My ex was playing a game. Besides the abuse, he was trying to beat the score of the rest of his family. He wanted to be married longer than they were. He told my family that, then denied it. His loss.

How to we find these people? how did we live with them? and Why?

How do we find sorry...type o

Low self esteem. Wanted to do the right thing for the kids and looked over his faults. Hopefully will not happen again.

2nd I stayed because I did not want to be a part time father.

You can never be a part-time father unless you let it be. Just because you are not there doesn't make you part-time. Your love and caring and understanding should be full-time. I don't believe in part-time parents

So many of us are here trying to find answers. I wanted my ex of 30 yrs to admit that he was wrong, that he found the grass wasn't greener. Now the day has come and I see his remorse of what he lost. It doesn't bring me satisfaction as I always had thought, just sadness for his foolishness. What he did give to me was, not by choice, was to find out that I was more than a mother and a wife. Unfortunately I was so swept up in the feelings of rejection and betrayal that I found myself in another relationship that was very toxic, my life revolved arounf another. Now I can open my eyes and see I have a new opportunity to discover myself. We all know how important communication is but it will only work when the commitment is there from both.

Two little words, they can mean so much or so little commitment and communication. Those words brought us here.

in my case i was very ill for 5 years and my husband just got fed up being the carer and not getting much back.i do understand that he must have felt lonely but it wasnt something i could help.hes now with someone who apparently who showers him with affection and does loads for him.at first i did feel guilty for what he went through but i now realise if he didnt love me enough to see me through it he obviously never willlove me enough.

I have to agree with most things posted here. But I think it happens to both genders...Life gets mixed up at times, things happen, people change, you don't grow together. One partner decides to give up on the marriage.

Thank you all for your responses.

I believe some people foolishly leave because they think the grass is greener. Others leave because they can't stand the situation any more (abuse, alcoholism, etc.). It seems like people are either running to someone else or running from someone (their spouse).

My "why after 20 years" is that I realized I've been trying to hold it together all by myself.

It has really been over for a long time. It just took this long for it to work through my thick skull.