I know you have a lot on your plate. My biggest fear, when I first moved out with my kids, was that my son would want to go back home and live with his father. That would have killed me. But now here it is, almost 2 years later, and he still lives with me. Occasionally he'll have a week where he sees his father a lot, and then I start thinking about what I would feel if he said he wanted to live there again. Honestly, although it would hurt, it wouldn't be as bad now because I have healed somewhat, and am slowly making a new life for myself. The ups and downs lessen over time. The big thing to do for yourself now is to love on your kids when you have them, and then have some plans for things you really enjoy doing when they're not there. For me, it was reading a book. I read more books in the last 2 years than I did during my entire 24-year marriage. I've learned to enjoy my alone time. I used to feel sad, but not anymore. I cherish those times. And I know that very soon both my kids will be gone and it will just be me, so I have to "get a life." Easier said than done, but I'm working on it.

I sense a lot of anger in you, for good reason. Have you considered seeing a therapist? I've been seeing one since before I left my STBX, and it has really helped me to identify areas in my life that are lacking and to help make plans to change what I don't like. It's also a good place to vent. Just a suggestion.

Im very sorry to hear that. Im also in a rollercoaster ride but I believe that I am in a better situation now than being married. I cry, I get angry, I get frustrated, cannot eat, cannot sleep, and cannot do reasonable work. I live everyday with the hope that one day in the future I might get tired of all these emotions and will eventually move on. Please stay positive. Life is a struggle.

It wont..but one day you'll learn to manage them... most of what I felt during my breakup was anger, I've been angry for months-- and the same time I feel lost --when all the crying and denial was over, for me it was simply anger and feeling lost ..took me 2 years to really deal with that...after being angry for so long, I was able to let go -- it's like all these negative emotions piled up and suddenly exploded --- then it was relief -- then when things remind me of the past, some emotions get stirred -- but then I learned to control them, feel them for a few minutes then shake them ..but I gave it time to conquer me, when I found myself again, I conquered the emotions. It's not easy but it will teach you so much about yourself -- that's why people often say that we always come out as new people after painful experiences, we discover things about ourselves, this is one of those discoveries.

I think there are a couple things here to consider. I know money is very tight, but I think you need to get into a counselor. You have so many stresses in your life that you are headed for a breakdown of some sort- either mentally or physically. A good counselor can help you regain some order in all of that chaos.

If I may ask- what 2 days of the week are the kids staying with your ex? Because if you have them all the weeknights (school nights) and she has them every weekend- that will add to your stress. And it would add to missing the kids more because the two days you might have off of work to spend relaxed time with the kids are the two days you don't have them. If thats the case, I do think you need to consider finding a better schedule.

Unfortunately, that two incomes to one happens in so many breakups. Every dollar gets stretched to a point where you have no free money. There is the usual spend time at a park, free (or very inexpensive) art museums or zoo or loal highschool football gaes, whatever, but those lose any appeal after a while. I would suggest checking the local library website because most have some sort of programs or shows going where you can spend time. I know our local one shows movies a couple times a month. Free concerts can be found, especially in the summer. I'm just trying to think of things I do with my kids.

Finally- even if you can't afford the counseling, please take care of yourself. You are a strong and positive influence on your kids lives. I know that I got so focused on everything to do with the kids that I stressed out to a point where people worried about my well-being. Think of one thig you have always wantd to do- jump out of an airplane, run in a 5k event, fly in a hot air balloon, whatever. And find a way to do it. Maybe it will take you six months to save all that change from your pocket that you throw into a bucket at the end of the day before you have scraped together enough to do it, but that will give you soemthing positive to focus on for yourself, and at the end of it you'll get to cross something off your bucket list. Its a win/win.

Good luck to you.

I am living proof that there is a better life after divorce. I will be divorced 3 years in just 2 weeks from now. I went through a 5 year divorce where my ex sued me twice with bogus lawsuits....*rolls eyes.

It's a matter of visualizing what you want your life to be like that starts to make it better. It sounds like you are struggling with depression as did I. After a year or two of feeling sorry for myself, I picked myself up with the help of a therapist and this support group and started "fixing" ME.
I'm still not dating and am ok with that. I can't work the hours I did due to health issues, so I started working on making the properties I got in the divorce make money for me (I have it all rented out with excellent tenants....this took awhile by weeding out the good from the bad). I'm working with a financial adviser (we barter). I do cheap things like hang out at the library or watch old videos/DVD's that I already own or borrow from family/friends. I quit smoking, changed insurance companies for better rates, keep calling and bugging AT&T and other companies for better rates, Share cell phone service with a group of responsible friends/family, have multi-family yard sales, etc to raise money for little extra's.....I also barter and have obtained some really nice things I've needed (i.e. a stove, kitchen table and chairs, a TV, and remodeling and improvements on rentals).
Doing all this rearranging. bartering, and fixing up has kept me quite busy and preoccupied so that I don't think about the past and my ex.
I think the key is to get help....there are free or sliding scale counseling centers through the mental health hotlines......and to get busy making the changes. You can't help your kids if you don't help yourself first.
Sorry to sound so harsh. However, I do empathize cuz I've been where you and the others on this board are at and know how overwhelming the tasks I've mentioned can be, but I know that change will not come about without your action/participation in making it better. Take baby steps and keep moving forward.
Best wishes for everyone in this horrible situation.....there is a better life waiting for you....I promise ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))

I meant I weeded out the bad from the good tenants.