I tell myself that I'll never put up with anyone that drinks and gets drunk habitually ever again.

Or covering up his drunk driving. Or going out when I don't want to, to be the designated driver. Or wondering if he's struck and killed someone on the way home. Or just got stopped and has lost his licence.

But then, I look at how I've sat back and done similar things when other people were "just having fun", and it makes me feel sick inside.

I think I'm staying single. Maybe for life. Less stressful. Happier. And I feel so done being the "good girl" and caring about what people who don't give a darn about me, think of me.

I agree with mostly everyone. I, also, learned that I won't make someone my "everything"...that it is very important to maintain individuality, have your own goals, friends, hobbies. I learned, like you guys, that no one is my sole happiness, and I am not their sole happiness. I learned what I will and won't put up with. I also learned that I won't mix bank accounts, and big things are "joint". I won't use my good credit to carry both of us.

Patti, I hear you. I don't think I will stay single forever, but I think I would rather be Goldie Hawn, LT relationship without the marriage. I also get the "no good girl" thing. I will always do what's right and safe for myself and my son, but I am not going to be Ms. Reliable..always making sure schedules are checked, house is cleaned, checkbook balanced. I won't become someone's roommate while they do whatever they want all the time. I am enjoying being on my own agenda very much, flirting without consequence, and creating memories that are mine and mine alone.

hmmm, probably the one thing that stands out over several others is this. I've learned, or at least think I have learned to never over estimate, instead see things for what they are, not what they pretend to be.

I've learned you need to listen, not just hear but listen and then actually act on it the first time you are told and to NEVER take too lightly someone's concerns. I've learned I need to speak my mind in a calm constructive manner even if it leads to an argument instead of suppressing of my eelings and not doing anything about them. I've learned this only leads to resentment. I've learned there changes I need to make in myself.

pretty much what you wrote. I would let my world revolve around another person again.

I have learned to be jaded and to NOT trust another soul again. Thanks exH.

I've learned...

1. To not rely on someone else to be HAPPY. I must create my own happiness.
2. To not trust 100% or have unrealistic expectations in a relationship.
3. To not give of myself 100%.
4. To not trust a significant other with my secrets...when they become your enemies your secrets will be compromised.
5. To not have joint credit card accounts.
6. To have an individual bank account, credit card and home.
7. Most importantly...NO MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE.

After each man disaster, I THINK I have learned not to cling to a relationship that is clearly bad for me.

I THINK I have learned how to recognize red flags, and to act on them.

I THINK I have learned not to invest my emotions in someone who shouldn't be trusted with them.

But the only thing I seem to really have learned . . . is that I never learn.

to not make lists of what i am not going to do until i am actually in a new relationship because until then i will have no idea. i could have been asked this same question 6 years ago and would have said one thing, but when i got into a realationship with my now exhusband it turns out i tolerated a lot more than i thought i ever would because i was in love and wanted it to work.

I've learned that there is no sure thing. I am 51 years old and I THOUGHT I had finally found someone that I could trust. There is no such thing as "someone you can trust", no matter what you might think. I am sure most everyone here was completely sure that they could trust the one they were involved with that caused them to end up here. I rest my case.

If I sound jaded, that is because I am. I do not intend on ending up here again, the pain just ain't worth the gain. I hope to have a good relationship again, and I will treat her with respect and as I want to be treated. But, I will always expect to be screwed over again.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different results." - Albert Einstein

I've learned trust my gut. No one else defines who I am. I create my reality and can make better choices to embrace and enjoy life.

I've learned, no matter how secure you are, you might or will end up all by yourself one day. That day better start as a good day in your life.

Yesterday I thought I learned something, today, nothing...

Trust a 2 faced, fake, lair.....