Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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What to do without honesty

tattoosnbutterflies
tattoosnbutterflies
I just recently left my husband 2 months ago. I have decided that this is my best means of support. I was married/ with him for 18 years. That now seems like a life sentence to me. I regret only staying so long. When I look at my marriage now and what it really was I cannot believe I was that person that loved him and wanted to make it work. The lies...the cheating.. Most of all the abuse. Still one child left the raise that he can try to tug of war with me. I love my son to much for that. I won't hurt him or destroy his mind like that. I do not claim to be perfect but I am so done with the mind games and lies. His most recent try is that he is sick. That he knows he is sick. Now he knows my mom has breast cancer and I am helping her Thur treatments and my dad died of cancer. So when I offered my help and to go to appts he refuses. He says he just wants to be loved for who he is not for being sick. So after his last appt I asked to see his blood results and he then said don't worry bout me I am fine. So I laid it out for him, I said you will need to show me all the results showing me you are sick since you have already claimed it and have proof or show me you're fine and then it would prove again he lied. I know it's sounds heartless but years of lies I just have to know. I am so willing to put it all aside to help him but I need honesty. So he said June 10 I can have my results??? Whatever is my feeling. If it were reversed .. Well I guess it would not be I am not a liar. My question I what should I do.
OLDBIKER
OLDBIKER
I would do what your heart says to do. If his results come back with no ill affects, then you will know he lied. If they come back that he is sick then, you can make a decision on whether to help him or not.

Regardless, I would not take sarcasm and verbal abuse from him if you decide to help him. He showed no love and honesty to you with the lying, cheating and other abuse so, why feel like you are obligated to help him, if he continues this same behavior.
tattoosnbutterflies
tattoosnbutterflies
I guess I feel obligated due to the years of being together and my duty as a wife. But I have a stupid vision of him being able to be my friend and me care for him if he is sick. But if he has lied about it I will have to forgive him... And let him go forever. Knowing he truly only cares about himself and has an illness in his mind I cannot live with it in my life no longer.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wouldn't help him. let one of the women he cheated with step up and help.

Your duty as a wife is over if your marriage is over.
chapter42
chapter42
Your story really struck a chord with me. I was in a 4 year relationship with someone who was exactly how you describe your husband. She would lie about things that were insignificant as well as things that really mattered. When I would confront her she would turn everything on to me. A term that is commonly referred to as gaslighting. She would also accuse me of doing the things she was guilty of doing herself another psychology term known as projection.

There were times when I questioned my own sanity even though intellectually I knew better. It wasn't until after I learned she suffered from a "class B personality Disorder". Now I am not saying your husband has the same condition but if he does you need to run and don't look back because there is not cure and he will not change.

I wish you the best and hope he is not being deceitful about something so serious especially based on your family history.
tattoosnbutterflies
tattoosnbutterflies
Thank you for that. I guess it is the first time in a long time I have not felt crazy or like an investigator. It is truly heart breaking. So many people love him because of who he makes him self out to be. I wish him only the best... Because I know who he is both sides and it hurts so much that it cannot be real.
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