The "get me" , she used her understanding of me to manipulate me skillfully, she knew i trusted her so i never looked for the scalpel as she carved me up

I miss the grandchildren spending overnights with us. It used to happen almost weekly and they meant the world to me. I'm not a Mr. Mom, never have been, never will be, so them staying with just me simply doesn't compute. I don't even really know the grandchildren anymore. So many years have passed since grandpa fell into this depression from the divorce that I didn't want them to see me this way so I refrained from spending quality time with them since. I attend their sporting events, but the closeness is forever gone.

I was a better grandfather than father. I was too strict with my kids always demanding adult behavior from our children. I miss being that good grandpa. It's so easy to love the little ones and you know their sense of trust hasn't been violated.

Missing fantasyland, prefer reality.
TRYING to make my reality where I don't miss more than I do miss; like the lies, the cheating, the drugs, the bad financial decisions, the disappointment, the anger, the walking on eggshells to keep him happy, the emotional neglect, the narcissist behavior...
I think looking at it this way helps with my "mission"

I understand Jaclyn1973. Within two week she basically staying the nights, weekends and now lives full-time with someone that she says is"just a friend". It is hard not to have someone to simply do things with, to laugh with, to simply enjoy the little things that mean so much. Like you, for 20 yrs she was my best friend and it is lonely. I hope it gets better for you.

Yes, I miss the friendship of my best friend. Yes, he was a douche in the end. That doesnt cancel out all the positive things in the years before. He was my best friend for a long time before he turned in to a douche. When my parents got sick and were dying, there is not a man on earth who could have been more supportive than he was. He was my rock. My family practically wanted to elect him as a saint. I cant even begin to tell you all he did for me, my parents, and my family. One thing doesnt completely do away with the other.
Nobody is all good or all bad. The good doesnt cancel out the bad, but for me, neither does the bad cancel out the good. Would I go back with him? Not at all. Never.

i miss these things too. i don't want them from stbxh though, and i don't even think of him when i think of missing those things. because he disgusts me right now.

i hope to have this, for real, with someone again someday. especially the snuggling, the kissing. someone kissing the top of my head. a real hug where you feel safe and secure.

but for now, i feel safer and more secure in my fortress of solitude.

me too, happy mama

Happymama, I so second what you have said....there is no way I miss these things from my ex, but I have longed for and missed them all my life, and I hope that I may find that special someone that I can enjoy it with in the future.
But for now I am very content to feel the peace and joy of my solitude surrounded by God's love.