Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been dating a wonderful man for awhile. We live together, my son likes him and I could not be happier. Technically he is married. His wife left him a little over 5 years ago. He has good insurance and she had health problems. Being the sweet guy that he was he never filed the papers so she could stay on his insurance and get her health taken care of. He tried two years ago to file them, she even signed them but then later begged him not to turn them in. She said because of pre- existing conditions she still could not get insurance. Its been five years now and because of new laws there is no reason she can not get her own and he wants to be able to move on and think about the possibility of a new family etc....
He told her it was time to get those papers signed. I get up a few days later after he told her it was time and she sent me a message on facebook (dont you just love facebook) telling me thank you for taking care of her husband but she decided she still loves him and wants him back. She basically wrote him the same thing. He very nicely but firmly told her that their marriage was over 5 years ago and he did not want to change that. A couple days later he get another note from her that says when he puts $1000 in her hand she will sign the papers. If not she said she will refuse to.
There are no kids between them and no property. When she left 5 years ago she basically took the saving and bought land with it and left him the trailer which they only paid $2000 for and he got about half of that back when he sold it. (my understanding was it was pretty much only good for scrap). He is going to see a lawyer tomorrow. I am just curious if anyone else has went though a situation where the ex decides they wont sign and how much trouble this is this going to be. I know she cannot stop it from going through but what worries me is in the last week we found out he has some possible health problems(waiting on the test results now). If this has any potential to be stressful for him I would rather just take out a small loan and pay her off.
He told her it was time to get those papers signed. I get up a few days later after he told her it was time and she sent me a message on facebook (dont you just love facebook) telling me thank you for taking care of her husband but she decided she still loves him and wants him back. She basically wrote him the same thing. He very nicely but firmly told her that their marriage was over 5 years ago and he did not want to change that. A couple days later he get another note from her that says when he puts $1000 in her hand she will sign the papers. If not she said she will refuse to.
There are no kids between them and no property. When she left 5 years ago she basically took the saving and bought land with it and left him the trailer which they only paid $2000 for and he got about half of that back when he sold it. (my understanding was it was pretty much only good for scrap). He is going to see a lawyer tomorrow. I am just curious if anyone else has went though a situation where the ex decides they wont sign and how much trouble this is this going to be. I know she cannot stop it from going through but what worries me is in the last week we found out he has some possible health problems(waiting on the test results now). If this has any potential to be stressful for him I would rather just take out a small loan and pay her off.
What we say here won't matter because we don't have the specifics on his case, and like I said, he is working it out on his own.
By staying out of it with matters between the two of them, you show him that you trust in him to resolve it.
TTMI729 I agree it is a lot of unnecessary drama. He was not expecting this. Only reason that piece of paper was still there was because he was being nice so she could have health insurance. He suspects the whole I love you thing was just a ploy because she is having money problems and is trying to get something out of him.
Astimegoesby this is a different guy. The one your talking about had just gotten separated. I was doing a rebound thing(did not realize it at first) and should never have put myself in that situation. I knew better. I decided it was not a situation I really wanted to be in so I removed myself from it quickly. Nice guy and all and still friends with him but it was to complicated. This one should not have been. There were no lingering emotion or kids or complications. It was all about health insurance. I did not answer her back and I am mostly leaving it to him.
I guess the main thing I was worried about is we are waiting on some test results now. He might have some heart problems. I know he would rather pay the lawyer than give her a dime but if this has the potential to be stressful I am going to encourage him to just pay her off and be done with it.
HOWEVER, there might be a new complication. He keeps talking about how he has bad credit. I never really thought about it but the other night I asked him about it. He has no loans, no credit cards, always pays cash so how is his credit bad. He mentioned it was from a long time ago. I asked him when the last time he got a credit history and that it might not be as bad as he thinks. (He is wanting a newer car is why all this was brought up but did not think he could get it). I showed him the website where you could get your credit report for free once a year. Well to get your credit report they ask you questions only you can answer. Two of the questions were who do you have a car loan with and who do you have a house loan with. He answered none because he has never had either. The website refused to let him have the information basically saying he answered incorrectly.He can still get it he just has to send some documents in through the mail now. He wont know for sure until he gets the credit reports but the questions asked were for loans made the same year she left him. Shortly after she moved out she was living in a nice house and had a new car. She is loosing her house now because she cannot afford to pay for it. The worry now is that there are loans out there that she had forged his name on. If that is the case it opens up a whole new issue.
I agree with sandy-
Hopefully the situation will resolve soon..
Just a little suggestion- if it is not your "battle" don't fight it-
Your boyfriend and his wife are the only to who can finish/terminate their marriage-
Someone else trying to get involved only makes matters worse-
I was the wife- and he had the GF-
For your own sake let them resolve it, and then you make your decision where to go from there.
Just my opinion.
I will however continue to support him in whatever way I can and in whatever way he feels he needs. Whether she signs them soon or whether he has to fight it wont change the fact they its happening. Either way it wont affect us as a couple. I am really worried about the strain on him if it drags out though.