I "knew" 30 years too late. I "sensed" it the second time he stood me up, very early on in our dating, and every time thereafter. I sensed it all those moments he said something but did the opposite. Through all the hundred thousand little white lies. All of the big promised left shattered, promises made just because it's easy to promise something. Through all of the twisted logic from him, all of the indifference from him, all of the lack of trying from him, the absolute inability to communicate.


I "knew" it when a major life event happened. It was when my oldest started applying to colleges. Knowing the youngest was 2 years away from doing the same, I finally took a hard look toward the time in my life when it would just be he and I again, and I couldn't do it anymore, couldn't continue to let him wipe his feet on me. There was no point pretending, and my heart and soul could no longer suffer through the apathy.


Finally knowing was very freeing. Being stuck in limbo, whether for 30 years, 3 years or 3 months, well it's no place to be. I hope you can make the best decision for yourself sooner rather than later.

That's where I am. I'm at crossroads. He always says he will work on it when he comes back. But now this time I noticed I'm scared when he comes home and walk on eggshells. I make sure everything is how he wants it so he won't get angry and punch walls

When the "toxic" relationship becomes violent, it is definitely time to go.

However, with both partners willing to address the problems by getting help individually and as a couple to find resolution, there is an argument to be made for staying together. But when one partner refuses to see their contribution to the problems and refuses counseling or other attempts to improve the relationship, there is little hope. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Ive been in 2 toxic relationships. The first one I was so exhausted and mentally beaten. I remember it needed to be done when I couldn't even bring myself to kiss or have sex with him anymore. I had lost all my friends and social life because he had convinced me they were bad people. This most recent breakup I started noticing similarities in that previous guy. I had many flash backs and luckily I had those tools and knowledge from before to get out of this one much quicker in only a few months. It doesn't make it any easier, but when you start feeling like you are walking on egg shells or find yourself apologizing all of the time just to calm a situation down, its time to go.

The fact that you know it's a toxic relationship should be your answer

I Knew Years and years ago when we would get into arguments and he just apologized just to end the fight. This caused our disagreements escalate, hence built up of anger, frustrations, and finally neglect. I stayed because I thought he was who he was, and he didn’t know he was doing it. But after 21 years I found out he did know what he was doing all along. He just didn’t care enough to resolve to face the problems.. I left when he finally had an affair and acted liked he was entitled to it. I should have left years ago. When your gut tells you something is wrong you’re probably right.

Following the last post- my gut was never settled during my last relationship.

But I knew it was time when I looked at the scale and realized I’d lost 15lbs without noticing. When I left the drugs and alcohol alone and soberly saw our problems weren’t being solved. When he kept using drugs and alcohol to avoid facing our problems. When he began blaming me and my emotional state for the problems his addictions wouldn’t allow him to face. When he’d barely stay home to avoid conversations with me. When things got too out of control and you realize there is no team effort in trying to restore health...That’s when.