I blocked him on pinterest but it turns out it won't affect him. The only reason I caught him was because he pressed a button by accident. But I have been keeping up the no communication as much as it hurts to do so And I don't look for him, ask for him or anything like that. He said he kept out of contact because his friends wanted to give me time. Apparently not talking for so long was alien. I don't want to seem petty by asking him why he is bothering to look at my stuff. It's just whatever happens I lose.
The guy I knew isn't coming back. I can't imagine that if he did still love me he would do anything about it. I will never fully understand how the hell he thinks and why he fucked off.
And I won't be his friend. I won't be the ex that hangs out, sees him find another girl and then talk about her when he does the exact same shit again.

"The guy I knew isn't coming back." Thats where it is. Once the peacock suit comes off, and you know the truth, letting them back is wasteful.......I gave up allot of years learning that. Allow yourself to grieve for what is lost, (the guy you once knew) but keep moving forward. I hope you continue to talk about it. Having this place to process is helpful when the people who KNOW me and what i have been through are just like, "He was a jerk to you, move on, be happy." I'm working on it. Sounds like you are too.

Thanks so much. I do hope your situation works out soon too. It sucks that we have to go through this. The worst thing is now, I wonder who is telling the truth. He did so well to cover his feelings. He was great. I really thought we were going to make it. Then a friends gets married and boom. The world I knew is topsy turvy, I'll never get an answer as to why when he later emailed to apologise and say how great I was to him (but he's not crawling back) It truly does help to talk on these. Now I just need to decide whether to email him asking why he's bothering or to go on being quiet knowing he is still looking at my stuff.

My strength to not talk to him anymore, came from realizing my weakness. Our guys may have something in common. I only know mine cause I know him He is afraid to commit. Having said that, he is also afraid to be alone. That has been a no win for me. It's been the most awful cycle, and I couldn't get out until I could see the cycle would never end. He wears a peacock suit, then it comes off and he is some insane guy who is emotionally cruel, and then when its just to the point of no return, hear comes the peacock suit again. The peacock suit is the guy afraid to be alone, and the cruel guy can't stand being close to anyone. We had an e/m exchange once where I wrote out this pattern in hopes he could see what he was doing. I wrote, about the last part of the cycle, "I can't take the pain anymore, you win, I quite." and he wrote back to me, "I don't win if you quite." Thats the gig. The cycle is their relationship. Not in but not out. I had to not cave to the peacock suit. Be careful he may be baiting you in for one more cycle. This time, I didn't talk to him, I cave when he is nice. I didn't give myself the chance to get sucked in one more time.

That sounds exactly like my ex. It's a shame that he was great except for having some problems he won't ever seek help for. That he never discussed with me. I never pushed for marriage or anything. I just hoped we would be strong and happy. But nah.

For now, I need to decide whether to call him on this checking on me stuff, as I can't stop him looking at my pinterest. Regardless of whether he is doing it to check on me, I don't understand why he should bother. It's nothing to do with him any more.

Let me ask you this, when you saw he had looked on your board, did it make you unsure? You were moving forward, sad and hurt, but still moving forward. Did it make you wonder if he was having second thoughts? was it a little flattering that he liked your drawing? Did he get your attention, and still have it, days after?.......

Remember, the key to these guys who can't commit is there RELATIONSHIP is to" not be in, and not be out either." If this opens the door to communicating with you, then he has made a powerful move and won. Now your hanging. That is there relationship, to have you hanging. There not in, there not out. They have your attention, that is all they want. I wasted allot of years. I hope you don't answer him. I hate to see him waste your attention.

Honestly, yes. When he first emailed me out the blue it made me feel a little bit empowered at first. He said he wanted to talk for ages but his friends stopped him, that he was trying to find out about me etc. Whereas I did not. I got rid of everything (that was tough. His number, fb, all the photos etc) so the fact he was doing this was confusing. Yeah, he talks about feeling guilty and wanting to see how I was, that it was alien not to speak and he respects and cares for me and mostly, that he had apologised for something big (all explained in my first email. You'll understand if you see that)
It was when I started going out with him that I finally went to college to study art. He took me to my first interview. Then I was there for him when he also decided to join the college. He had a good job but I knew how much he loved guitars so to help him become a luthier, I helped and encouraged and gave up so much. But I still see bits of the selfish guy coming through, even in his emails.
The thing is, he moved to new zealand for work not long after the break (apparently he was depressed, which he never believed in before, he was sad and lonely and in debt so he decided to take a position at a company there a while) but he comes back to the country in April. It has me a tad anxious. But he won't come here (I am studying in England then visiting home from time to time) And I'm tired of being so messed up by a name on a screen.

So, then he is not in your life, but he is not out either. You are hanging, waiting on maybe him to see the light, to be reflective of himself, to figure out his problem, and be accountable for the past and promise it won't happen again? Then you can build a life with the guy you are quite smitten with. Are you holding on for that?

REMEMBER, this is his relationship. "Not in, but not out." While you are hoping for change, he is exactly where he wants to be. Only you get to decide how long you hold on. He is not happy in a relationship, he is not happy alone. He is not happy. That is who he is. Acceptance is the key to your own freedom.

So, I have not sent an email to him since he sent his.
I'm still having trouble feeling like I have any control over everything in my life at the moment. But I am going to try.

What else can one girl do eh?