Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi friends, sorry for another post, this all keeps going on and on
So it's been over 2 months since he made the final decision that he didnt want to be with me. Before that 6 months of pain and endurance to try and see if there was any hope. Lots of hurtful comments and I could see he was depressed, unstable mentally. I was trying to work through that with him if I could.
Sometimes I think, well perhaps if he got through his mental health problems, he would go back to being the loving, kind man I once knew. I was willing to support him through it but he turned away/ran away.
Anyway, last night he told me that he slept with prostitues back in Oct/Nov (so 1/2 months before he told me things were not working between us. He told me that he knew I would end things with him if he was honest about it, so he tried to forget it but could not forgive himself for what he had done, so tortured himself and then took it out on me - he blamed me, and hated me for doing it and tried to push me away. Now he knows how wrong that was and he asked me that now I knew everything, was there any hope between us for the future?
I am so confused. On the one hand, everything he has done can be explained by his self hatred (and even the point of visiting prositute - he has low self esteem) and that makes me feel sad and also that before his mental health problems we were fine and had a good relationship.
But on the other hand, how can I forgive that behaviour and deception. To the point that he ddnt want to be honest with me because he didnt want me to leave him. Then spent the next 6 months telling me he didnt love me and then he walked away.
He also admitted to sleeping with the girl he was emotionally investing in during the end of our relationship (while he was telling me he wanted to make it work with me). He says he slept with her after June, after our final decision. But I already said I don't believe that, I believe it was before.
Gawd, even as I write this all out, it's a no brainer what I should do...walk away, head held high, too much mess, too much damage. But why why why am I feeling on some level there is a chance? I feel stupid, and like I'll always be walked over if I did that but my heart is telling me to forgive.
This is not your fault, he needs to go deal with his demons,
focus on how great you are and how loving you are. Prove it to yourself and love yourself, IF you feel for him, pray for him, pray that he finds the help he needs. Love him through your prayers, and ask god to guild him to a healthier life.
Now is the time to dig into yourself and learn about you, learn what you love, what you enjoy, what are your hobbies, what are your strengths.
Take that walk, sing that song, stare off into the sky for hours telling yourself how great you are.
Keep your journal busy and full
I pray you are safe and healthy
It's hard to create that space when you believe you love that person. But that space can give you a few things: time to think about what you really want, what you want your future to look like, time to heal, and time to learn more about yourself.
Best wishes!
I definitely needed to hear a man's perspective. I just hope I can trust another in the future! I know am worth more than what he did to me.
I asked him questions about our marriage and why he did these things but he never replied properly so that was my answer anyway about whether he was serious about a future (even if I wasn't). So all of that he was saying was another manipulation to make it seem that he's not such a bad person. That was my final closure and I'm not going to give any more thought to it.
For now, I'm going to keep putting all of my focus on self care and self love. As you guys say, find out what I want for my future and who I am!
I really appreciate your words - you won't know how much support they give me