Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
What is it in your EX that makes you think he/she is so great? that you will never find anyone like that again? and you just can't let go?
Here is my situation:
After the break-up, I thought: Oh my God, how would I find someone else who would be as great as him? He was the only one. He was the one of the kind. He was so special...
And after almost a year, I look back and wonder: What is it so great about him that made me think he was so special? And I come up with the following:
- He was incredibly handsome and attractive.
- He had a good fashion style.
- He understood my culture in depth and really liked it (he's French). And I understood his (I did my master in France).
- Sex was so wild and crazy.
- He's not a rich man, but determined in building his career. He knew what he wanted and which goals he must achieve at different periods.
That's all.
Then I think: all those characteristics, I can find in plenty other men. He's not the one of the kind. Here I don't mention his bad characteristics yet.
Now I'm laughing at myself, in a good way, and glad that I've made such a long progress within a short time. I can even make joke of myself now and still feel good about it. And I'm still surprised when I summarize all what I've learned from DS:
- Never make someone priority when he/she only consider you as an option.
- No contact is the best way for self-recover then moving on.
- If the EX is a kind of manipulative person. The pain may become greater because we lose our self-esteem when being manipulated. The manipulators are always too selfish to understand how we feel, what we think, no matter how hard we try to tell them.
- The pain is a roller coaster. Some days we feel good. Some days we feel bad. When we feel bad, just take it one day at a time, and believe that the roller coaster to go up again.
Someone told me: Never cry in front of a man. Because the man who really loves you will never make you cry.
And you, what is your story?
Here is my situation:
After the break-up, I thought: Oh my God, how would I find someone else who would be as great as him? He was the only one. He was the one of the kind. He was so special...
And after almost a year, I look back and wonder: What is it so great about him that made me think he was so special? And I come up with the following:
- He was incredibly handsome and attractive.
- He had a good fashion style.
- He understood my culture in depth and really liked it (he's French). And I understood his (I did my master in France).
- Sex was so wild and crazy.
- He's not a rich man, but determined in building his career. He knew what he wanted and which goals he must achieve at different periods.
That's all.
Then I think: all those characteristics, I can find in plenty other men. He's not the one of the kind. Here I don't mention his bad characteristics yet.
Now I'm laughing at myself, in a good way, and glad that I've made such a long progress within a short time. I can even make joke of myself now and still feel good about it. And I'm still surprised when I summarize all what I've learned from DS:
- Never make someone priority when he/she only consider you as an option.
- No contact is the best way for self-recover then moving on.
- If the EX is a kind of manipulative person. The pain may become greater because we lose our self-esteem when being manipulated. The manipulators are always too selfish to understand how we feel, what we think, no matter how hard we try to tell them.
- The pain is a roller coaster. Some days we feel good. Some days we feel bad. When we feel bad, just take it one day at a time, and believe that the roller coaster to go up again.
Someone told me: Never cry in front of a man. Because the man who really loves you will never make you cry.
And you, what is your story?
We had so much fun together we would laugh and play and wrestle around. We would go on walks and hikes and talk for hours!! I still love to hear his laugh it has always made me laugh too!! He had a kind heart and always loved children even the ones who had special needs. He connected with them the most. it melted my heart. But somewhere along the way his heart went cold and he didn't care as much anymore. but i still wonder if i will ever find that again??? I still love the man that i once knew..
I still feel lost...........
I left for a reason and hind sight is 20/20. Despite good qualities if his, they weren't right for me.
Now she's still intelligent but making really stupid decisions. The attraction is fading and I see a lot of faults I didn't see before. She has shut out all of the older kids and now treats the youngest (who lives with her) like he's a burden. It seems her only focus is on herself. She is dishonest and deceitful, if she told me last night that the sun would come up today I would have to look outside this morning to confirm it.
- Never make someone priority when he/she only consider you as an option.
- No contact is the best way for self-recover then moving on.
- If the EX is a kind of manipulative person. The pain may become greater because we lose our self-esteem when being manipulated. The manipulators are always too selfish to understand how we feel, what we think, no matter how hard we try to tell them.
- The pain is a roller coaster. Some days we feel good. Some days we feel bad. When we feel bad, just take it one day at a time, and believe that the roller coaster to go up again.
...is awesome.
I had to come to terms the hard way recently with that first one. One minute I was a perfect pertner and then poof, the love that I beleived was there had vaporized taking all of my hopes for the relationship with it.
We learn a lot during these times don't we? I can't tell you how much I have learned about myself in the last six months that have altered me permanently.
The Universe delivers everthing to us for absolute good in the end. This I believe.
When I was going through the healing process my biggest attachment to him was the intensity of our relationship..whether that intensity was good or bad. I honestly thought I would never be able to love someone as much as I loved him.
I was wrong. Dead wrong.
My intensity had to do with the fact that I was dealing with a sociopath and that I had trauma bonded with him.
Thank God its all behind me now.
Im sorry to report (and wish I could say otherwise) that he does not have any redeeming qualities. I dont say that out of anger, or malice, or anything else. Its just a plain and simple fact.
Mine was a good person, but has become much more weak and self-absorbed. A lot of our friends say that his ego is out of control. We used to laugh all the time about the silly little things; we were both goofballs. I still am; he's not. He was my best friend; now he's not. He used to be honest; now he's deceitful and manipulative. The innate goodness and goofy spark within him died when he "grew". He is still a good person to some degree--he's just not the really good person he was... and I miss that old him. :(
The man he is I have no use for. No honor there. No commitment or ability to keep his word. It changes to whatever is convenient for him and what makes him look good to those around him who look too close. Lying is now an everyday thing especially when he looks in the mirror.
I could say good things about my ex but that man is dead. Murdered by the one who replaced him. Not a man. Not worth my time or energy. Very sad statement of a life no matter how you look at it.
What I don't understand is why he can't live with your past all of the sudden, unless you can travel through time it hasn't changed since he married you.
Very reliable, responsible, hard working, motivated, money smart, (investing for our retirement), fun, and he was an excellent provider.
But with the good comes the bad. :( He had anger issues, and other issues.