Hugs, my friend. You are right, do not engage him, No Contact are the key words. I have not talked to that ex since 2007. Yes, it is hard being married to a narcissist. I was married to one too. Their passive/aggressive behaviour is really hard to handle at times. What you are feeling is normal. Remember that if he can do it with you, he can do it to you. He is a cheater with no morals, honour or respect. You have all that and more. You can sleep(when you can)at night but I doubt that he can. Think of this, They are enter a room together, all eyes on them. People knowing what they did. Or how about when they are not together, that doubt always on their minds. Wondering where they are or with whom. Even if they are in the same room talking with different people, wondering what are they up to. That trust is not there. Neither is respect. So hang on for the emotional roller coaster ride of the lifetime. That will stop, but you will have to work hard to put and love yourself first.

Thank you atpeacemary it has been needless to say a nightmare. We were married 32 years. The way he left and what he did was horrible

I too am divorcing a narcissist. Nothing she says or does makes sense. No contact was the best way to go. I'll never trust to be with her in the same room ever again. Plus I've had time to read up on how they think and act, helping myself prepare for the war that's coming divorcing a narcissist
I'm wishing you the best.
-HUGS-

Thanks it has been difficult finding out who and what he is and knowing that he only loves himself. I have gone no contact just protect myself.

I was married 31 years when I told him to leave as he was in contact with an X gf.
He turned into someone I didn't know, or maybe I didn't chose to see. It has been 2 years since he left, one year divorced. It does get better but it devastated our whole family. Take care of yourself first. Hugs Marie

Some narcs are really bad, try not to out him
As a narc openly.

That can have serious blow back. One lady in
My DC group she ended being the black sheep
With her children because she told her truth.

I don't talk about abuse issues to outsiders And
not unless in its a safe place like a therapist Office.

My ex was not a full blown one he has Traits with
old addiction issues so he was not personality
Disordered. There is a huge difference. Hugs

Perhaps no contact/no engagement is the best way to go for your own self protection. I also haven't talked with that ex in 16 years & don't plan to ever again. Atpeacemary seemed to have some insight into your husband's character and the fact that you can only control your own behavior. Take care of yourself first as Amazinggrace15 suggests and don't allow your ex to cause you anymore mental anguish. Also heed Mirandac's warning about talking with others about him; I didn't & still am "the blacksheep" with my kids. Good luck!

Mirandac, if you'd be open to sharing what those traits were, I would love to hear that.