go on with their lives as if they never cared for you. But they do feel something.

My wife told me just 2 weeks ago that she wanted a divorce. Reading all the replies, I fear that I am in for some major hurting still to come. It hurts like hell right now and the thought of this pain lasting for a very long time just scares the living hell out of me. How can one endure so much pain, knowing it will be quite some time before it eventually goes away? I don't know if I can get through this.

Sorry, I forgot to mention we have been together for almost 10 years. Not sure if that matters or not...

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. That's why we are here. It does lessen with time but that's not of much solace when the pain is still raw. I was married for 24 years, after years of counselling I couldn't take anymore of the lying and cheating. I left 3 months ago. Now my husband is crying on the phone, asking me to take him pack. The pain just keeps on kicking me. We all have our own stories, you're not alone and hopefully sharing helps.

I haven't been on in a few weeks but things have still been so up and down. I am seeing a therapist and it has helped somewhat. Its like one day Im feeling good then something, almost everything reminds me that my life will never be the same and Ill have a few days of just depression. Its so hard to explain it to some people in my life because they think Im feeling sorry for myself and I need to be stronger. I know I need to be strong, especially for the kids but everyday Im still searching for a way to try and be better. Despite all the hurtful things that we experienced with each other he still was my best friend and the one that I spoke to everyday of my life and its just gone. No calls or texts and if they are he is very mean. I literally feel so lost. Im just floating by everyday, praying for even just a little clarity and maybe a little less hurt. I cry everyday and sometimes I cant even control it. I look at other people and see how strong they are when they have lost someone they love and its hard not to feel like a complete failure. Its hard to say it to some people in my life but the fact remain that I still miss him and it hurts me down to my bones. Its been almost 4 months and it feels like this pain wont subside. I really don't know what else to do. It has impacted my life so much as far as functioning. I avoid people and places because it hurts too much. I know there is a lot worse things in life then this but if there is a hell, Im living in it! Thank you for sharing and for the support.