Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

What the hell?

Singlemommom
Singlemommom

so today my divorce was going to be finalized and courts are closed due to the weather! It is raining we did not get the snow predicted. I saw him 3 days ago when he picked up his tools. My therapist said not to engage. I was sad but held it together. He tried to ask questions and I gave him one word answers. It was difficult being married to a narssist. I didn't want to give him any supply. So I kept saying he is not my friend. I don't know how long it will take to reschedule the divorce. I know I kept telling myself that I didn't cheat, I wasn't the abusive one, and I gave it my all. I don't know how he has someone else. I don't understand how he acts like nothing ever happened between us. It is so bizarre.

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Hugs, my friend. You are right, do not engage him, No Contact are the key words. I have not talked to that ex since 2007. Yes, it is hard being married to a narcissist. I was married to one too. Their passive/aggressive behaviour is really hard to handle at times. What you are feeling is normal. Remember that if he can do it with you, he can do it to you. He is a cheater with no morals, honour or respect. You have all that and more. You can sleep(when you can)at night but I doubt that he can. Think of this, They are enter a room together, all eyes on them. People knowing what they did. Or how about when they are not together, that doubt always on their minds. Wondering where they are or with whom. Even if they are in the same room talking with different people, wondering what are they up to. That trust is not there. Neither is respect. So hang on for the emotional roller coaster ride of the lifetime. That will stop, but you will have to work hard to put and love yourself first.
Singlemommom
Singlemommom
Thank you atpeacemary it has been needless to say a nightmare. We were married 32 years. The way he left and what he did was horrible
ripped_my_heartout
ripped_my_heartout
I too am divorcing a narcissist. Nothing she says or does makes sense. No contact was the best way to go. I'll never trust to be with her in the same room ever again. Plus I've had time to read up on how they think and act, helping myself prepare for the war that's coming divorcing a narcissist
I'm wishing you the best.
-HUGS-
Singlemommom
Singlemommom
Thanks it has been difficult finding out who and what he is and knowing that he only loves himself. I have gone no contact just protect myself.
amazinggrace15
amazinggrace15
I was married 31 years when I told him to leave as he was in contact with an X gf.
He turned into someone I didn't know, or maybe I didn't chose to see. It has been 2 years since he left, one year divorced. It does get better but it devastated our whole family. Take care of yourself first. Hugs Marie
mirandac
mirandac
Some narcs are really bad, try not to out him
As a narc openly.

That can have serious blow back. One lady in
My DC group she ended being the black sheep
With her children because she told her truth.

I don't talk about abuse issues to outsiders And
not unless in its a safe place like a therapist Office.

My ex was not a full blown one he has Traits with
old addiction issues so he was not personality
Disordered. There is a huge difference. Hugs
DaisyMae17
DaisyMae17
Perhaps no contact/no engagement is the best way to go for your own self protection. I also haven't talked with that ex in 16 years & don't plan to ever again. Atpeacemary seemed to have some insight into your husband's character and the fact that you can only control your own behavior. Take care of yourself first as Amazinggrace15 suggests and don't allow your ex to cause you anymore mental anguish. Also heed Mirandac's warning about talking with others about him; I didn't & still am "the blacksheep" with my kids. Good luck!
GettingStronger4
GettingStronger4
Mirandac, if you'd be open to sharing what those traits were, I would love to hear that.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • MelT2020

    Things to do

    Posted by: MelT2020
    Last Reply: billwfriend
    5
    I've been struggling lately on what to do with my life since I no longer have a caregiver role. I decided to write a list of hobbies and things I like to do as a reminder to myself. I encourage you to create your own list of likes/hobbies/or things you'd like to try. Here's a few of my things:Going to the beachTrying new restaurantsMaking lists/planning for the future Road...
  • MelT2020

    Remembering 9/11/2001

    Posted by: MelT2020
    Last Reply: SunCloudJD
    7
    People who were alive during 9/11/2001 have a story of how the attacks on the USA impacted their lives. Feel free to share.....I graduated from law school on Sat, Sep 15, 2001 at age 24.  Many families did not attend the graduation ceremony because the airplanes were grounded.  I was a law clerk for a certain government agency for two years while in law school and was looking forward to a great...