Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Although it made me physically sick to do so, I finally got the courage to call the attorney to start the divorce process. It was so hard to do and so anxiety provoking for me. It really was hard to do. I wanted so bad for it to work out, but he just does not seem to care.
He lied about his massive debt; he lost his job and contributes nothing to the household; he does not help with house work; he is depressed and refuses to get it treated, and most of all, he accuses me of being too negative. To say the least, it is really stressful to be the primary bread winner and to do all the childcare, household work, and do all the responsible things. It is hard to be Mary Poppins under such circumstances.
What breaks my heart though, is that he just does not seem to care. I gave him the opportunity to try and talk me out of the divorce and he was quite clear that he wouldn't. He says he wants to work on the marriage, but he won't do anything to work on it. We did counseling (to no avail). My husband doesn't want to even spend time with me, but he was shocked and saddened when I told him I was proceeding with divorce.
In the end, I don't see how he doesn't want to fight for this marriage. That is what hurts. It is the lack of effort that really bothers me. I thought after 15 years of marriage, he'd at least want to fight for it.
He lied about his massive debt; he lost his job and contributes nothing to the household; he does not help with house work; he is depressed and refuses to get it treated, and most of all, he accuses me of being too negative. To say the least, it is really stressful to be the primary bread winner and to do all the childcare, household work, and do all the responsible things. It is hard to be Mary Poppins under such circumstances.
What breaks my heart though, is that he just does not seem to care. I gave him the opportunity to try and talk me out of the divorce and he was quite clear that he wouldn't. He says he wants to work on the marriage, but he won't do anything to work on it. We did counseling (to no avail). My husband doesn't want to even spend time with me, but he was shocked and saddened when I told him I was proceeding with divorce.
In the end, I don't see how he doesn't want to fight for this marriage. That is what hurts. It is the lack of effort that really bothers me. I thought after 15 years of marriage, he'd at least want to fight for it.
IMHO, counselors in general may or may not pick up on the more serious underlying issues. So please don't judge all counseling & therapists on your experience. It can often take several attempts to find the right one. I am not suggesting you try marital counseling again.
What I am suggesting is that since you are married, you might consider having him involuntarily committed for a psych eval. It sounds like he has some very serious problems that are beyond either one of you and any marriage counselor. If you can find a good doc & with the right treatment, maybe things might get better.
Sometimes, when people have serious psych issues, they do stop trying. It's hard for them to get themselves out of their black hole. It takes a properly trained & qualified professional to help them.
~healing hugs~
You're in a tough spot and it's going to be hard, but do you want to still be living like this in 5 years, or even a year from now? Sometimes we have to take that first step to better our lives. Definitely a heart breaker and just plain sad but hold your head high, I'm sure you've done everything you possibly could to keep your marriage together, you'll have no regrets down the road.
Good luck and sending you prayers and hugs!!
Major kudos to you for making the effort, especially when dealing with someone with depression. There is only so much you can do without being met somewhere in the middle- it seems you have done that.
As someone who deals with moderate to severe depression, I never really saw the effect on other people. I was blind to it, it creates a fog. That feeling was more status quo for me. It was one of the major reasons my ex wanted nothing more to do with me. Over time I realized that she was never a partner- as it seems you have been. You laid the groundwork, and gave opportunities- good for you! Its hard to admit your faults but given those opportunities one can't refuse to get treated.You can't fix someone else- but you can firmly point them the right direction, and offer encouragement.
While it hurts; take heart that you did what you could. Thats all you can do.
Positive energy to you!
I was on Efexir for a couple years, seeing a psychiatrist, trying to get help. It wasn't easy. I went through mood swings that I couldn't control. My wife looks back on it and thinks "If he really loved me, he would have shown it. If he really loved me, he wouldn't have acted that way, said the things he did".
That's what hurts because, it couldn't be further from the truth. I DID love her, and I DID try to deal with the depression, but she feels otherwise.
In other words, I tried so hard, like many women on here wish their husbands did, I tried because I loved her, I wanted to fight to keep her, but she didn't see it that way. She saw it as me not caring. That's what hurts.
And now her feelings for me are numb, and she wants a divorce. She says it's too late, and she can't help how she feels.