Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Its been almost a year since my break-up. I was the one that broke up with him but I just really wanted him to realize what I meant to him and hoped he'd tell me how he felt, this lead to him being nasty and saying he didnt give a shit about me anymore and he completely deleted me from his life. This was the end of June, its now April, we ve only had brief contact once five months ago I sent him an email apologizing cuz he was still in my contacts and was getting some emails I had sent to all my contacts. He to my surprise wrote a reply, I wrote back saying hope you're doing well, never heard from him again. I just found out by my own snooping he s seeing someone, its been a few months from what I can tell. Its like the break up is happening all over again. Its been a really long winter I've been so depressed I've cried and cried thinking about him and everything that happened, I spent all this time thinking about us what we had, everything around me is a reminder, and I'm a hopeless romantic so I take stupid small things as signs, what the signs mean idk but for example the other day I was having really hard time so went for walk, I turned on Pandora while I was walking and certain songs that meant something to us played, it was like a scene out of a movie, a song that was ours played, switched station only to get another song that was ours, so now with all this pain and hurt I still feel I keep reminiscing about everything, every little thing I can think of or not even think of it just pops into my head, and its been all this time, I still feel so devastated, and to see his new girlfriend, thinking of him with her, thinking of when we were first together its just so awful..............I hurt, I physically hurt, I can feel that pain like your chest and heart are in a vice. Why does he still affect me so much, is it because I have no answers, I know i'll never get answers, I wonder if I'll ever find what we had again, I wonder what happened why he changed, was it me? Did I bring the worst out in him??? How and why did he ever love me? Did he ever really love me??? None of that matters now............I just dont know what to do, I work out or walk everyday, I m seeing a counselor, I'm on medication, reaching out to my ex isnt a possibility, he'd wreck me, I dont know what else I can do, I just beg and plead and cry for something or someone to lift this burden off me, to please take this pain away, the memories the feelings just please make it go away, I just want to be ok....not even happy lol just ok.
I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I understand how you feel, what I think you need to do is change your mind set. Try to be positive about your decision to leave. There obviously was a reason or you wouldn't have fought n the first place.
If you used a break up as a tactic that you thought would work one way but ended up shooting yourself in the foot, don't think of it as a bad thing, think of it as a lesson learned.
It seems to me that your ex has moved on. Be happy for him and try to move on yourself. I agree with Cloudshine that you need to stop yourself from obsessing about him. Snooping into his life is only hurting yourself. You need to be strong and confident and make new friends and a new life.
Think positive my friend, it is a waste of energy to spend so much focus on someone who, like the movie says, isn't that into you.
He isn't that into you, because he has moved on. Why waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't want you while possibly not seeing who is there for you. Do you see what I mean?
Keep strong and remember YOU are worth it! No one has the right to make you feel small. Don't allow it. ok? Big hugs xoxo I will be thinking of you.
Sandy
I am unable to advise you how to deal with it other than just allow the grieving process to take its course. And please you must resist the temptation to contact him or snoop on him. you will simply open fresh wounds and your healing will take time. Be surrounded by friends, go dating but try not go on rebound, anything to stop you thinking about him. Anything is worth a try. Good luck and here's a ((hug)).
Also when you begin to snoop after a year, it's another way of stalking him even if it is online. You don't want to become a creepy stalker, so let it all go and give it up. You're better than that. Focus on you.
I understand about the little things you see around you taking you to a sentimental place that you remember to be so much better than where you are now. Im packing up my house since the stbx left months ago. Im starting to resent that he got to start with a clean slate somewhere else without the burden of memories. I wish I could do that too but it has to be done.
I will miss all the things I cant keep, but I know I will be so much happier in my new and improved future life. I find it really is about how you look at things. I could be sad and crying all day if I let myself get to that, but I dont want to so I make that choice. I hope this helps.