Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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new2this2 12/03/2012

I haven't posted in... maybe close to a year. My divorce has been final since last February. I don't think of my ex at all anymore. I don't miss him. I can see the disastrous and inevitable end to our relationship that I couldn't see coming before. It never should have been. I'm glad it's done.

So, now what? You hope when something like this happens that you don't end up with trust issues. You hope that the only thing that changes about who you are is that you're a little bit wiser when it comes to relationships. ...easier said than done apparently. I find myself doubting myself. A thing I've never done and I'm late in my 40's. I find myself wondering what peoples true motives are.

If someone asked me out on a date right now, I'd go. As long as it was just for the sake of going out on a date, getting to know someone new. There isn't a chance in hell I'd risk a relationship right now. But that's fine. I know it takes time after an incredible heartbreak. I'm sure that some day I'll be ready. I haven't yet given up on the idea that people can be happy and live out their days together.

The hard part is going Christmas shopping for your kids, alone. Having any kind of health issue, alone. Going out exploring the new area you live in on your day off, alone. My kids are fantastic. I love them to pieces. We have so much fun together. They make me laugh. But man... they are no substitute for sharing your every day life with a partner. I think I miss the physical contact more than anything.

Big sigh!

deleted_user 12/03/2012

I'm 60 years old and I've had two marriages. My first one was my very first love and he was abusive and hit the baby and I left and didn't look back. He died from pneumonia a few years later. I dated the second guy for 2 years and thought he was good and got married and he adopted my son. After a year of a marriage he let loose and was so abusive physically and emotionally and it was bad. I divorced him.

I learned so much from both of those relationships and it's made me look harder at my choices, that I can't fix people, and to look harder at people who want a long-term relationship. It's also made me realize that abuse is an instant end to a relationship and you get out right away. They are all good learning messages.

Right now I'm getting over the loss of my Mom and the trauma from her at other times, so I'm not interested in dating at all.

I've discovered that I have a whole new life and I can go out on my own and love what I find at museums, various centers, and in the park and I like that I come home to MY PLACE and it's a joy and my two cats are true characters.

I've also made my bedroom so comfortable and calm so that it is my sanctuary, and a place where when I go to bed, it is a warm, welcoming place to be.

deleted_user 12/03/2012

I'm 64 years old. I also have wonderful children that are in my life almost daily. Right now at this minute I'm waiting for my 1st grandchild to be born.
I so understand the "alone" . its hard when you stand back and see all the happiness in our lives, but like you said facing things in our lives alone is hard.

(((Hugs)))

trisha9054 12/03/2012

I was always the independent one in my family. That meant my birth family never helped me much. The first h was a drunk who hid his drinking until we married. That one lasted five years and he was making comments he married the wrong ------girl. He should have married the other one. She got all the help from my family.

The second and last married me because I could handle things and that's just what I did. I handled my life, the kids, the moves, the many houses we lived in. Everything except his many other women. I even handled our divorce so the poor thing could continue to live in his dream world. But he did bring opportunities into my life that I wouldn't have had. This farm would not exist and I would probably have the same miserable life my siblings have had. my life is good and I'm happy living here by myself.

I've always been alone but only lonely when I was married and I'm not looking for anyone in my life. I'm much too busy right now to add a man into my life.

ChiTownBear 12/03/2012

You are too good of a lady to not share your days with someone.

It will happen.

Good to see you

Itsaboutmeinlv 12/03/2012

I am 44 soon to be 45 was married to a abuser for 24 years so do the math and I was young. It was almost my whole life and it wrecked my whole world when he left me for the other woman and married her after 3 months being divorced. Yup I was devastated and now I am elated because he actually did me a favor. I learned so much from my past and I dictate my future. I am happy at the turn out of MY life even thou we have unfinished business due to his actions but even that does not change my life I do not allow it. I also am in a serious relationship and I am in love after taking some time off for me to live life and learn about me. Life is simple and you control what you want. I never thought I could be this happy but here I am. I love this saying. " Without great sorrow there would be no happiness because everything would be the same.' that is so so true. It will come when you are least expecting it. Sounds so cliche but that is what happened to me. I was bowling and there he was. Good luck to you.

deleted_user 12/03/2012

and i am 57, it is not final yet but soon will be. this christmas is so hard on me. I, like you, just miss having someone else around. No other love can replace a partner's love.

I do not know where I am on the trust scale. hover real close to zero, I think. I think there are folks who live thier lives out together. Grow old together etc. Help each other when the other is ill. The entire 9 yards.

I am just not one of them. Doubt really if I ever will be.

I find myself now also second guessing everyone's motives for everything......................

hope things change for both of us

deleted_user 12/03/2012

Its that word "alone" that makes it tough, especially when you were with a partner for many years. I know we need to find our own way and learn to be content with ourselves, but the closeness you have with your partner- emotionally and physically- is hard to overcome. I think it will take many years for me. Not sure how I'm going to do it.

Good luck to you- and to all of us!

Itsaboutmeinlv 12/03/2012

That was the odd part in my situation. I didn't actually want to be with him anymore I wanted to be in my home with all my familiar material things at the time. I liked being alone because I was at peace with no one beating me or yelling at me. I wonder if we are getting the two confused. Do you really want to be with someone who treated you so bad or do you just want to be back in your comfort zone? I didn't mind being alone, I didn't like being lonely. The loneliness came later thou but handling that was all in my control. If I no longer wanted to be lonely I went out and did things that I had to associate myself with others.

new2this2 12/03/2012

Thanks for the replies. It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from a movie - "If we're all alone, then we're all together in that too".

I've never minded being alone. This is actually my second divorce and my second time of finding the ground under my feet again. The first time was hard, like divorce usually is, but I managed to grow my business, buy a house and enjoy my kids and life. I remember coming home to MY house and loving it. I enjoyed being on my own. I made a great life for myself and had a blast with friends and family.

I'm trying to decide if this is different because of the relationship itself or the fact that my Mom (the closest person on the planet to me) died this year and everyone I know with the exception of my kids live 3000 miles away. It's been a year since I moved here and I still don't know anyone but the people I work with.

I've managed to get myself out by myself and do the things I like doing. I even took a 3 day trip to West Virginia to a nice secluded place tucked in the mountains so I could unwind completely and get out of the rat race for a few days. It was amazing... and then I looked next to me and there wasn't anyone to say 'This is amazing' to.

Hi Chi :) Good to see you too! *does the 'go bears' cheer*

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