For me, it's the memories. Good and bad. I miss the good times we had together as a family and know that things will never be as they were again. The bad memories, where he hurt me emotionally with his actions, hurt too. I keep asking myself why he treated me the way he did and why he didn't try to make it work instead of caring about himself. I gave him so many chances, but he apparently thought the grass was greener on the other side. I also know that I'm a good person and deserve the best. I just wish that my ex would have treated me the way I deserved to be treated. He has apologized since our split but so much damage has been done and the trust has been lost. Now my family is broken and our daughter is the one who suffers.

I would say it's the way that she (my wife,best friend, lover, mother of our three beautiful boys) reached into my chest grabbed my heart ripped it out threw it down and stomped on it until there was no feeling left. But I'm not bitter though. LOL

I feel humilated. I feel less than worthy. I was proud of how I stood by him through terrible times he had brought on himself and to be thrown away like trash and to be treated so cruelly. And knowing that he knows how this feel and he did it anyway. Knowing he saw me go through this with my ex and he did it anyway.

Most most painfully: I see him for who he really is and it's astounding. He is the same as my ex. It's like a knife in my heart.

For me it's knowing that he said it was a mistake to marry me after years of hearing how I was the best thing that's ever happened to him. Letting me believe I ruined his life. Also much of the above. The thing that hurts the most is how this all went down. There was no reason for his ugly behavior and cruel remarks. I didn't do anything to deserve what he's done to me yet he told me right to my face that he was bending me over and dry f*cking me. How much uglier can one person be to their wife? After putting up with years of his lies, deceit, dishonesty, drinking, smoking pot, giving him several chances and he turns around and throws me out to the curb like yesterday's trash and he acts like he's better than me. Really??

The betrayal is painful. Hearing how special I am and that he loves me in his way, and how he will never meet a woman as good as I am. Telling me this after he has lied to me cheated on me and wiped me out financially. Knowing he married her in a matter of 10 days knowing I'm pregnant, telling me I can't have this baby. It's all painful. Walking in bad weather today to go get Easter things for my boys, I've never been so low in my life. He left me with no car like I am just garbage on the side of the road. It's all so very painful.

Oh goodness there are so many things causing it.

I think probably the worst is knowing that he hasn't been happy since shortly after we bought our home together, but still married me, and that he had been considering the separation for a year before letting me in on any of it. All that time of trying to have what we had, and feeling rejected and crying myself to sleep as quietly as possible when he shut me out AGAIN.

I learned a while ago that everyone shares two basic fears in life:
Fear of not being loved.
Fear of not being enough.

I imagine a lot of us are feeling so much pain from staring these two in the face every day and feeling like it's true.

I really can't wait to be on the other side of this huge mountain. I know there's another side. People get over this. My mom did, and I'd give anything to give her a call in heaven, so that I could tell her about things and hear from her that everything's going to be ok.

It's just so freaking hard.

For me, it's words that she said to me one night after she had returned from a vacation with her new love. She told me she had fallen out of love with me years before we split, that she wasn't satisfied in bed, and that she wanted more from life than I could give her. It hurt so much that I was a step away from cocking the hammer....

It still hurts but thankfully not as much as it did that night in January..

Just the fact that vows meant nothing to him...he was not even willing to go to counseling with me and just said that he was done. Commitment meant nothing to him even though since day one he called me his soul mate. He just turned his back on me. And yes, part of it was the feeling of rejection.

We purchased property less than six months earlier and were planning to move and build a new home. He just changed his mind?!?! Now were are stuck with a loan that has to be paid.

After reading all of the comments above, I think my hurt is from a combination of all of them...He told me for years that I was his world, and then he proceeded to look at me with no feeling at all in his cold eyes and tell me that he loved me, but wasn't "in love" with me. He watched me sob and ask why, and he walked away, without one word of "I'm sorry to have hurt you," nothing. He lay in bed beside me for what may have even been years, telling me how much he loved me, after being with someone else. He was my best friend. I let him in to my thoughts and feelings more than I ever have anyone in my entire life. He knows all my secrets, all my insecurities, all my dreams and fears, and he's using all that against me now, knowing which "buttons to push" and how to break my heart even more. I trusted him with my heart, my thoughts, my love, my life. And he let me down more than anyone I've ever known in my life. While I was at home, making a home for us, doing all the chores, all the lawn work, everything, he was either at the gym working out or was out screwing with his girlfriend(s). I guess she made him feel young and alive, while I was just someone to cook and clean and stroke his ego by telling him how much I loved and cherished him. How they must have laughed behind my back. That hurts.

And as much as all that hurts, from time to time, I do have flashbacks of laughter and good times we had. We had good years, but I wonder now if it was all an act, a setup. How will I ever know if he meant it when he told me how he loved me and how much he wanted me.

I feel not only unloved and unwanted, but also unworthy. He was the one that made me feel like I was beautiful, like I was desirable, like I was wonderful, just being me. Now I don't think I was ever any of those things. No one else had ever told me those things. Why should I believe it was true? My family surely hasn't offered any support. They never have. My feelings of inadequacy go way back...I was never pretty enough, never skinny enough, never popular enough...the one thing I was is smart enough. But now I even doubt that. If I was, why would I have ever gotten myself into this predicament? How could I have ever let myself believe that someone would love ME? And will I ever have that feeling in my life that someone actually does? That's what hurts.